Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with Mrs? If a woman is married and took her husband’s surname, and it’s what she prefers to be called, isn’t that pretty standard?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Your mom’s maiden name would work, no?

No, that name belongs to the man who abused my grandmother into fleeing her home and family and laid the ground work for my mother’s acceptance of my father’s abuse.

I briefly considered my grandmother’s maiden name, but while I never knew my great grandfather I can assume that he was quite possibly also a misogynist whose treatment of my great grandmother and grandmother led to my grandmother’s acceptant of her husband’s abuse for two decades. See it’s an endless cycle.

I appreciate the idea of honoring someone I’ve admired by choosing her name. But going that route could end me up with the name of another abuser - many of the women I’ve admired in my life were driven to their accomplishments as a reaction to toxic patriarchy at the micro or macro level.

It’s a conundrum for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Last name elizabeth after Elizabeth 1 the Virgin Queen.
Your mom’s maiden name would work, no?

No, that name belongs to the man who abused my grandmother into fleeing her home and family and laid the ground work for my mother’s acceptance of my father’s abuse.

I briefly considered my grandmother’s maiden name, but while I never knew my great grandfather I can assume that he was quite possibly also a misogynist whose treatment of my great grandmother and grandmother led to my grandmother’s acceptant of her husband’s abuse for two decades. See it’s an endless cycle.

I appreciate the idea of honoring someone I’ve admired by choosing her name. But going that route could end me up with the name of another abuser - many of the women I’ve admired in my life were driven to their accomplishments as a reaction to toxic patriarchy at the micro or macro level.

It’s a conundrum for sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Your mom’s maiden name would work, no?

No, that name belongs to the man who abused my grandmother into fleeing her home and family and laid the ground work for my mother’s acceptance of my father’s abuse.

I briefly considered my grandmother’s maiden name, but while I never knew my great grandfather I can assume that he was quite possibly also a misogynist whose treatment of my great grandmother and grandmother led to my grandmother’s acceptant of her husband’s abuse for two decades. See it’s an endless cycle.

I appreciate the idea of honoring someone I’ve admired by choosing her name. But going that route could end me up with the name of another abuser - many of the women I’ve admired in my life were driven to their accomplishments as a reaction to toxic patriarchy at the micro or macro level.

It’s a conundrum for sure.

Anonymous wrote:Ms is bad because its pronunciation is bad.

"Missus" is a good pronunciation but "Mrs." already has that for spelling, as stupid that is. So, we are stuck.

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing at both my kids schools several teachers (including ones in their 30s and 40s) go by mrs. x. I personally can't fathom why someone would pick that over Ms. Is it some pride in communicating you're married? Just a preference for tradition? It's just so strange to me when we have Ms. to cover all women like we have Mr. to cover all men.

So if YOU prefer to be called mrs x.....why?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t get it, but then I’m an ardent feminist whose entire life has been focused around the consequences of male violence - first in a family of origin ‘led’ by a raging violent alcoholic bully and later in various adult roles as DV advocate, legal aid attorney , public defender and prosecutor working in the trenches with lives mired in the consequences of male violence.

I’ve been wanting to change my surname for many years now. I haven’t and won’t get married, and I don’t want to die with the name of the man who first abused me and my mother and siblings.

Any ideas for how an adult woman should choose a new surname? I’ve considered choosing a surname from family history, but I recognize that there is a high probability by that method I will choose the name of somebody’s else’s abuser.

Any ideas, let me know!

Your mom’s maiden name would work, no?

Anonymous wrote:I have insisted on Ms. since I was 18. No one's business if I am married! I cannot stand Mrs.

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. I really only see it at schools. Its fine if that's what people like to be called, but I consider it antiquated language.

I'd be ok with Mx. for all as well but we aren't there yet. I don't care about people knowing my gender in a business setting. I correct people to call me Ms. from Mrs. and never really liked Mrs. in social settings either.