Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:50     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That seems like something my wife would send me, or I would send her, if one of us was traveling or leaving early and it was garbage day. I probably would have added some pleasantries or terms of affection, but that's just me.

I see nothing wrong with it.


I (DW) have in the past sent this to DH, and he hates it. But it took a long time for him to tell him and it eventually boiled over. I manage a bunch of people and would write with more courtesy to them. I try and make an effort to text requests with more courtesy to DH.


What would "more courtesy" look like?
I thought OP was upset because there is too much courtesy, so it looks like a coworker.

BTW, this sort of disagreement about "courtesy" usually happens because the wider context lacks intimacy. For a marriage to man, that usually means physical affection is absent.


NP, but in my house it would read something like "hey, sweetheart, could you take the trash out please? Also there's those grass clippings. Thanks, I love you!"

At my house:
Don't forget trash
Later on:
You forgot the grass clippings

There would be no hurt feelings but maybe because we are never condescending or demanding in person so we wouldn't read each other's texts like that. This text could go from dh to dw or the other way just as easily.


Of course, I was just pointing out what "more courtesy" looks like, at least to me. We also talk like this to each other in person all the time, and don't ever really have conflicts over communication.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:47     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That seems like something my wife would send me, or I would send her, if one of us was traveling or leaving early and it was garbage day. I probably would have added some pleasantries or terms of affection, but that's just me.

I see nothing wrong with it.


I (DW) have in the past sent this to DH, and he hates it. But it took a long time for him to tell him and it eventually boiled over. I manage a bunch of people and would write with more courtesy to them. I try and make an effort to text requests with more courtesy to DH.


What would "more courtesy" look like?
I thought OP was upset because there is too much courtesy, so it looks like a coworker.

BTW, this sort of disagreement about "courtesy" usually happens because the wider context lacks intimacy. For a marriage to man, that usually means physical affection is absent.


NP, but in my house it would read something like "hey, sweetheart, could you take the trash out please? Also there's those grass clippings. Thanks, I love you!"

At my house:
Don't forget trash
Later on:
You forgot the grass clippings

There would be no hurt feelings but maybe because we are never condescending or demanding in person so we wouldn't read each other's texts like that. This text could go from dh to dw or the other way just as easily.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:46     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.


The person who wrote that text to you at 6 a.m. is wrong, not you. Period.

Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:46     Subject: Re:What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
I'm a DW and I would have no problem receiving this text. We often work together to put out the trash and recycling the night before but if we're too tired he will usually take care of it early the next morning. I'd just assume DH forgot in his rush to get out the door.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:44     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Good god OP. It's just f'king trash. Take it out and be done with it.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:41     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That seems like something my wife would send me, or I would send her, if one of us was traveling or leaving early and it was garbage day. I probably would have added some pleasantries or terms of affection, but that's just me.

I see nothing wrong with it.


I (DW) have in the past sent this to DH, and he hates it. But it took a long time for him to tell him and it eventually boiled over. I manage a bunch of people and would write with more courtesy to them. I try and make an effort to text requests with more courtesy to DH.


What would "more courtesy" look like?
I thought OP was upset because there is too much courtesy, so it looks like a coworker.

BTW, this sort of disagreement about "courtesy" usually happens because the wider context lacks intimacy. For a marriage to man, that usually means physical affection is absent.


NP, but in my house it would read something like "hey, sweetheart, could you take the trash out please? Also there's those grass clippings. Thanks, I love you!"
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:40     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Honestly I get OP feeling a bit huffed about it, but the hyperbolic way the post was written suggest that OP has much deeper pent up frustrations than just one faux pas text.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:38     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
If you consider that the alternative to a polite text is your SO taking the trash out, being a bit late for work, and being slightly mad at you for not doing it, you're coming out ahead here.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:38     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
were
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:38     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Seems entirely normal in any relationship where it's understood that someone has to take out the trash?

Either my husband or I could send this to each other or my teen son. My daughter is a little young to take out the large trash cans.

Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:37     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
OP when you take the bins out, grab a handful of grass clippings and sprinkle them in a heart shape on the street. Take a picture with your phone and send it.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:36     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.


It's not an order - "I am directing you to take out the trash." But it's not a request, either, in that it's not optional. The trash needs to be taken out, you can't decide not to do it.

It's a notification that it's trash day, and a reminder that the trash needs to be taken out. That's it. I agree with the PP - I don't need (or want) a lot of schmoopie stuff during the daily grind of life, but if you do, communicate your needs.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:36     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.


Would you rather the person huffed and puffed and then sent a passive aggressive text saying something like "I guess I'll take the trash out this morning? Do they come today?" Which is obviously a request for you to take the trash out next time but super annoying. The best marriage advice I ever heard was, "Simply make the request. Do not expect the other person to figure it out and read your mind. Simply make the request." And this person did! And said thank you!


These are the only two options: treat your spouse like an employee or huff.


Sometimes a task is just transactional. We aren't laying the grass clippings on the flowerbeds and making love on them.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:35     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:Op here, my issue is that despite the please and thank you, it seems like an order, not a request. But based on your replies I guess I am wrong.


Why are you so resistant to being told you need to take care of adult tasks?

Honestly your partner should be upset they have to send this at all.
Anonymous
Post 08/30/2023 09:34     Subject: What kind of relationship includes a text like this?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That seems like something my wife would send me, or I would send her, if one of us was traveling or leaving early and it was garbage day. I probably would have added some pleasantries or terms of affection, but that's just me.

I see nothing wrong with it.


I (DW) have in the past sent this to DH, and he hates it. But it took a long time for him to tell him and it eventually boiled over. I manage a bunch of people and would write with more courtesy to them. I try and make an effort to text requests with more courtesy to DH.


What would "more courtesy" look like?
I thought OP was upset because there is too much courtesy, so it looks like a coworker.

BTW, this sort of disagreement about "courtesy" usually happens because the wider context lacks intimacy. For a marriage to man, that usually means physical affection is absent.