Anonymous wrote:OP what everyone is telling you about this being normal is correct.

What stopped diaper kicking for us was a small flashlight she only got at diaper changes and has different colors she could point at the ceiling and amuse herself with. You will get blinded a couple times but you won’t get kicked and you won’t get poop everywhere.

DP. Great advice, PP.

The "Naughty" word is disturbing to hear by a parent in reference to a 15 month old. Please, not said snarkily, but get to a parenting class ASAP to help develop a more reasonable set of expectations so you can support your son from the beginning, or this may turn into a huge problem later in life for both of you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Keep refocusing him. He's throwing kibble to get a rise out of you. He wants to see where the boundary is and what happens when he crosses it.
Give 2 positive options that you're okay with (do you want your baby doll or your stuffed animal with your nap?). It gives the illusion that they have some choice, which is what they really want.
Do not back down!! If you say no to something, you better stand strong and not give in. This is pretty crucial for parenting.

A lot of times if it's something that needs done, but they won't do it, (like holding hands while crossing the street) I will just pick them up. Sometimes that makes them whine even more, so I will ask do you want to hold hands or be carried?

Rolling my eyes at this answer because these are only the correct answers for easy kids. Some kids do things just to explore how stuff works or entertain not get “get a rise” out of caregivers. Ignoring and redirecting do not work on stubborn kids.

And mine isn’t dumb enough to ever, EVER choose one of the options when she wants neither. She will just repeat the third thing she wants that you didn’t offer. If I say, you can either hold my hand or I’ll carry you, which would you prefer? She’ll say, I’d prefer to run into the street. Big Little Feelings is a total waste of money for sensitive or defiant kids.

Lol. Okay…your kid isn’t special or unique (or…smarter?! Lol.) in that, that’s how they all respond naturally / initially. You take it a step farther by then saying okay, if you don’t choose I’ll choose for you. And give her one more chance to choose, and then you do choose for her - in your example, you pick her up and carry her across the street, against her will, and as she protests calmly say “yes, you didn’t choose and I chose for you; next time you can try choosing if you want.” You approach all of this in a very blasé / painfully calm and emotionally uninvested manner. Do not change course when you pick her up and she immediately says, “no I want to hold your hand!!!” - the answer is still ‘you had a chance to choose and decided not, but next time you can decide to choose if you like.”

Also, her child is most definitely continuing this behavior because he gets a reaction - OP said as much (somewhere down the line he decided “no” was funny. The answer to this obviously involves stopping using “no” when you redirect, in addition to incorporating advice other wise PPs have shared

Anonymous wrote:Negative attention is still attention and your kid is enjoying getting you worked up. I wouldn't even bother with "no", I'd just try to keep as blank and bored a face as possible while he's testing your patience and give him a lot of gushing attention when he's behaving well - even if its just for a second.

Yep, this

OP what everyone is telling you about this being normal is correct.

What stopped diaper kicking for us was a small flashlight she only got at diaper changes and has different colors she could point at the ceiling and amuse herself with. You will get blinded a couple times but you won’t get kicked and you won’t get poop everywhere.

On the high chair / food throwing issue, could you move him to a booster seat or a kiddie table for meals? My toddler at that age was a nightmare in the high chair but once we moved her to the booster seat, she was so much better behaved. Something to try out!

Negative attention is still attention and your kid is enjoying getting you worked up. I wouldn't even bother with "no", I'd just try to keep as blank and bored a face as possible while he's testing your patience and give him a lot of gushing attention when he's behaving well - even if its just for a second.

This is all very normal, but this is the key age (12-18 months) when you teach toddlers not to do things like this. I would not advise just waiting until he grows out of it. So a few tools that might help you.

-Very close (distance wise) supervision. From mobility to about 16-18 months old, I found I really couldn’t be more than an arms length away. You need to reinforce immediately. So, for example, with the kibble - as soon as he reaches toward the kibble, you intercept his hand, move him 2 feet away, and say “that’s a no” clearly and firmly. If he’s already got kibble in his hand you’re too late. If he’s already thrown it, you’re WAY too late. Basically, if you’ve decided he’s not allowed to touch kibble, he should NEVER successfully touch kibble. Consistency is key.

-Repetition. In the above example, he will immediately crawl or toddle back to the kibble and try to grab it again. Toddlers are determined. You just repeat the same interception, move him away, “that’s a no.” DO NOT get frustrated or change your approach or give up even if he makes the exact same attempt 20 times. Do not reason or over talk or even redirect. He will eventually realize his efforts are futile and give up, and that’s how he learns (both not to touch the kibble, and what “that’s a no” means, and that what mom says goes). Incredibly valuable lesson. The next day he’ll prob only try 8 times. But he WILL learn, before 18 months, if you’re consistent and repetitive.

-Never, ever cave because of your child’s (not injured) screams or evasive maneuvers. They will so quickly learn to just scream for what they want or run from what they don’t. So - dinner is X minutes long (maybe start with 10). At 15 months, he should still be strapped in to a high chair. He can scream all he wants, he’s sitting in that chair for 10 minutes. And once he gets down, the meal is over and food is not available until the next meal or snack. Don’t offer food unless he’s in the chair. You’re in complete control of this. He runs away before nap, you just grab him and do the nap routine. Remember - close supervision. He’s 15 months old not Usain Bolt. If you say it’s naptime, he shouldn’t be able to get more than a few feet away without being caught.

-Pick you battles. The one here I wouldn’t fight is the banging toys. He shouldn’t really have many breakable toys, and if he wants to play by banging on the floor, that’d be fine with me. Do his common play spaces have carpet? That might help.

-Stomping food is solved by never giving food outside the high chair. I’d probably solve the “sitting for a meal” issue first and then work on the food throwing. For that, we had success with our first with taking their hand, giving it a gentle squeeze, and saying “that’s a no.” After 3 attempts, it was “okay, you seem to be done eating” and take the food away.

You can also try portioning it out much smaller. My youngest liked to throw, so after she threw three times, I’d take all the food away except for literally once small piece, and replace it once she ate it. That worked well for her.

I’ll confess neither of my kids were diaper wrigglers. Seems like either just holding them down or a special “just for diaper changes” toy would be a good distraction, but I don’t have experience with that one.

Yes, it’s exhausting. But, if you set clear, firm boundaries starting at this age, by 18 months or so, you’ll actually be able to do chores while also watching your kids (no more waiting till nap time to unload the dishwasher!) and it’s AWESOME.

OP, I have 3 boys. They are teens now. Everything your son is doing is normal, not naughty, very normal. Imagine he is a puppy. Remove things you don't want him to touch. Offer alternative things to throw and play with. You should change his diaper standing up. Always reinforce good behavior with lots of praise.

I know you are a good mom and you will laugh at this post in the near future.

Anonymous wrote:Am I only the person who thinks it weird to call human food kibble?

CAT kibble

Anonymous wrote:First of all, don't worry about your parents. People develop total amnesia about the day-to-day of parenting a toddler when they get older and they lose patience with the reality of it when they visit their grandkids. Tell them "thanks but no thanks". Also, we know a whole lot more about children's cognitive development now and spanking doesn't do any good and may be doing harm to their ability to trust and rely on you as their safe person.

In any case, try to re-frame how you look at him. He's not a little adult who "knows better". He is literally a blank slate who needs to be taught how to be in the world. It really does help with your ability to be patient if you can look at him as this tiny person that you need to guide through every scenario in life.

I didn't go crazy baby-proofing but I definitely had the door knob to the pantry (where the dog food is) baby proofed and locks on all the kitchen cabinets. I tried to look at the room from his eye level and just put things I didn't want my kids to touch up higher. You just need to be strategic about where things go--even if it's awkwardly all piled up on a shelf for now. It's annoying to unlock the cabinets but it's a phase and will pass. Little by little, as his brain develops impulse control, you can pull back on the baby proofing. Even then, he will make messes. He is literally a little scientist throwing things up in the air to test cause-and-effect and investigating the world. He has to do this--it is essential for his brain to grow and learn. Just keep his world toddler-appropriate and you will save yourself time and headaches.

This is an exhausting age--they are go-go-go with absolutely no judgement. But...he will never be cuter and you will never be more the center of his universe. Take time to yourself when you can and find the joy in this phase when you can. I never found any cliche to be more true than "the days are long but the years are fast!" Good luck OP!

OP, this is so important- please listen to this poster about parental advice. They did things very differently back then. Awful.
You have received very thoughtful advice here and I hope it helps you. It is very, very hard to be a first time mom with no real experience.
Have you looked into moms’ groups? It was life changing for me and I wish I had found one earlier. Even if everyone is a lot different than you, the support is so helpful.

I think you’ve gotten good advice so far. I also have an energetic/destructive 1yo. It’s a difficult age for sure!

I think the underlying key is that you mostly have to create space in which there are no options to be “naughty” physically. Sometimes that means modifying your living space (kibble goes in a cupboard with a child lock for sure!) but other times it means physically constraining the child. My kids don’t get to be free of their high chair for eating until they can talk/reason (around 2) and even then bad manners like throwing food means they go back in. I have hearty unpicky eaters so I have no issue taking food they throw on the floor away from the table, even if that means they don’t get a full meal, as me that works to convince them that throwing food is not a good idea; I feel like this is harder if you’re worried about your kid’s weight however.

I think the final piece of advice which I haven’t seen here is that for chaotic kids, getting them outside and exhausted is important! My kids go to outside to something energic for them (playground, pool, walking independently to the park, etc) at least twice a day (at least an hour per thing). When we go to the library, we often go to the playground first. My 1yo is way more likely to sit on my lap to be read to if he’s spent at least 30 minutes chasing his sister down the slide first. On the rare days we stay home (for sickness or weather usually) I try to do active chores they can be involved in (vacuuming is basically tag in my house — the kids love being “chased” by the vacuum cleaner — and “cleaning the bathroom” is good for indoor water play although I recommend stripping him down to his diaper first) and accept that if I don’t do that all day, everything will be extremely messy.

Finally for diaper changes, I started potty training early. This is a very personal call do don’t do it if it will stress you out but for me getting even one poop in the toilet is one less diaper change I have to wrestle and I think it’s worth it. I skipped the tiny potty and put him straight on the toilet insert so he can’t get down on his own. We do this on waking, after breakfast, before and after naps, and are working up to doing it hourly on weekends. I don’t expect him to be fully trained any earlier than my older kid who I started around 2 but getting most of his poop in the toilet lets me do standing diaper changes for the most part which is much less stressful.

First of all, don't worry about your parents. People develop total amnesia about the day-to-day of parenting a toddler when they get older and they lose patience with the reality of it when they visit their grandkids. Tell them "thanks but no thanks". Also, we know a whole lot more about children's cognitive development now and spanking doesn't do any good and may be doing harm to their ability to trust and rely on you as their safe person.

In any case, try to re-frame how you look at him. He's not a little adult who "knows better". He is literally a blank slate who needs to be taught how to be in the world. It really does help with your ability to be patient if you can look at him as this tiny person that you need to guide through every scenario in life.

I didn't go crazy baby-proofing but I definitely had the door knob to the pantry (where the dog food is) baby proofed and locks on all the kitchen cabinets. I tried to look at the room from his eye level and just put things I didn't want my kids to touch up higher. You just need to be strategic about where things go--even if it's awkwardly all piled up on a shelf for now. It's annoying to unlock the cabinets but it's a phase and will pass. Little by little, as his brain develops impulse control, you can pull back on the baby proofing. Even then, he will make messes. He is literally a little scientist throwing things up in the air to test cause-and-effect and investigating the world. He has to do this--it is essential for his brain to grow and learn. Just keep his world toddler-appropriate and you will save yourself time and headaches.

This is an exhausting age--they are go-go-go with absolutely no judgement. But...he will never be cuter and you will never be more the center of his universe. Take time to yourself when you can and find the joy in this phase when you can. I never found any cliche to be more true than "the days are long but the years are fast!" Good luck OP!

Am I only the person who thinks it weird to call human food kibble?

There is really no "discipline" at this age. Just keep redirecting.