Anonymous
Post 08/09/2023 09:22     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's hard to believe that other people aren't onto him. This is such, petty, unmasculine, bullying behavior. The people he's gossiping to have to think he's a twat.

OP, just find other friends. There have to be other people in your neighborhood who aren't into this. And don't base your actions on fear of retaliation from him. He's already out to get you. Just take care of yourself and your family and don't cover for him.


OP here. Thanks, I do have other friends in the neighborhood, and I’ve made a more focused effort to hang out with those who have been excluded in the past by this same family. I think I have to not keep quiet, if someone asks me about a rumor - I will make sure it is clear that it’s completely false. I realize that many people in the neighborhood do believe he’s a twat, but there is a group who seems to idolize what this bully says and does.

To those wondering about the neighborhood, I was intentionally vague. But if you meet a fast talker who BSes about random topics, brags and one-ups everyone, tells stories that seem a little ‘too’ unbelievable, and has nasty things to say about multiple men in the neighborhood - you’ve found your guy.


Odd question- just trying to figure out if it’s someone I know. If you google this persons name, do you get articles on them?
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2023 05:29     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:I have never lived in a neighborhood like this. I've never really known my neighbors much beyond a nod hello on the sidewalk or a short convo in an elevator.

Maybe because i don't have kids? Is this an area where most people send their kids to the same public school and there is a pool with a swim team?

I have always felt one of the downsides of not being a mom is that I miss out on these community interactions but perhaps I am better off...


You are better off. Many of the people are assssholes.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2023 00:48     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Sorry but I cannot relate - at all.

Because if potential neighborhood drama I made a conscious decision to not get too friendly with anyone here. I just say hello/good morning and wave… sometimes I make small talk about the weather or pets. That is it.


Cookouts and block parties - I pay my share, bring my food contribution and stay around mu kids. It is for their sake… I do NOT engage with the parents beyond small talk. They are mu neighbors and if something goes wrong I am bound to see/deal with them in a constant basis. I can not just up and move like some renter…

I don’t dip my pen into the neighborhood’s ink, so to speak.
Anonymous
Post 08/09/2023 00:30     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Def spread a rumor about him.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 22:52     Subject: Mean girl husbands
I have never lived in a neighborhood like this. I've never really known my neighbors much beyond a nod hello on the sidewalk or a short convo in an elevator.

Maybe because i don't have kids? Is this an area where most people send their kids to the same public school and there is a pool with a swim team?

I have always felt one of the downsides of not being a mom is that I miss out on these community interactions but perhaps I am better off...
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 22:48     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would start rumors about him.

I would do this too.

Absolutely.


Don’t do this because if he finds out you did it, he will come back harder because he has a serious personality disorder.
Avoid him and ignore him.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 22:44     Subject: Re:Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Normal men don't behave this way so if you start a rumor or two of your own you should be able to take him down in no time.


Yes, what a pansy-man.


+1

My original thought is that he is a beard.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 22:43     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:My neighborhood is cliquish. It's also in an area for Fairfax County that many posters claim to be laid back, friendly and super social. I won't get specific, but it's the Mt. Vernon/Ft. Hunt general area. What I've found to be the worst is a particular group of husbands, led by one husband in particular who is just a bully. In addition, him and his wife are extremely jealous and conniving. When they decide they don't like a family, he usually sets out to exclude them from as much of the neighborhood social scene as he can, by spreading rumors about the husband. The rumors are typically along the lines of alcohol issues, domestic abuse, and neglective parenting. I've seen it happen to several families in the neighborhood and it took several years for many to realize that rumors being spread are not the truth. There has even been a family that has moved because of it. We've done our best to distance ourselves from this family without upsetting them over the past year because of this, but I have reason to believe that the husband is starting to spread rumors about my family, specifically my husband because they've gotten back to me. They're pretty awful rumors and completely false.

I've dealt with mean girls in the past, but I've truly never dealt with a male who acted this way. He's not someone that can be confronted either because he'll double down on his lies, and it'll just make things even worse. My husband confronting him is not an option because of this. Additionally, he has a small circle of followers who tend to blindly believe whatever this family says, so a confrontation will only make the situation much worse. My kids are older elementary aged, and we're coming out of the years where life revolves around the neighborhood social scene because your kids are young and that's where life is centered. We're busy with activities outside of the neighborhood and full-time jobs, but I want my family to be respected in our neighborhood and able to host and attend social events without drama as we have for years. I also don't have time to deal with this sort of targeted social engineering by someone with way too much time on their hands. So how would DCUM suggest I handle this?


OP, they already know.

That is, the majority of the residents of that particular neighborhood already know what a wuss that guy is - there is one in each and every striver neighborhood. There are "tells" that they are proud of - who built their house/did their addition, their annual party (usually Mardi Gras or Christmas or the like). There are the "leaders" and the "followers". But, what they don't know, in reality, is that no one respects them. They only stay out of their way - that is different than actual respect. The "followers" are actually the majority, and by default the "leaders". By definition, the majority makes the wuss think they are in charge, by fake worshipping to their face. Behind their backs, the wuss is a side eye, smile and nod, neighborhood joke. You don't have to worry about him, because everyone is in on the joke, except for him (and the wife, and a few hangers on). Ultimately, they do not matter - which they must know, to try to hold on for so long.

Are they locals, OP? They seem stunted, and stuck in high school. That often happens with limited experiences, and limited exposure to real life events and (substantial, not just bucket list) travel.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 22:33     Subject: Re:Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:Normal men don't behave this way so if you start a rumor or two of your own you should be able to take him down in no time.


Yes, what a pansy-man.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 21:12     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's hard to believe that other people aren't onto him. This is such, petty, unmasculine, bullying behavior. The people he's gossiping to have to think he's a twat.

OP, just find other friends. There have to be other people in your neighborhood who aren't into this. And don't base your actions on fear of retaliation from him. He's already out to get you. Just take care of yourself and your family and don't cover for him.


OP here. Thanks, I do have other friends in the neighborhood, and I’ve made a more focused effort to hang out with those who have been excluded in the past by this same family. I think I have to not keep quiet, if someone asks me about a rumor - I will make sure it is clear that it’s completely false. I realize that many people in the neighborhood do believe he’s a twat, but there is a group who seems to idolize what this bully says and does.

To those wondering about the neighborhood, I was intentionally vague. But if you meet a fast talker who BSes about random topics, brags and one-ups everyone, tells stories that seem a little ‘too’ unbelievable, and has nasty things to say about multiple men in the neighborhood - you’ve found your guy.


Yes, definitely let people know the truth. Be clear about what's happening too "Oh Bob is on a vengeful gossip streak again."

I mean this gently, but examine why you chose to hang out with this group of people comprised of a lying, vengeful twat and his pathetic acolytes who choose to hang out with and kowtow to this type of person. You chose to hang out with them too until it was no longer an option for you. You knew he was a crappy person before this happened to you. Be confident in yourself and pick better friends. You're truly better off without them.

Now go do something nice for yourself, like paint your nails or have some tea with a treat. Celebrate your freedom from these jerks.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 18:05     Subject: Re:Mean girl husbands
The rumors are typically along the lines of alcohol issues, domestic abuse, and neglective parenting.


Just want to pull this out because while I don't live in Fairfax County, this is 100% the stuff people will say about couples/families they don't like, regardless of whether it is based on anything resembling fact. I've definitely heard this kind of innuendo about people in my community in a way that made me think "wait, how would you even know that?" or "whoa, that's serious, what's it based on?" People will instantly backtrack. It's gross.

Point is, I think these topics are chosen purposefully because it's easy to sort of imply them without actually saying "Tom has a drinking problem" or "Joe hits his wife" or "Peter is a bad parent." Instead it will be like "Oh did Tom and Lily leave already? I guess Tom really tied one on again, huh?" or "I just don't like how Rachel talks about Joe - it's like she's afraid of making him mad," or "I mean, everyone parents in their own way but I saw Peter out with the kids and I'm surprised one of them hasn't been run over with him on his phone all the time." Like there's just enough plausible deniability to be like "oh, I guess I just misunderstood!" but also enough criticism to make the other person look bad and make people listening want to tut-tut along with you to prove that they don't condone drinking too much or hitting your wife or neglecting your kids (even if none of that has ever occurred).

People are awful, is what I'm saying. Just awful. Stay away from people like this -- even if they initially like you, they could turn on you at any minute and you know what they'll stoop to.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 17:55     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It's hard to believe that other people aren't onto him. This is such, petty, unmasculine, bullying behavior. The people he's gossiping to have to think he's a twat.

OP, just find other friends. There have to be other people in your neighborhood who aren't into this. And don't base your actions on fear of retaliation from him. He's already out to get you. Just take care of yourself and your family and don't cover for him.


OP here. Thanks, I do have other friends in the neighborhood, and I’ve made a more focused effort to hang out with those who have been excluded in the past by this same family. I think I have to not keep quiet, if someone asks me about a rumor - I will make sure it is clear that it’s completely false. I realize that many people in the neighborhood do believe he’s a twat, but there is a group who seems to idolize what this bully says and does.

To those wondering about the neighborhood, I was intentionally vague. But if you meet a fast talker who BSes about random topics, brags and one-ups everyone, tells stories that seem a little ‘too’ unbelievable, and has nasty things to say about multiple men in the neighborhood - you’ve found your guy.


Ugh I need to know who this is! In the fort hunt area it seems to be more dominated by strong minded moms than dads so now I am beyond curious!
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 17:40     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:It's hard to believe that other people aren't onto him. This is such, petty, unmasculine, bullying behavior. The people he's gossiping to have to think he's a twat.

OP, just find other friends. There have to be other people in your neighborhood who aren't into this. And don't base your actions on fear of retaliation from him. He's already out to get you. Just take care of yourself and your family and don't cover for him.


OP here. Thanks, I do have other friends in the neighborhood, and I’ve made a more focused effort to hang out with those who have been excluded in the past by this same family. I think I have to not keep quiet, if someone asks me about a rumor - I will make sure it is clear that it’s completely false. I realize that many people in the neighborhood do believe he’s a twat, but there is a group who seems to idolize what this bully says and does.

To those wondering about the neighborhood, I was intentionally vague. But if you meet a fast talker who BSes about random topics, brags and one-ups everyone, tells stories that seem a little ‘too’ unbelievable, and has nasty things to say about multiple men in the neighborhood - you’ve found your guy.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 16:33     Subject: Mean girl husbands
It's hard to believe that other people aren't onto him. This is such, petty, unmasculine, bullying behavior. The people he's gossiping to have to think he's a twat.

OP, just find other friends. There have to be other people in your neighborhood who aren't into this. And don't base your actions on fear of retaliation from him. He's already out to get you. Just take care of yourself and your family and don't cover for him.
Anonymous
Post 08/08/2023 16:21     Subject: Mean girl husbands
Anonymous wrote:Whoa I live in this neighborhood and really want to know who this is!


I live here too and now I am strangely invested in knowing who this is. Given the area I would guess this is happening in Waynewood but who knows. I live in Stratford landing and it’s super laid back and I haven’t heard of any problems here! But maybe I am naive!