Anonymous
09/08/2023 11:30
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Ski mom here,
I didn’t mean to derail with a conversation about my situation. Just to point out that sometimes behavior that would usually be fine can get twisted in abusive situations, and the nonabusive parent might need to set limits on things that would otherwise be fine.
I didn’t mean to derail with a conversation about my situation. Just to point out that sometimes behavior that would usually be fine can get twisted in abusive situations, and the nonabusive parent might need to set limits on things that would otherwise be fine.
Anonymous
09/08/2023 07:51
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
OP hasn't said anything about giving her kids spending money or not.
Abusive and controlling parents take normal things and twist them to their purposes. So, they lose the right to do those normal things.
My kid sent his Dad photos from their vacation, which led to him asking a million questions, and then screaming at my kid about how he shouldn't have left me alone, because I might have snuck off to meet a man (I put kid in a ski lesson and went to the grocery store. No man was involved.). So, even though seeing pictures of your kid when you are separated is a very normal thing to do, he doesn't get to do it.
Did you cheat on your ex? Clearly there is more going on here. And, why did you leave your kid alone? You stay and monitor the lesson and then take your child to the grocery store. Why would you leave your child with a stranger on vacation? I'd question that judgement too.
Mom can give kid access to money and hand back the card to Dad saying thank you, I've given the kid spending money and he doesn't need this.
You obviously know nothing about ski lessons. No you don’t stay/tag along on your kid’s ski lesson. The instructor takes them up the mountain and you either wait in the lodge to see from afar the few times they come down to catch the lift, or you do something else as PP did.
Anonymous
09/08/2023 06:29
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
OP hasn't said anything about giving her kids spending money or not.
Abusive and controlling parents take normal things and twist them to their purposes. So, they lose the right to do those normal things.
My kid sent his Dad photos from their vacation, which led to him asking a million questions, and then screaming at my kid about how he shouldn't have left me alone, because I might have snuck off to meet a man (I put kid in a ski lesson and went to the grocery store. No man was involved.). So, even though seeing pictures of your kid when you are separated is a very normal thing to do, he doesn't get to do it.
Did you cheat on your ex? Clearly there is more going on here. And, why did you leave your kid alone? You stay and monitor the lesson and then take your child to the grocery store. Why would you leave your child with a stranger on vacation? I'd question that judgement too.
Mom can give kid access to money and hand back the card to Dad saying thank you, I've given the kid spending money and he doesn't need this.
I didn’t happen to cheat on him. It would also be irrelevant if I did because it’s not my child’s job to police my behavior.
You come here often and post that if the mom did something wrong, it justifies abusing the kid. That thinking is so twisted. A child is not an extension of mom, or a tool for punishing her. Abusing a child because you don’t like an adult’s behavior isn’t ever a OK thing to do.
Anonymous
09/08/2023 00:19
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
OP hasn't said anything about giving her kids spending money or not.
Abusive and controlling parents take normal things and twist them to their purposes. So, they lose the right to do those normal things.
My kid sent his Dad photos from their vacation, which led to him asking a million questions, and then screaming at my kid about how he shouldn't have left me alone, because I might have snuck off to meet a man (I put kid in a ski lesson and went to the grocery store. No man was involved.). So, even though seeing pictures of your kid when you are separated is a very normal thing to do, he doesn't get to do it.
Did you cheat on your ex? Clearly there is more going on here. And, why did you leave your kid alone? You stay and monitor the lesson and then take your child to the grocery store. Why would you leave your child with a stranger on vacation? I'd question that judgement too.
Mom can give kid access to money and hand back the card to Dad saying thank you, I've given the kid spending money and he doesn't need this.
Monitor the kid on a ski lesson? Have you ever been skiing?? That isn’t a thing, you can’t just randomly be a grown up at ski school with a bunch of kids and is way overkill for tagging along on a private lesson. Dad was pissed KID left MOM alone, not that kid was in any danger.
Anonymous
09/08/2023 00:08
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
OP hasn't said anything about giving her kids spending money or not.
Abusive and controlling parents take normal things and twist them to their purposes. So, they lose the right to do those normal things.
My kid sent his Dad photos from their vacation, which led to him asking a million questions, and then screaming at my kid about how he shouldn't have left me alone, because I might have snuck off to meet a man (I put kid in a ski lesson and went to the grocery store. No man was involved.). So, even though seeing pictures of your kid when you are separated is a very normal thing to do, he doesn't get to do it.
Did you cheat on your ex? Clearly there is more going on here. And, why did you leave your kid alone? You stay and monitor the lesson and then take your child to the grocery store. Why would you leave your child with a stranger on vacation? I'd question that judgement too.
Mom can give kid access to money and hand back the card to Dad saying thank you, I've given the kid spending money and he doesn't need this.
Or her ex is just a psycho. Many such cases. She didn't say how old the kid was so it may have been fine to leave him. Even if she was wrong on that, yelling at his kid that he left his mom alone to run off with a man is sick. Clearly his concern was not safety.
Anonymous
09/07/2023 23:43
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
OP hasn't said anything about giving her kids spending money or not.
Abusive and controlling parents take normal things and twist them to their purposes. So, they lose the right to do those normal things.
My kid sent his Dad photos from their vacation, which led to him asking a million questions, and then screaming at my kid about how he shouldn't have left me alone, because I might have snuck off to meet a man (I put kid in a ski lesson and went to the grocery store. No man was involved.). So, even though seeing pictures of your kid when you are separated is a very normal thing to do, he doesn't get to do it.
Did you cheat on your ex? Clearly there is more going on here. And, why did you leave your kid alone? You stay and monitor the lesson and then take your child to the grocery store. Why would you leave your child with a stranger on vacation? I'd question that judgement too.
Mom can give kid access to money and hand back the card to Dad saying thank you, I've given the kid spending money and he doesn't need this.
Anonymous
09/07/2023 22:25
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
OP hasn't said anything about giving her kids spending money or not.
Abusive and controlling parents take normal things and twist them to their purposes. So, they lose the right to do those normal things.
My kid sent his Dad photos from their vacation, which led to him asking a million questions, and then screaming at my kid about how he shouldn't have left me alone, because I might have snuck off to meet a man (I put kid in a ski lesson and went to the grocery store. No man was involved.). So, even though seeing pictures of your kid when you are separated is a very normal thing to do, he doesn't get to do it.
Anonymous
09/07/2023 06:07
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
It is normal to monitor your kids. Why don’t you give your kid spending money?
Anonymous
09/07/2023 05:58
Subject: Re:Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:So tell your kid that when he’s with you, the card stays on your nightstand.
Ex insists that kid carry card in wallet all the time everywhere, even when kid is not with ex/is with me.
And are you going to continue to roll over for his every demand even now that the marriage is over? Sorry if this sounds harsh, but you are half of the child’s parents too, and you can insist that the card stays on the nightstand. Done.
Anonymous
09/06/2023 18:58
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
"I did not agree to the card and (child) will not be using it during my parenting time. Please keep the card with you when child is dropped off."
Anonymous
09/06/2023 18:52
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Ex (who was physically, verbally, financially, emotionally abusive) set up a green light card for tween. Card allows ex to monitor spending and incentivize/control the kid with money; card also allows location tracking. Ex also got kid a wallet and insists kid carry card in wallet everywhere. I find this really troubling. It would not be with a normal person but with him it is making me sick to my stomach.
This doesn't sound abusive. He is allowed to know where his child is. Many of us track our kids. We have our child carry money and apple pay. Eventually we will get them a credit card. Are you giving the child spending money? What's wrong with Dad giving spending money and being involved? Sounds like he cannot do anything right.
You are sick. This need to track your kids is crazy. I hate the way you nut jobs normalize this.
Anonymous
09/06/2023 16:50
Subject: Abusive ex and controlling behavior with kid
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP here, with the abusive ex.
First of all, Greenlight cards don't seem to track the cards. The tracking is through the Greenlight app. So, if the phone goes to school, it doesn't matter if the card does. At least that's my understanding. I would delete the app and make sure that location sharing is off on your kid's phone at all times.
I think that if you want to tackle this, you need to make it very clear that it's you setting the limit, and not your kid setting the limit. So, if you have supervised custody exchanges, remind the kid at the custody exchange that the card stays with Dad and watch him hand it over. Or have your attorney send his something saying that the card will stay in a drawer. Or whatever.
I wouldn't just put it in the drawer, and then expect the kid to explain to Dad that the reason it looks like he didn't go to school is because kid chose to obey you rather than Dad.
If your ex isn't abusive towards the kid, that might change my answer, but I don't have experience with that situation.
So if I have the Greenlight app on my phone can he track me even if I didn’t choose to turn on location services?
I don't know. As a parent with a stalker ex, it's not an app I'd allow on my phone or my kid's phone.
We have location services turned off most of the time but it sometimes gets turned on for things like uber, so I would want to be careful.