Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:41
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Since you said you easily qualified to be the only one on the mortgage I assume that means you can easily afford the house by yourself. Buy him out as a way to keep your kid's lives as stable as possible. Do not let him call the shots on this one. Get a lawyer if he fights you.
I suggest you stop trying to psychoanalyze him and identify his personality type, it's pointless at this time since he has made it obvious that he's ready to dump you. He's probably got another woman but that doesn't even matter at this point. It's a waste of time trying to figure him out when your kids need you to focus entirely on what will be best for them and your family's future. Lean on whatever support people you have, family, close friends, whoever.
That was over a year ago back in March/April 2023 when we first started looking for home. The interest rates were around 4% when we first started looked but by the time we were ready to close they were already at 5% and rising. Ultimately closed on the home a 5.25% interest rate and the mortgage lenders were saying that I was getting very close to the cutoff of being able to take out the loan only in my name. I forget what they called it a year ago I think debt to income ratio or something like that. The problem is that now a year later interest rates are even higher I think (7.8% - 8.1%?) which means it would cost more to finance this same or a similar priced home and I would be over the threshold. I haven't checked yet how much home I qualify on my current income/debts etc but that is on my list of things to do.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:37
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Send an email documenting the utility situation for this month:
Dear John,
Per our conversation this morning, I will pay the utility bills this month, and you will reimburse me for your half by August 31.
The utility bills are as follows:
Electricity (paid [date])
Gas (paid [date])
Etc…
Your half is $XX.
Thanks,
Taylor
Dear John,
Per our conversation this morning, I will pay the utility bills this month, and you will reimburse me for your half by August 31.
The utility bills are as follows:
Electricity (paid [date])
Gas (paid [date])
Etc…
Your half is $XX.
Thanks,
Taylor
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:28
Subject: Re:My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:OP: I would recommend that you hold the ground. Be an as..ole with him, just like he's being an ass with you:
1. Tell him you are not moving out. Your kids are starting school in a new school district
2. You won't agree to sell but only to buy him out at a VERY discounted price (discounted by the legal fees to him, if he takes you to court to seek force sale of the property).
3. Tell him it's NOT your fault that he wants to end it right after buying a house thus you should not bear the financial costs of his decision at all. E.g. no sale, no loosing your equity on transactional costs etc.
I did it on my cheater exH - he didn't want to waste time and money on lawyers and just signed off 60% of everything in the end
I would do this too. I would make his life hell, frankly. Don't forget: the one with the most willpower wins. Just get the most out of this nasty person who used your good credit to buy a house then wants to push you out of it. Be VERY wary of any financial shenanigans he might pull - like getting you to pay utilities on your own.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:25
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you have any kind of written co-ownership agreement?
There is no written co- ownership agreement in place.
I haven’t seen if this was posted. Whose name(s) is on the deed (and mortgage).
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:23
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Do you have any kind of written co-ownership agreement?
There is no written co- ownership agreement in place.
Call a lawyer today. What area are you in?
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:22
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Since you said you easily qualified to be the only one on the mortgage I assume that means you can easily afford the house by yourself. Buy him out as a way to keep your kid's lives as stable as possible. Do not let him call the shots on this one. Get a lawyer if he fights you.
I suggest you stop trying to psychoanalyze him and identify his personality type, it's pointless at this time since he has made it obvious that he's ready to dump you. He's probably got another woman but that doesn't even matter at this point. It's a waste of time trying to figure him out when your kids need you to focus entirely on what will be best for them and your family's future. Lean on whatever support people you have, family, close friends, whoever.
I suggest you stop trying to psychoanalyze him and identify his personality type, it's pointless at this time since he has made it obvious that he's ready to dump you. He's probably got another woman but that doesn't even matter at this point. It's a waste of time trying to figure him out when your kids need you to focus entirely on what will be best for them and your family's future. Lean on whatever support people you have, family, close friends, whoever.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:19
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Do you have any kind of written co-ownership agreement?
There is no written co- ownership agreement in place.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:19
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Car and health first.
No one kicks out of your own house. He can move out if he wants, and you can pay half his rent and he pays half the mortgage. Or you can change the rooming at home -- he moves to a different room, or he gets a kid room and a kid sleeps in your room, or vice versa.
Sell the house and move. Or one of you buys the other out.
No one kicks out of your own house. He can move out if he wants, and you can pay half his rent and he pays half the mortgage. Or you can change the rooming at home -- he moves to a different room, or he gets a kid room and a kid sleeps in your room, or vice versa.
Sell the house and move. Or one of you buys the other out.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:18
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
This is Op. I just wanted to clarify the timeline. We have been together for a total of 7 years (and engaged for the past 9 months of those 7 years until yesterday).
Also I went to autozone a few mins ago and their code reader wasn't working so the folks at autozone told me to drive up the street to oreillys to get the check engine light read. Went to Oreillys and they told me that the code is indicating that I have a down stream oxygen sensor issue which should cost about a few hundred to fix. I've researched a list of mechanics and going to try to take my car in to get the oxygen sensor fixed asap since the last thing I need right now is a non working vehicle.
Also I went to autozone a few mins ago and their code reader wasn't working so the folks at autozone told me to drive up the street to oreillys to get the check engine light read. Went to Oreillys and they told me that the code is indicating that I have a down stream oxygen sensor issue which should cost about a few hundred to fix. I've researched a list of mechanics and going to try to take my car in to get the oxygen sensor fixed asap since the last thing I need right now is a non working vehicle.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:14
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Wow! My heart goes out to you OP. I agree with others in that don’t move not one iota. He is making an emotional decision on something that is contractual and in the eyes of the court - emotions won’t be considered. They will look at the terms of the agreement only. For the time being, document and collect every bill you have paid half on and proof of payment towards mortgage. Next step- shut down communication. Don’t get into why he wants to break up or any of it. Just shut down your emotions. Feed your children, get on the phone with an attorney, sleep in the bedroom with them and get on a schedule so you can avoid this jackass. For your own mental sake start looking for an apartment or an Airbnb and just line up a place to land. If I knew you in real life I would open my home. You can’t change the past and no shame in your reason for moving in before a ring or any of that. People do switcharoos all the time. Have a good cry in private spaces and then screw your head on to keep moving. And when/if he comes to his senses - you need to be so far gone from his life that he has to use a shovel to dig you up from his memory. My heart goes out to you! Sending a special prayer for you on this day.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:14
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Whose name(s) are on the mortgage? Whose names are on the deed with the county?
Both of our names are on the mortgage. Both of our names are on the deed with the county.
Prior to buying this home in May 2023 we lived together in a rented home for 3 years.
Our lease was just about to end and we decided that we wanted to buy but we had some trouble due to his low credit score and negative credit marks. He had a high income and low credit score and I had a reasonable income and a strong (800) credit score.
At first were were going to just put my name only on the mortgage, since I was able to easily qualify for a mortgage with good rates. Looking back, so glad we didn't do that. But then at the last minute we were presented with the option to buy using an FHA loan due to his lower credit score and we were able to close on this house.
Still, you screwed yourself. Creditors don't care because both of you are 100% liable "joint and severally" . But you are the one stuck negotiating a fair share of the expenses and proceeds from selling, or being stuck not selling.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:11
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Do you have any kind of written co-ownership agreement?
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:10
Subject: Re:My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Get a lawyer stat. And don’t move out until you first consult with a lawyer. Best of luck to you OP.
+1 - stand firm OP!!!
And don’t delay on taking the car in for service. The last thing you need is a non working vehicle, so get it repaired promptly.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:09
Subject: My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:After you and the children are settled (and you do need a lawyer to resolve this equitably), start therapy.
You have been in a relationship for 9 years with someone you describe as emotionally abusive. Now your kids’ world will be rocked.
I am sorry that so much is being heaped on you right now, but you dodged a bullet in not marrying this guy.
This. Based on your timeline, this person has been on your ES child’s life for as long as he/she can remember. And because this person is NOT their parent, odds are your kids will never see him again. Therapy can help everyone.
Anonymous
08/14/2023 12:04
Subject: Re:My Fiance told me yesterday that he wants me to move out
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
You own the house together. He has no more right to tell YOU to be the one to move than you do to tell HIM to be the one to move.
So make it about the kids, becuase it IS about the kids.
You are the one who has the younger children at ages where changing schools is more of an issue (academically and socially). Not that a move wouldn't mess with his high schooler; it would; but frankly it's going to be easier for one parent plus one HS age kid to find a place quickly than it is for one parent plus two kids at two different schools. Easlier for him and his HS kid to work out getting the kid to school than for you to work out getting two kids to two different schools. And all that is IF you were able to stay in the same school system catchment area. Changing schools should be an absolute no-go for all three kids, yours AND his, frankly, but the logistics will be simpler for one HS student (who maybe is driving and could drive him/herself to school, if outside the bus zone?) than for two elementary/middle students. And many school systems will make exceptions and keep a HS student at his or her current school if there is a family issue forcing a move out of the school boundary - your fiance needs to work NOW to inquire about that. High schools don't like to mess with students' last few years and he can make a case that his kid should stay at the current school.
Do not move, OP. If you leave the house with the kids, he could change all the locks, put your stuff on the street, anything. Don't budge. He likely will try to make life hell until you leave, but I hope not. I would gather all the pertinent information about schools, look up some potential places where HE could move and keep his kid in that kid's same HS, and would find out very fast if you can start buying him out of the house. It's ridiculous for him to tell you to move out.
And get a lawyer immediately. Try to find one with experience in property disputes between couples (unmarried) who co-own homes, because your fiance might decide to make the house a huge issue in any split. You don't need a divorce lawyer as much as you need a lawyer with experience in property disputes where both people are still living in the disputed property.
So I agree with a lot of this, but moving a kid in high school is devastating. Moving kids in elementary school is fine.
Honestly, school hasn't started. I'd find a place I could afford to rent in a neighborhood I'd eventually be able to buy in, and move so they start the year in the new house. I wouldn't put my kids through living in this kind of contentious situation, or through a midyear school change. It doesn't sound realistic for OP to keep the house financially, so I wouldn't fight for it. I'd fight for my share of the equity of course.
Op here. Just wanted to say that school has already started here in our county.