Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 14:35     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Uhhhh…damn. So sorry op.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 13:21     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
I know the initial knee-jerk reaction is to be offended, but if you assume good intentions from people you consider friends, could there be a logical explanation?

Like is one of them less close to you and she invited a few people she is closer to join her for something? Could they have already been somewhere near each other for another event (like a wedding or birthday party of someone you don’t know) and they decided to extend it?

I’m a big fan of going through life assuming no ill intention until it’s irrefutable that there was.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 12:00     Subject: Re:Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Mean girls in my neighborhood did this. The Queen Bee kicked me out and I later saw social media posts and tagging for weekend parties to which I was no longer invited.

I unfollowed them all to avoid seeing the posts and set about nurturing friendships with non-aholes.

Queen Bee kicked out a few other people after me and even shut off access to her children to those people’s kids! Their kids had been friends and now the left out kids wondered why they could not see their friends at these gatherings.

I felt miserable yet did feel a bit better when I learned I was not the only one kicked out.

I basically cut out every woman “close” to her to save myself the mental anguish.

Queen Bee moved away. Another woman moved away.

The problem took care of itself.

Play the long game. You will win.


Glad you got out but WTF with the middle school level drama? How does any set of adult friends even have a "queen bee" who has the magical authority to "kick out" anyone from anything worthwhile? Why do the children have to be friends with the children of the queen and the others in the Very Special In-Group? Don't women and their kids have more than one source of friendships? It's all such immature bulls**t. I'm in the DC suburbs and we never had these social cliques, queen bees, kids used as little pawns, etc. that I read about in this post and in others on DCUM.

OP, if your so-called friends don't invite you to something, either use your words like an adult and say, "I saw you on social media and am frankly disappointed I wasn't invited," get new friends, or get off social media.


I’m in agreement with this, and I’ve posted my experience here tonight. So I’m on the same page as you.

When you write about “I saw you.. and frankly disappointed.”

That’s where it gets tricky.

Everyone can hang out with whoever they want. So I’d be left out, and sitting there like, well, we’re all free to choose our invites. I surely wouldn’t want someone mad at me for limiting my dinner party to 5. Sorry, gotta choose somewhere.

But, there’s more behavior that makes it questionable, and you can’t call them out directly.
-such as the lady above who said they called her husband
-never trying out a new friendship with a newbie
-seeing another newbie and inviting them right in as though they’re sisters—and still--never inviting another new person
-tagging private parties on social media (JUST TEXT each other your pictures. Which was the method you used to privately invite each other)
-playing other crazy games


You focused hard here on just one of three things I said. You focused just on calling them out, in your list above, and situations where you can't do that.

If you can't call them out, then do the other two things I said: Get new friends, or get off social media. Really, do both.

Stop giving a damn about them. Real friends do not act like middle schoolers and "play crazy games." Don't expend the energy wishing you could call them out. Be too busy to accept invitations and too busy with other friends, or your family, to issue invitations to them. I truly do not understand CARING about the actions of women who do the things you listed.

They are taking up precious mental real estate in your head, yet they are not giving you a thought. Ponder that for a moment.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 09:21     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Most girls super suck.

^^^
Say that out loud.

Women who gossip should be avoided along with women who:

Crave attention

Fuel drama

Travel in packs

Seek to exclude

Post pics of girls nights, girls trips, etc.

We aren’t in middle school anymore. We are moms. Grow up.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 09:11     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:Yep.
My friends were in their girls trip and wondering what constellation they were looking at. So they called my husband for his expertise. I was sitting next to him.


Wow. That is either extremely insensitive and clueless, extremely rude and unkind, or both. I’m sorry.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 09:06     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Do you know, why, OP? Geographic distance, are some subgroups closer than others, etc? If you know why, then figure out how you feel about it. If you are completely gobsmacked or you don’t think their reasons fit with your friendship values, accept the sadness but also realize this is your cue to find other friends; think of it as something that sucks but also gives you valuable information.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 08:12     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:Have you said anything? I would comment on the pictures about how you can’t believe you weren’t invited and say you don’t appreciate being excluded. Find out who was the one responsible for keeping you out and confront them.


This just makes you look pathetic and needy. You know why you didn’t get invited? Because they didn’t want you there. It sucks (I’ve been there before), but it is what it is.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 07:54     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:That sucks. Are they very close friends? Child free? I get excluded a lot because I have a kid and they don’t. Plus, I don’t get wild and crazy anymore so not as much fun.


I agree. Same with spin off group texts. People can’t take it personally. It happens because a subgroup in the friendship circle has a common interest or situation in life.

A group of women I’m friends with have a whole born-again Christian and MLM thing going on separately. No FOMO there despite their constant posting on Instagram.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 07:54     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I hate social media. Had social media been around when I was in high school, I don't know if I would have made it. Who really feels good from it? Serious question.


Have you guys seriously never seen a movie like “Romy and Michelle” or “Heathers” or basically any John Hughes movie ever? Do you not get the message that you do your own thing, and it all works out in the end? Give yourself the same advice you would give your kids: not everybody has to be friends, and not everybody’s definition of friendship is the same as yours.

Harry Potter wasn’t friends with the whole damn school. He had Ron and Hermione, and he also had (but didn’t always appreciate) Neville, Luna, etc. Just focus on what you’re doing and do pay attention to what other people are doing.

It also helps not to constantly crave attention. Work on it.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 07:49     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
I wouldn’t know, because I’m not on social media that much, and I also don’t have a crazy expectation that my friends are required to do things in groups that always include me, or which I deem acceptable.

Get a life. You’ll be happier if you do.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 07:40     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry. I hate social media. Had social media been around when I was in high school, I don't know if I would have made it. Who really feels good from it? Serious question.


My password to Facebook is Ihatefacebook
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 02:56     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:
If this was "a" group of your friends, well, don't you have other friends? Do things with other friends. This nonsense about groups of women feeling they should be doing everything with a certain social group and feeling wounded if not invited every time, is just that -- nonsense. Hurts, sure, but now you know you're not as inside this group as you thought you were. So what, if you have other friends?


This. Not everyone can be invited to everything. I happen to reach out to friends to do X, Y or Z often, but when I see friends getting together with other friends I don’t get mad or have any thoughts about it really.

You don’t know who planned what and how the outing came about. Again, not everyone can be invited to everything. Want to be included? Be the inviter!
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 00:28     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Have you said anything? I would comment on the pictures about how you can’t believe you weren’t invited and say you don’t appreciate being excluded. Find out who was the one responsible for keeping you out and confront them.
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 00:26     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yep.
My friends were in their girls trip and wondering what constellation they were looking at. So they called my husband for his expertise. I was sitting next to him.


I’m so sorry. They are next-level jerks.



So what did you do? What did your DH do? How did they have his number?
Anonymous
Post 08/13/2023 00:21     Subject: Always fun to see a group of your friends
I'm so sorry. I hate social media. Had social media been around when I was in high school, I don't know if I would have made it. Who really feels good from it? Serious question.