I was a kid who could not eat when anxious and ran cross country and track. I definitely ate less when starting school with a new schedule and new people. But eventually would settle into a routine. I was unable to eat at all on meet days until after my race. None of this affected my performance. Also nobody had water bottles back then and hydration was not a thing at all.

If he’s eating in the evenings he’s fine. I really wouldn’t worry.

I was like this at his age. Still am. Anxiety suppresses my appetite before it does anything else.

I also don’t eat when I’m not hungry. As a result, it has always been challenging for me to eat in socially obligatory situations. I’d be perfectly happy to sit there at the table and enjoy conversation, but other people are clearly unnerved unless everyone is eating simultaneously.

No body dysmorphia, though—and that is the thing I’d keep an eye on. If he is consuming adequate calories to maintain his weight, give this some space. Being pressured about eating is not a good experience.

Americans are nutty about “hydration” generally. Nobody had water bottles on them in the 1980s and we didn’t go to the water fountain all that often either.

Anonymous wrote:My 16 yo son is like this. Drives me bonkers. He refuses to eat breakfast after brushing his teeth. Grrrrrr. Will eat like a hungry wild after school—early dinner. Will ask for a lot of food. I try to have a big meal ready.

He does carry his huge heavy water bottle to school w him. Full of ice and water and drinks from it during the day.

My 16 yo son is like this. Drives me bonkers. He refuses to eat breakfast after brushing his teeth. Grrrrrr. Will eat like a hungry wild after school—early dinner. Will ask for a lot of food. I try to have a big meal ready.

I often have to remind myself that the needs of my middle school boy are very different from me, a perimenopausal woman. He doesn’t feel hunger or temperature in the same way I do and he’s given me no reason to think he can’t self-regulate.

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. If it impacts his sports he’ll make a change. Sounds like he’s getting most of his calories in the evening which is fine.

You cannot control this. I know because I’ve tried.

+1 don’t borrow trouble. My own kid eats this way. I try to keep cut up vegetables, ramen, leftovers etc available so he can eat as soon as he gets home, then dinner and usually an after sport snack

He'll be fine. Relax.

Anonymous wrote:I was an athlete and didn’t eat at school. We also weren’t allowed to have water bottles throughout the day. We all survived. I think you just let this go. He’ll eat when he needs to.

Agree. You said he’s big and strong so he’s obviously eating enough. We didn’t carry water bottles everywhere we went or have constant snacks like they do in elementary school. If there’s extreme heat and you’re not in Texas the coaches will use common sense about heat and hydration.

You’re hovering over him more than is typical at his age.

I’ll add that my kids are picky eaters / not very food motivated - so we talk about food and sports as “charging your battery”. If I was truly worried about overall caloric intake and kids are allowed to have water bottles in class, I would send my kid with a bottle of Tailwind or something similar to the glucose/electrolyte solutions ultrarunners drink.

It’s called interoception - It’s the sense that helps you understand and feel what's going on inside your body. Kids who struggle with the interoceptive sense may have trouble knowing when they feel hungry, full, hot, cold, or thirsty.

As an adult who experiences this, it might be as simple as taking away choice and having something he can eat every day with minimal prep work. Personally I eat KOH or Holos high protein overnight oats every day. I make 2-3 at a time so I always have one. I eat them for lunch in a pinch. I add berries or a sliced banana when I remember. My older son is 9, but has the same issue. I pack protein bars in his lunch instead of a sandwich. It’s just some trial and error to find one with the right macros that is also tasty.

I would talk to the therapist about it.

Think about it this way. What are the repercussions if he can’t “perform” at middle school sports practice? I can’t think of any so this is really low risk. Let him figure this out on his own.

As kids get older you give your guidance bit you can’t control their every move,

OP, how are you addressing your anxiety?

Your language is extreme, "untenable" etc. Based on what? Him passing out at practice? Or your fears? You telling him you are going to monitor and control what goes in his mouth is not only doomed to failure but a sign the apple did not fall far from the tree. You are going to wreck your relationship with him too.

Have you tried CBT or DBT? If building a toolbox is not enough on its own, meds for you could also be helpful. Modeling managing anxiety is important.

If he is not passing out at practice your concerns about hydration are excessive and unwarranted. What does your DH say?

Anonymous wrote:I rarely remember drinking water as a kid other than at practice. We didn’t hydrate all day long and I did anything to avoid school bathrooms.

Your kid is 13/14. You can’t micromanage this. Buy a variety of things and have them around. Throw a bunch of different snacks in the pocket of his backpack. Neither of my kids ever ate breakfast. I would not keep talking about this to him if he’s eating in the evenings.

This. OP I think you need to learn to manage your own anxiety.

Let it go. If it impacts his sports he’ll make a change. Sounds like he’s getting most of his calories in the evening which is fine.

You cannot control this. I know because I’ve tried.