Anonymous wrote:If he's at your house at least you can find him if god forbid he overdoses and call an ambulance. If he's there you can show you still love him and motivate him to get treatment. Versus being off who knows where being found days later.

There's medicine (Suboxone) he can take to get off the drugs

He can get better

Horrible advice.

OP if you decide to let your son move in, make sure to pick up some doses of Narcan and teach yourself, husband and younger son how to administer it.

No no no no no no.

Why is he a drug addict? What is his trauma? Are you willing to help him? Do you give him money or otherwise enable him?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old oxycodone addicted son wants to move back in. He has dabbled in heroin (won’t admit it).
I know because he couch surfed for a while and ended up staying at a neighbor shortly.

I have a 17y/o in HS.

Should I let him stay and for how long. My 25y/o has been doing God knows what since age 19.

Drugs started at 16/17.

He tells me the last time we spoke that he considers his life to be over and no point going back to school or get a job. He’s waiting to just ”kick the bucket since he’s basically almost 30 which means his life is over”. Direct quote from him.

Should I just let him do what he wants and move in?

Please spare me the judging we’ve tried everything.

If you turn him away, be prepared to bury him.
Are you resdy to always wonder "if?".

He's high suicidal risk.

Don't be taken advantage of, but get him in rehab.
Even as an out patient and as a firm condition of his coming home.

This is too much to lay on the OP. You’re basically saying that if she can’t get him into rehab she’s contributing to his death. That’s disgusting.

She can’t make him go to rehab. She also can’t prevent his death by allowing him to move in.

People who say this sort of thing have never walked in the shoes of those of us who have lived with, raised, loved, and put our hearts and souls into getting help for our kids, only to witness failure after failure and to experience the risks and chaos they bring to everyone they touch. It doesn’t help to engage.

Have you seen the Julia Robert’s movie Ben is Back? It is a decent portrayal of the reality of drug addiction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old oxycodone addicted son wants to move back in. He has dabbled in heroin (won’t admit it).
I know because he couch surfed for a while and ended up staying at a neighbor shortly.

I have a 17y/o in HS.

Should I let him stay and for how long. My 25y/o has been doing God knows what since age 19.

Drugs started at 16/17.

He tells me the last time we spoke that he considers his life to be over and no point going back to school or get a job. He’s waiting to just ”kick the bucket since he’s basically almost 30 which means his life is over”. Direct quote from him.

Should I just let him do what he wants and move in?

Please spare me the judging we’ve tried everything.

If you turn him away, be prepared to bury him.
Are you resdy to always wonder "if?".

He's high suicidal risk.

Don't be taken advantage of, but get him in rehab.
Even as an out patient and as a firm condition of his coming home.

This is too much to lay on the OP. You’re basically saying that if she can’t get him into rehab she’s contributing to his death. That’s disgusting.

She can’t make him go to rehab. She also can’t prevent his death by allowing him to move in.

A lot of cold people on DCUM. The fact that you said 16-17 which is about when you had child 2 tells me that he has some sort of trauma that needs to be addressed. I would not allow him to move in but I would tell him you will move mountains to partner with him if he seeks recovery. I would look into rehab and also half way houses for those just getting through rehab. He may need to live in something like this for a year. I would keep telling him that you love him and gosh 25 is so young. He has his life before him. Also be careful that it comes across that he is the throw away kid and your second is your whole world. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 25 year old oxycodone addicted son wants to move back in. He has dabbled in heroin (won’t admit it).
I know because he couch surfed for a while and ended up staying at a neighbor shortly.

I have a 17y/o in HS.

Should I let him stay and for how long. My 25y/o has been doing God knows what since age 19.

Drugs started at 16/17.

He tells me the last time we spoke that he considers his life to be over and no point going back to school or get a job. He’s waiting to just ”kick the bucket since he’s basically almost 30 which means his life is over”. Direct quote from him.

Should I just let him do what he wants and move in?

Please spare me the judging we’ve tried everything.

If you turn him away, be prepared to bury him.
Are you resdy to always wonder "if?".

He's high suicidal risk.

Don't be taken advantage of, but get him in rehab.
Even as an out patient and as a firm condition of his coming home.

+1

I would not. I dated a guy like your son and feel so sorry for what you must be going through. I would instead try to arrange for rehab and then halfway house. I'd keep him far away from your daughter.

“Oxycodone addicted son … dabbled in heroin”

The best thing you can do for your kid is offer him rehab - is he covered by your health insurance? If so, do the research and find him some rehab programs. It may take awhile to find a bed, so meanwhile get him a psychiatry appointment, at least the psychiatrist can evaluate him for depression, and begin to talk about rehab options.

Medical treatment for heroin addiction with subi one is something you should be asking about.

I think you have to tell him you want him to be able to live at home again but the path to that is thru rehab and treatment.

I disagree with others who say “he has to want to get well”. That is only part of the problem. He has to both want to get well and see that there are pathways he can try to accomplish that. When someone is @ctive addiction, they often can’t figure out how to get into rehab.

You say drugs started at 16/17 - you also need to consider the underlying forces - school issues, untreated mental illness, trauma, etc.

Are you in individual and family therapy for yourself, the 17 yo and Dad? This is a lot to figure out without professional help.

No. No way. Absolutely not.

Anonymous wrote:Do not let him move in.

This.

Don’t let him move back in.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the advice.

Im wondering why he thinks his life is over? Are people not accepting of people starting over in life in our society?
Does everyone have to have the same chronological cookie cutter life? college at 18, grad at 22 etc.

I dont understand.. Oh God… or is he depressed?

Thank you

Drug and alcohol abuse that begins in adolescence will lead to a neurological rewiring of the brain. Over time, an addict will have trouble producing dopamine on their own. They need the drugs or the alcohol to feel "normal." Take it away and the brain becomes flooded with cortisol and other feel bad hormones. It's impossible to say whether a person is fundamentally depressed or mentally unwell until the drugs are out of their system and the brain has a little time to revert to its natural equilibrium. Only then can a proper diagnosis be made.

OP's son needs inpatient rehab followed by six months in a sober living facility that tests and requires residents to work. I know it's painful but this person should not be allowed back home until they're at least six months clean and working a program of recovery. There is another child to protect. Not to mention Ops sanity.

People cannot control an addict. Only the addict can take the first steps to getting better. I'm sorry. Addiction is such an awful, maddening thing for a parent.

What if the son dies due to an overdose or otherwise when he could have been at home under some supervision ?

Maybe asking to come home is this addicted person's way of taking the first step toward recovery.

It's not. Taking the first step would be acknowledging that he's in trouble and that he needs help. The circumstances mentioned here describe someone looking for an enabler. No one can control an addict unwilling to change. It's sad and it's unfortunate. Particularly these days when there's fentanyl in everything. You can't even find heroin anymore. It's all fent.

This particularly person belongs in inpatient rehab, preferably for 90 days. It is remarkable how much people change once they're three months clean. So much of the depression and the anxiety lifts once the brain has had a chance to heal itself. Then the reintroduction to real life needs to happen in a controlled manner, ideally in a sober house.

It's not hopeless. There are millions of people that have recovered from addiction. But it has to begin with the addict and a willingness to change. Really, really recommend inpatient rehab here. He'll know he's not alone in this.

Anonymous wrote:An active addict cannot safely live with other people. The addiction comes first. Before relationships, duty, honesty or anything else.

If your son gets into recovery you might eventually be able to let him live with you subject to verifiable freedom from drugs and maintaining his recovery program. Even then, people do better in graduated programs like halfway houses, sober houses, etc.

Yup. Letting him live home will bring a storm of drama, fighting, violence, theft, and drugs. Agree about halfway houses.

OP here, thank you again.

At 25 he has 60 more years hopefully.

But he feels its too late to have a normal life. Once he gets better he feels like even if it gets better he will be ashamed forever.

Yes he’s my son , shouldnt have killed him drug addict son.
Thank you

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all the advice.

Im wondering why he thinks his life is over? Are people not accepting of people starting over in life in our society?
Does everyone have to have the same chronological cookie cutter life? college at 18, grad at 22 etc.

I dont understand.. Oh God… or is he depressed?

Thank you

Drug and alcohol abuse that begins in adolescence will lead to a neurological rewiring of the brain. Over time, an addict will have trouble producing dopamine on their own. They need the drugs or the alcohol to feel "normal." Take it away and the brain becomes flooded with cortisol and other feel bad hormones. It's impossible to say whether a person is fundamentally depressed or mentally unwell until the drugs are out of their system and the brain has a little time to revert to its natural equilibrium. Only then can a proper diagnosis be made.

OP's son needs inpatient rehab followed by six months in a sober living facility that tests and requires residents to work. I know it's painful but this person should not be allowed back home until they're at least six months clean and working a program of recovery. There is another child to protect. Not to mention Ops sanity.

People cannot control an addict. Only the addict can take the first steps to getting better. I'm sorry. Addiction is such an awful, maddening thing for a parent.

What if the son dies due to an overdose or otherwise when he could have been at home under some supervision ?

Maybe asking to come home is this addicted person's way of taking the first step toward recovery.

Unless they have some sobriety under their belt, it's not. If you are OP or have an addict in your life, please attend a NA meeting.