Navigating this: the budget, family expectations, making peace with wants vs reality. It's the first, substantial challenge most young couples face - together. Good! It's good grounding for their future. All about compromise with no firm right or wrong approach.

Each member of the couple discusses with their respective parents separately how much parents are willing to contribute to the wedding events and their desired number of invitees. Events include rehearsal dinner, wedding and reception, and a brunch the day after wedding (optional). Then the couple gets together and decides on a budget.

Anonymous wrote:Divorce rate should make people spend less on weddings but sadly we live in an era of social media so weddings are actually becoming more expensive. My BIL spent $30K just on fresh floral decor.

Why would a decreasing divorce rate make people spend less?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If bride's parents can't afford to pay for the type of wedding that the couple wants, shouldn't the grooms family step up and contribute? What are the rules now for paying for a wedding?

Grooms family pays for rehearsal dinner and out of town guest accommodations.

If the bride's family cannot afford the kind of wedding that the couple wants, then the couple should have a different kind of wedding unless they pay for it themselves.

My brother married a woman who has sort of delusional fantasies about being southern aristocracy even though her father drives a school bus. She wanted an elaborate wedding at a southern plantation and guilted my parents into 'helping to pay for it'. Since then, my parents have also been guilted into paying for private schools they cannot afford for their kids, a house they cannot afford, cars they cannot afford, travel they cannot afford. Meanwhile my parents are living in a house that probably should be condemned.

If the bride is a parasite, then this needs to be reined in sooner rather than later. Just say no folks. Really how hard is that?

DH's parents paid for half of our wedding, and paid for all of the rehearsal dinner.

DH wanted a big wedding, and I wanted to do something small or elope.

I would never have asked or wanted my parents to pay for a big wedding--they don't have a lot of money, but also big weddings are just not a thing in our family (my parents eloped, etc.). So, DH and I were planning to pay for it ourselves. DH's parents surprised us after the wedding with a large check as a "wedding present," for exactly 1/2 the cost of the wedding. They are very generous, but it was completely unexpected.

If bride's parents can't afford to pay for the type of wedding that the couple wants, shouldn't the grooms family step up and contribute? What are the rules now for paying for a wedding?


The "type" of wedding? So, if the young couple, generally, has a history of being responsible with money and being mature about what they spend, here' my answer: Bride's Family gives a set amount. It's what the Bride's Parents are comfortable giving. It's up to the couple to supplement with more of their own money to fill in any gaps. I think The Groom's parents pay if they are upping the numbers to accommodate more people they want, or making any particular special requests -- subject to Bride & Groom agreeing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the brides parents are paying at least $30K, anything above that is on the couple. $30K is a average wedding budget.

Some wedding dresses are $10K, that's not much.

There is no reason to pay $10K for a dress.

The people planning the wedding should pay for the wedding. These are the 2023 rules.

Divorce rate should make people spend less on weddings but sadly we live in an era of social media so weddings are actually becoming more expensive. My BIL spent $30K just on fresh floral decor.

I went to a retired cop on disability daughters wedding in a VFH Hall basement with buffet from a local Delli and tap beer. Cake a local Italian bakery.

Guess what the groom had money, groom parents had money but the Father of Bride wanted to pay.

Does not have to be fancy to be fun.

No, the bride and groom should pay. We had a wedding for a few thousand. There is want vs need. I am not paying for a lavish wedding.

I had my big fat New York wedding. Weddings are not worth all this gnashing of teeth. Keep it classy by being a small intimate occasion with people who you truly care about. I hated my wedding.

Anonymous wrote:If the brides parents are paying at least $30K, anything above that is on the couple. $30K is an average wedding budget.

Lol around here? I doubt it. That’s a pretty crappy wedding.

If the brides parents are the hosts, they host in accordance with their budget, but make major decisions with the couple hopefully. If they don’t wish to host, or if the couple wants something different/larger, then the couple hosts and both sets of parents can give a financial gift of any size toward the event. Show me the wording on the invite and I’ll tell you who is paying.

Anonymous wrote:If they can’t even pay for the wedding themselves, they are not ready to get married.

+1

It’s so outdated to expect parents to pay for a wedding. People aren’t getting married at 18 anymore.