Anonymous
09/12/2023 20:09
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:How old is your child, OP? I would look into ABA (you can get it even without an autism diagnosis, as we did). Our child made tremendous progress and it gave us a huge break because his instructors would come to our house for 7-8 hours a day to work with him. It gave us all some much-needed structure, taught him all sorts of skills, and was the best thing we ever did for him. I would be happy to talk with you offline if you want more information. Another SN mom did this for me and it changed the entire trajectory of our son’s life and preserved our mental health.
Same!! Another mom turned me on to ABA and it is a game changer. But you probably need an ASD diagnosis for insurance to cover.
Also, I can't remember now its been so long, but can a Developmental Ped diagnosis ASD? We saw a develop ped at 3 years old who diagnosised our son with ADHD and then a neuropysch at 6 who then did the ASD diagnosis.
I don't know about ABA but +1 to trying to find moms of older kids who can offer guidance. Some of the most helpful moms were strangers who with a single phone call helped me more than I can put into words. I also think these women changed my child's entire life.
Anonymous
09/12/2023 20:08
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound terrible, but our situation is identical and we have essentially half outsourced raising him to a phenomenal nanny who has half adopted him (not literally). He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house.
It costs a fortune but it has been absolutely wonderful and he actually does better with her. She has her own children who are older and stronger than our DS, and he actually does great with them and they model good behavior for him and force him to do chores, etc.
My deep secret shame is that during the summer, the nanny picked DS up on Monday mornings and dropped him off at our house on Friday nights. It was pure bliss.
WTH
Anonymous
09/12/2023 19:54
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:This is going to sound terrible, but our situation is identical and we have essentially half outsourced raising him to a phenomenal nanny who has half adopted him (not literally). He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house.
It costs a fortune but it has been absolutely wonderful and he actually does better with her. She has her own children who are older and stronger than our DS, and he actually does great with them and they model good behavior for him and force him to do chores, etc.
My deep secret shame is that during the summer, the nanny picked DS up on Monday mornings and dropped him off at our house on Friday nights. It was pure bliss.
No judgement on my end - that sounds f#cking amazing. How much are you spending?!?
Anonymous
09/10/2023 14:03
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
Therapy and meds for you
Parent coaching and/or PCIT (parent-child interaction therapy)
As much child care as you can afford, and having DH and other friends and relatives help out as much as possible. If you are willing to take on other tasks that DH doesn't like and he does more of the parenting, good.
It does suck, and it is also hard for your kid. Some parents are better at it than others. I hope you find ways to make it easier for yourself.
Parent coaching and/or PCIT (parent-child interaction therapy)
As much child care as you can afford, and having DH and other friends and relatives help out as much as possible. If you are willing to take on other tasks that DH doesn't like and he does more of the parenting, good.
It does suck, and it is also hard for your kid. Some parents are better at it than others. I hope you find ways to make it easier for yourself.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 13:19
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
What’s helped me is turning over a lot of the parenting to DH. You said yourself that he handles it better-so let him handle it.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 13:18
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
This is going to sound terrible, but our situation is identical and we have essentially half outsourced raising him to a phenomenal nanny who has half adopted him (not literally). He spends 2-3 nights per week at her house.
It costs a fortune but it has been absolutely wonderful and he actually does better with her. She has her own children who are older and stronger than our DS, and he actually does great with them and they model good behavior for him and force him to do chores, etc.
My deep secret shame is that during the summer, the nanny picked DS up on Monday mornings and dropped him off at our house on Friday nights. It was pure bliss.
It costs a fortune but it has been absolutely wonderful and he actually does better with her. She has her own children who are older and stronger than our DS, and he actually does great with them and they model good behavior for him and force him to do chores, etc.
My deep secret shame is that during the summer, the nanny picked DS up on Monday mornings and dropped him off at our house on Friday nights. It was pure bliss.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 12:13
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:My oldest is 5. I suspect he is autistic and has ADHD, but is high functioning and very smart so his teachers can’t tell. His behavior at home was horrible and has just started getting better now that we’re homeschooling. I think he masked all day at preschool and was just so stressed out from it that he went crazy by the time he got home.
I joined a bunch of autism and ADHD and sensory processing disorder groups and read all the suggested books I could find. I feel like the most useful things I’ve learned are to just say ok when he doesn’t want to do something that isn’t honestly all that important, avoiding meltdowns before they start (so figuring out triggers), and to try to decrease the yelling I do/watch what I say.
The Explosive Child was one of the more helpful books. I took notes on all the books I read, so that I can remember helpful tidbits. I think also remembering that kids do well when they can and that your SN kid isn’t trying to be a monster helps. Also remembering that traditional parenting techniques just don’t work with a lot of Autistic kids.
+1
Originally, I received a lot of help from his OT helping me find triggers for my 3/4 y.o. Thanks to her, I put into place a fairly regimented routine. The routine helped as did OT for SPD issues, brushing, Mozart in the morning before school, and consistent meals and bedtime. Don't fight about what is important. Like your DS, mine was very smart, so it was important to talk to him about what to expect ahead of time when the routine had to change. He may not have liked it, but he felt prepared and that helped him feel a sense of control.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 11:53
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?
Please don't read this!! Only makes you feel worse about yourself. So sick of ppl bringing this up
Anonymous
09/10/2023 11:43
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:How old is your child, OP? I would look into ABA (you can get it even without an autism diagnosis, as we did). Our child made tremendous progress and it gave us a huge break because his instructors would come to our house for 7-8 hours a day to work with him. It gave us all some much-needed structure, taught him all sorts of skills, and was the best thing we ever did for him. I would be happy to talk with you offline if you want more information. Another SN mom did this for me and it changed the entire trajectory of our son’s life and preserved our mental health.
Same!! Another mom turned me on to ABA and it is a game changer. But you probably need an ASD diagnosis for insurance to cover.
Also, I can't remember now its been so long, but can a Developmental Ped diagnosis ASD? We saw a develop ped at 3 years old who diagnosised our son with ADHD and then a neuropysch at 6 who then did the ASD diagnosis.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 11:26
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
Another vote for you to skip the Holland story, OP.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 11:15
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
I got therapy for myself and went as often as once a week in the beginning. It helped so much. If you’re near Bethesda I highly recommend Jessica Kramer - she has lots of patients with special needs kids.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 11:00
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?
No no no no this article is the worst. The worsr.
It is trite conserving shite.
The absolute worst. Why do people recommend it??
It moves a lot of people and that’s why it’s around.
Like anything, some will react differently.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 11:00
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?
No no no no this article is the worst. The worsr.
It is trite condescending w
It is trite conserving shite.
The absolute worst. Why do people recommend it??
It is trite condescending shite.
Anonymous
09/10/2023 10:59
Subject: Re:I can't handle my kid with SN
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Have you read “ Welcome to Holland” it’s not going to fix his you feel necessarily but may help you stop comparing yourself to your friends with typical kids.
Can you and spouse give each other breaks so you can still get a break? Use that time to work out?
No no no no this article is the worst. The worsr.
It is trite conserving shite.
The absolute worst. Why do people recommend it??
Anonymous
09/10/2023 10:54
Subject: I can't handle my kid with SN
I pray each day to Christ for wisdom, strength, and patience. My prayers are generally answered.