My DD's bf is about ready to propose. The planning and cost of a wedding is overwhelming her. I told her that we will pay for the wedding and if she does not have too many asks, I can put together a wedding that is pretty elegant and fun for all.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s odd if you have happy family and friend relationships, it’s your first marriage, and your early 30s or younger.

If some aspect of that doesn’t apply to you, I get it.

You must not be an introvert who doesn't like attention. OP, it's not odd. I had a wedding because my mom wanted it, and I don't regret it. But I would have been perfectly happy without it. Oh, and she paid for it because she wanted it. I absolutely would not have spent my own money on a wedding.

Anonymous wrote:As mentioned in the title, is it odd that I don't want a wedding? The idea of even a small wedding with just family isn't appealing with the planning and booking involved in picking a city, venue, food, accommodations, dress, hair, make-up, photographer, etc. I think I would rather elope.

Not odd at all. Save yourself aggravation and money. Go to the courthouse and be done with it.

Plenty of people don't even get married, but live together with kids.

I wanted a traditional wedding when I got married at 23, because I was young and romantic. But unless people get remarried to someone who has never been married, I don't quite understand people wanting second marriages or even worse, vow renewals. Seems like such a hassle.

But to each his own.

I think you’re the smart one here! Wish I saved all the $ we spent on a wedding on a down payment for a house. Much better investment!

I’ve never imagined a wedding. I’ve never been a woman who wants one. I enjoy going to others and find them moving but it’s not for me. We’ll either have an ordained friend marry us or go to the courthouse. I do a backyard version but don’t have access to one.

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s odd if you have happy family and friend relationships, it’s your first marriage, and your early 30s or younger.

If some aspect of that doesn’t apply to you, I get it.

I had all of those things, AND a family who wanted to spend a hundred grand on a wedding. I didn't want one.
I fantasized about a wedding when I was a teen but by the time I actually started dating I wanted something small and low key.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like a very small wedding and a larger party later. Not quite a reception. More a big get together but you do need to tell folks it’s post wedding somehow so they come..right? We just want to see friends and have a good time that’s less formal.





My mother in law is elderly and a source of great stress to my partner (she’s mentally unwell and abusive to home). If I could find someone to be her chaperone and take her home post ceremony that would be ideal.

I don’t get it. Your wedding can be however informal you want. We had a full fledged wedding (married by judge then reception all in the same room) serving brunch and mimosas. There’s nothing stopping you from having the exact level of formality you want.

I don’t want a public ceremony.

My in laws are unstable. My partner would invite them out of responsibility but we can caretaker them on a large group of people.

I respect he wants them there (or really he wants his mother there and she won’t come with the crew). They can come to courthouse but would be a lot of extra stress to any reception. They aren’t good with multiple people. The dynamic is very sad.

We deserve a break, we do a lot of caretaking.

Plus we’re not young, a big wedding and reception would be odd. We don’t need a registry or gifts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would like a very small wedding and a larger party later. Not quite a reception. More a big get together but you do need to tell folks it’s post wedding somehow so they come..right? We just want to see friends and have a good time that’s less formal.





My mother in law is elderly and a source of great stress to my partner (she’s mentally unwell and abusive to home). If I could find someone to be her chaperone and take her home post ceremony that would be ideal.

I don’t get it. Your wedding can be however informal you want. We had a full fledged wedding (married by judge then reception all in the same room) serving brunch and mimosas. There’s nothing stopping you from having the exact level of formality you want.

I don’t want a public ceremony.

My husband and I did not want a wedding but we had one anyway because my mother wanted one. She organized the whole thing, she said "Just give me two weeks." It was very low key and inexpensive but was in a church, my father (who was not well and died a few years later) gave me away, my brother was the organist and played music I chose none of which was traditional, my best friend and sister were bridesmaids, both a Catholic priest and an Episcopal minister presided because we wanted it that way, it only cost a total of a few hundred dollars including the reception which was in the church basement and put on by the church ladies. Not a bunch of great presents but we didn't care about that. The marriage lasted 25 years.

I don't like weddings, most are very annoying, but mine was okay. Thanks mom.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s odd - they’re expensive and a lot of hassle to put together. I remember wishing we’d just eloped when I was in the planning stages but then ended up totally loving the wedding.

+1

Same. OP, what is your reason? Are some people not cooperative or difficult or drama prone or troublesome (usually, they are single; have no prospects; or had drama at their own wedding)? If that is the case, can you not invite them? There were a couple people we could have told to stay home, but it would have caused drama, so we chose to ignore the petty byotches (one male and two female) and enjoy our day. Glad we did.

Do what fits your personality and budget. This is YOUR day, not anyone else's! Guests who hate weddings - stay home and spare us your drama!

Anonymous wrote:I would like a very small wedding and a larger party later. Not quite a reception. More a big get together but you do need to tell folks it’s post wedding somehow so they come..right? We just want to see friends and have a good time that’s less formal.





My mother in law is elderly and a source of great stress to my partner (she’s mentally unwell and abusive to home). If I could find someone to be her chaperone and take her home post ceremony that would be ideal.

I don’t get it. Your wedding can be however informal you want. We had a full fledged wedding (married by judge then reception all in the same room) serving brunch and mimosas. There’s nothing stopping you from having the exact level of formality you want.

Anonymous wrote:If you want to elope or go to the JP, do it. Just don’t throw a big party later and invite me to CELEBRATE! If you don’t want to include me at your wedding, I am skipping your gift grab. JMHO.

We don’t want gifts. We’d like to see you.

I would like a very small wedding and a larger party later. Not quite a reception. More a big get together but you do need to tell folks it’s post wedding somehow so they come..right? We just want to see friends and have a good time that’s less formal.





My mother in law is elderly and a source of great stress to my partner (she’s mentally unwell and abusive to home). If I could find someone to be her chaperone and take her home post ceremony that would be ideal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want to elope or go to the JP, do it. Just don’t throw a big party later and invite me to CELEBRATE! If you don’t want to include me at your wedding, I am skipping your gift grab. JMHO.

+1 I hate this. What’s the point of skipping a wedding just to have a wedding without the ceremony?? After all, that’s what a wedding is. A party to celebrate.

The word you’re looking for is “reception”. The wedding is the ceremony, not the party.

A traditional American wedding is a ceremony + reception. A reception alone is not magically not a wedding and it’s annoying to have your gift grab reception after having your elopement ceremony. That’s a “regrets” for me.

No one is confusing a reception with a wedding ceremony except for you.

You said a wedding is a ceremony. Wrong. A wedding is a ceremony plus a reception.