Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

It can be more efficient. But depending on family size, frequency of washing and your daily activities (eg sports), your family may have so much laundry that combining loads is irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

True, my son would run the machine for just his favorite pair of shorts and nothing else!

DP. How does doing laundry on his behalf prevent your DS from washing a single article of clothing? Do you do laundry every day? My kids do their own laundry and I've inculcated in them that they can't just do a few articles of clothing. They need to have at least 5 and, if needed, they can throw in other family member's laundry. I'd rather the front loader take on the 'efficiency' of laundry than me having to do it. My time is more valuable than my kids'.

The level of effort to make a dinner sufficiently large for everyone is much lower than the effort to do laundry and the time frames are different. Everyone eats in the evening. Not everyone needs to have their laundry done at the same time or on a daily basis. We don't make dinner for everyone because it's efficient, we do it because we all need to be fed and we sit and eat together. Regarding grocery shopping - we keep a centralized list so whoever goes to the store can get what's on the list, not just because it's efficient but because it's polite and we share a household. But, I don't care if my kids run out to get something they want/need if it's an immediate need or they didn't put it on the list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this mentioned as a marker of a kid's maturity level. Why? I never did this for myself. I explained to my SAHM that something was an issue and she would help me figure out how to proceed with treatments and whether a doc visit was necessary. It's not something you just know how to do suddenly on your 16th birthday. Is it a sunburn or a rash? Let's try some aloe vera for a day and see. Are these recurring headaches possibly migraines? Let's try blocking the sun and putting you someplace dark and quiet to see if that matters, and let's track your food and sleeping patterns that might be triggering them. How would a kid know what sort of specialist might be needed? How do they know if you've got the money to cover the copay that week or not? How do they know that you can get them an excused absence from school for that day that the doc is available? How do these kids transport themselves to the doctor's office in the middle of the school day without parental involvement?

Good lord, you are a very literal thinker. It's not "hey, sick kid, go find a doctor off the internet and make an appointment since you have chronic migraines. kthxbye." It's "hey, you need a sports physical before the soccer season starts. Here's the number for the pediatrician [that you've been seeing since birth]. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays after 3 will work for my schedule to bring you there." You start with the 'easy' calls (i.e. scheduling a routine physical, dental cleaning, etc.) so that they can gradually build the skills needed to do the more complex stuff on their won.

The fact that they don't know how to do things on their 16th birthday is exactly WHY you teach them to do these things. They don't turn 25 and just know how to do these things suddenly either- so why not give them guided practice to equip them with the skills they need, when they still have the soft landing of being under your roof?

NP. To follow that logic....Why aren't they driving themselves to the doctor? And, frankly paying their own gas? Doesn't that also show independence.

I make appts for my 17 and 19 yo because I care more about it than they do, so they'd likely flake on it. They are capable of handling other logistics on their own, so this is not a hill I'm not going to die on.

They are flaky but capable?

God, you are all so miserable. Yes, they are flaky about routine doctor appts, is that hard to believe? They are quite capable filling out job applications, opening bank accounts, handling money, making dinner or golf reservations, paying rent, purchasing necessities, scheduling classes, and making medical appointments when they're away from home and have an emergency.

I will happily give you PARENT OF THE YEAR because you clearly want it more than I do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this mentioned as a marker of a kid's maturity level. Why? I never did this for myself. I explained to my SAHM that something was an issue and she would help me figure out how to proceed with treatments and whether a doc visit was necessary. It's not something you just know how to do suddenly on your 16th birthday. Is it a sunburn or a rash? Let's try some aloe vera for a day and see. Are these recurring headaches possibly migraines? Let's try blocking the sun and putting you someplace dark and quiet to see if that matters, and let's track your food and sleeping patterns that might be triggering them. How would a kid know what sort of specialist might be needed? How do they know if you've got the money to cover the copay that week or not? How do they know that you can get them an excused absence from school for that day that the doc is available? How do these kids transport themselves to the doctor's office in the middle of the school day without parental involvement?

Good lord, you are a very literal thinker. It's not "hey, sick kid, go find a doctor off the internet and make an appointment since you have chronic migraines. kthxbye." It's "hey, you need a sports physical before the soccer season starts. Here's the number for the pediatrician [that you've been seeing since birth]. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays after 3 will work for my schedule to bring you there." You start with the 'easy' calls (i.e. scheduling a routine physical, dental cleaning, etc.) so that they can gradually build the skills needed to do the more complex stuff on their won.

The fact that they don't know how to do things on their 16th birthday is exactly WHY you teach them to do these things. They don't turn 25 and just know how to do these things suddenly either- so why not give them guided practice to equip them with the skills they need, when they still have the soft landing of being under your roof?

You said everything that needed to be said...THANK YOU.

You can tell which parents are raising their kids to be self-reliant, self-sufficient, and self-sustaining, and which parents, like OP, are invested in helicopter parenting and intervening in every little thing for their child for as long as they can because they can't get over their desire to control everything and make sure "it's done right."

Seek therapy, OP. Your kid can make a phone call and book an appointment. It's good practice for navigating normal life skills they will need as an adult.

It's more about teaching them to manage the routine stuff. Here's the email from the dentist reminding you to come in, please call and make an appointment. It's part of how you pass off the "life management" to your teen, with you still around as a safety net.

If you don't do it, does the doctor appointment police come get you? No. But if you're still doing all the life management for your teen, you may want to re-evaluate before they leave home.

Other life management skills: basic car care (oil changes, inspections), laundry, cooking, clothes shopping, budgeting, etc. Healthcare is part of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

True, my son would run the machine for just his favorite pair of shorts and nothing else!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this mentioned as a marker of a kid's maturity level. Why? I never did this for myself. I explained to my SAHM that something was an issue and she would help me figure out how to proceed with treatments and whether a doc visit was necessary. It's not something you just know how to do suddenly on your 16th birthday. Is it a sunburn or a rash? Let's try some aloe vera for a day and see. Are these recurring headaches possibly migraines? Let's try blocking the sun and putting you someplace dark and quiet to see if that matters, and let's track your food and sleeping patterns that might be triggering them. How would a kid know what sort of specialist might be needed? How do they know if you've got the money to cover the copay that week or not? How do they know that you can get them an excused absence from school for that day that the doc is available? How do these kids transport themselves to the doctor's office in the middle of the school day without parental involvement?

Good lord, you are a very literal thinker. It's not "hey, sick kid, go find a doctor off the internet and make an appointment since you have chronic migraines. kthxbye." It's "hey, you need a sports physical before the soccer season starts. Here's the number for the pediatrician [that you've been seeing since birth]. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays after 3 will work for my schedule to bring you there." You start with the 'easy' calls (i.e. scheduling a routine physical, dental cleaning, etc.) so that they can gradually build the skills needed to do the more complex stuff on their won.

The fact that they don't know how to do things on their 16th birthday is exactly WHY you teach them to do these things. They don't turn 25 and just know how to do these things suddenly either- so why not give them guided practice to equip them with the skills they need, when they still have the soft landing of being under your roof?

NP. To follow that logic....Why aren't they driving themselves to the doctor? And, frankly paying their own gas? Doesn't that also show independence.

I make appts for my 17 and 19 yo because I care more about it than they do, so they'd likely flake on it. They are capable of handling other logistics on their own, so this is not a hill I'm not going to die on.

They are flaky but capable?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….

Because it is much more efficient to do larger loads combining laundry for the whole family. Like making dinner, or going grocery shopping, silly to have every family member doing it individually even though they are fully capable.

I'm pp and to be clear, I'm talking about routine physicals. My college-aged DS was able to make doctor appts while there in emergency situations, even though [gasp!] I do it for him annually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've seen this mentioned as a marker of a kid's maturity level. Why? I never did this for myself. I explained to my SAHM that something was an issue and she would help me figure out how to proceed with treatments and whether a doc visit was necessary. It's not something you just know how to do suddenly on your 16th birthday. Is it a sunburn or a rash? Let's try some aloe vera for a day and see. Are these recurring headaches possibly migraines? Let's try blocking the sun and putting you someplace dark and quiet to see if that matters, and let's track your food and sleeping patterns that might be triggering them. How would a kid know what sort of specialist might be needed? How do they know if you've got the money to cover the copay that week or not? How do they know that you can get them an excused absence from school for that day that the doc is available? How do these kids transport themselves to the doctor's office in the middle of the school day without parental involvement?

Good lord, you are a very literal thinker. It's not "hey, sick kid, go find a doctor off the internet and make an appointment since you have chronic migraines. kthxbye." It's "hey, you need a sports physical before the soccer season starts. Here's the number for the pediatrician [that you've been seeing since birth]. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays after 3 will work for my schedule to bring you there." You start with the 'easy' calls (i.e. scheduling a routine physical, dental cleaning, etc.) so that they can gradually build the skills needed to do the more complex stuff on their won.

The fact that they don't know how to do things on their 16th birthday is exactly WHY you teach them to do these things. They don't turn 25 and just know how to do these things suddenly either- so why not give them guided practice to equip them with the skills they need, when they still have the soft landing of being under your roof?

NP. To follow that logic....Why aren't they driving themselves to the doctor? And, frankly paying their own gas? Doesn't that also show independence.

I make appts for my 17 and 19 yo because I care more about it than they do, so they'd likely flake on it. They are capable of handling other logistics on their own, so this is not a hill I'm not going to die on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, i didn't know kids under 18 can go to the doctor's office without parents. I would totally teach my kid to at least make an appointment.
Some doctor's office can book appointments online and that is a very current skill/task that teens can do cause they don't have to talk on the phone like normal people.

None of our docs allow it.

Really? That seems odd. I always offer to leave the apt room and the docs are okay with it,because they know that there are some things kids may want to discuss without parents present (not our case, but what about sexual abuse? or more pedestrianly, when dad takes a 15 year old who wants to talk about her period, or doesn't want mom to see t he doc look at her breasts or public hair?)

The kid alone with the doc seems a lot worse of a risk in that case. There's the text book scenario for provider sexual assault. The doctor tells the kid that all sorts of groping and probing are standard care, and the kid doesn't know better.
With the parents in the room, even looking away, that cuts out most of the opportunity for grooming.

The doctor could have a nurse or assistant there. That is what often happens for my appointments.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, a 16 y.o. should be capable of scheduling their own appointments.

“You’re growing up, and taking care of your health is important. Did you know that anyone age 12 and older can make their own doctor appointments, including phone and video visits, and get confidential care for certain health concerns?”

https://mydoctor.kaiserpermanente.org/ncal/article/teens-guide-to-getting-care-at-kaiser-permanente-1896760

They are talking about STDs and abortions for kids with psycho parents.

Or neglectful parents.

Anonymous wrote:Its not like going away to college means you no longer communicate. "Mom, I have felt crappy for two days. I have a fever (thanks for sending me with a thermometer!)... "Mom I rolled my ankle on a run this morning and it is swelling..

I might suggest the health center or urgent care. I might suggest waiting a day. You can guide them fine from a distance as things come up. I do not think this is something that needs practice in HS given that I am likely the one transporting and paying and dealing with insurance.

"Mom I tripped over my umbilical cord and sprained my ankle. Mom the helicopter blade cut my arm and it's bleeding a lot."

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the threads about kids needing to do their own laundry for years to prepare for doing it in college. It's not really that hard!

I think the point is that they’re capable long before many parents have them do it. So why wait until college when you can turn the responsibility over to them sooner?

Seems like the opposite of helicopter parenting to me….