Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just go to Florida. There is absolutely no godly reason to a) drag this many people to Hawaii, and b) spend the money on a Hawaiian vacation to be with extended family including non mobile grandparents. Grandma can’t walk far and wants a beach and everyone to pay their way = go the cheap, easy route. Save Hawaii for when your family can do the trip right without 15 random family members with mobility issues tagging along.

I agree. I would look into Amelia Island, FL. Easy to fly to, beautiful, close to St. Augustine. Mix of luxury (Ritz) but also other options as well!

This is a good option and check out the Omni hotel there. It is very "resorty" and would be great for everyone.

Don't go to a high altitude - no to Colorado, not with elderly.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the ideas! A few follow ups:
1) I don’t know about budget exactly (so hard to really know what others are experiencing financially!) but I bet each family of 4-5 could do $5-6k. So— doesn’t need to be ultra low cost, but also not the $15k someone mentioned above

2) for those who have rented a house… what do you really do with all that time? I think we really need activities and separate places for each family to go at the end of the day. I like a lot in theory about a group rental, but we’ve never all shared one space before and I don’t think it would go well. Even on family trips to visit right now, we never seem to spend more than, say, 5 hours as one large group at a time.

3) has anyone been to Baha Mar? I’m wondering if something like that (a giant complex with lots of different pools, activities, etc) would be good. Or maybe Hawks Caye in the keys?

We have done a lot of extended family vacations with mixed ages up to 17 people. Our easiest trips have been cruises, but, I would think an all inclusive resort would be just like a cruise. I'd look at all inclusives in Cancun or DR. Maybe Paradise Island Bahamas.

What about something like Wild Dunes (near Charleston)? A variety of housing options for different budgets and lots of activities.

When we have rented houses for family events - we don't just get one - we ID a location that has many options (hotels, houses, condo's etc). Poll who wants to stay where then let the individual family groups determine their place/cost/needs. We have a huge variety in ages, interests, and backgrounds. Typically this meant family units (mom/dad/kids - maybe an aunt or cousin tucked in a spare sofa) stayed together. We kept the events to a long weekend, in a city that was easy to get to via flights or driving. We arranged for a Thursday night "happy hour" for those arriving early. Then Friday breakfast fend for selves, and had a nice dinner with a private space planned for Friday night. Saturday we found a local park where those wanting the hike could hike, there were playgrounds for younger kids and rentable pavilions for the elders to sit in the shade. We did a later afternoon BBQ at the park. Sunday - all call for breakfast/brunch for those still around but most folks were gone. I can say in all honestly this was MORE THAN enough time. Not everyone gets what they want - but if the real goal is to have time together as a family it can be accomplished.

Anonymous wrote:Check out Omni Amelia Island. Each family can get their own hotel room (or rent one of the on-site condos if they want a kitchen) and meet up for some - but not all! - meals and activities. Grandma gets her beachk and everybody else can enjoy the spa, kids club, mini golf, restaurants, and nature center right on property. And if people want to rent a car and take a day trip to St. Augustine or go kayaking they can do that while others chill at the pool.

HARD PASS on the piling everybody into a house and meal rotations and squabbling over bedrooms and sleep/wake times and screen time rules and all of that. Just no.

This is a good tip—Amelia Island is great. But there are more places in SC/GA/FL that are kid-friendly with beaches to hang out on.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, and the other thing I'll add is that the success of a trip like this depends HEAVILY on all of the adults generally aligning around the fact that the purpose of the trip is to create opportunities for family togetherness and to give grandma the chance to spend time with / observe everyone.

The purpose is not to meet any individual family's ideal vacation parameters, to give the parents of the littlest kids a break, or to create a particularly relaxing environment for anyone. If you can set that expectation, I think you'll have more success.

+100 these are Family Trips, not real vacations.

Check out Omni Amelia Island. Each family can get their own hotel room (or rent one of the on-site condos if they want a kitchen) and meet up for some - but not all! - meals and activities. Grandma gets her beach and everybody else can enjoy the spa, kids club, mini golf, restaurants, and nature center right on property. And if people want to rent a car and take a day trip to St. Augustine or go kayaking they can do that while others chill at the pool.

HARD PASS on the piling everybody into a house and meal rotations and squabbling over bedrooms and sleep/wake times and screen time rules and all of that. Just no.

Oh, and the other thing I'll add is that the success of a trip like this depends HEAVILY on all of the adults generally aligning around the fact that the purpose of the trip is to create opportunities for family togetherness and to give grandma the chance to spend time with / observe everyone.

The purpose is not to meet any individual family's ideal vacation parameters, to give the parents of the littlest kids a break, or to create a particularly relaxing environment for anyone. If you can set that expectation, I think you'll have more success.

Anonymous wrote:We spend a week each year with 3 other families in Indian Rocks Beach or Indian Shores Florida. Each family rents their own condo in the same building and hangs out together at the pool and beach. The condo buildings along the barrier island are right on the beach with balconies overlooking the Gulf and have elevators. And there are plenty of restaurants and activities to walk to or are a short drive away.

OP, this is your best case scenario. I've done this very successfully with a LARGE family group (think: 30 adults, 15 kids). Every nuclear family gets its own condo that meets their budget/space needs and you either rent a "group hangout" condo or designate one place as the gathering area. Beach and pool are available every day for those who want it. Families did their own thing during the days (often in smaller groups, but this was key because kids were such different ages) and then we'd gather for happy hour and grilling most evenings, and each family would contribute something to the communal sides section (some cooked, lots grabbed something at the grocery).

If the budget is $5-$6k per family, there is no world in which it is feasible to go to Hawaii or the Caribbean or a fancy resort. You have to budget that plane tickets alone will be at least $2k per family.

I'm 9:09, and my one add would be if the purpose is to get together it might even be cheaper finding a location that isn't a destination spot and that takes some of the stress off family members on a tighter budget. Our reunion was in a city that I wouldn't ever choose as a vacation spot in its own right, but it got the job done for a long weekend. If everyone is flexible in terms of doing your own things throughout the time there, almost any town has a zoo or children's museum, a water park or golf course or shopping mall. A sports team whether pro or college. Some sort of outdoor activity like golf courses or walking trails.

My extended family is large and while there are some inter-personal squabbles here and there, we are all mostly on good terms and friendly. I can see where this would be awful for a family with lots of disfunction.

I'm a terrible person. I just don't understand the appeal of traveling like this.

I mean, I *understand* why - it sounds fun on paper to have all the family gather together on a trip, but the reality of these types of trips can be so stressful keeping everyone happy.

You've got grandma who doesn't want to plan or pay or do anything but demands a beach. OBX is made for stuff like this but if you have family spread all over the country, it's not that easy to get to (they will need to fly, and probably rent a car to get to the beach house).

OP, I would rule out anything international as everyone will need passports and chances are, you've got some of these family members who don't have them.

We did a trip like this with my husbands family back in 2016. We settled on Vegas, as we have family in VA, PHX, Seattle, and South Dakota. It was *only* 13 people with ages 3 years - 76 years, with the oldest being Dh's mom who is decently mobile for 76 but gets very cranky.

It just ended up in a lot of this:
* pouting by DH's younger, moody brother
* my other BIL/SIL (with no kids) ditching the fam and doing their own thing, getting wasted every night
* my other SIL 'babysitting' her two toddlers and MIL herself
* Teens wandering off on their own when they weren't supposed to, getting cranky because there wasn't much for them to do.
* MIL getting very cranky because she wanted lunch buffets at a downtown casino every night and others wanted to try some of the famous Vegas restaurants

That kind of thing. Even so, that might not sound so bad in hindsight but I clearly remember this and it was awful. And each family had their own hotel room. I can't imagine this under one roof.

I will never do this again.

I know Grandma wants a beach but that could be something to give up. We did a large family reunion last year and looked at the beach, an inland resort or state park type of place, and a city. Large family ranging in age from 4mos to a 75yr old who is fairly immobile due to MS.

We ended up as a group voting on the mid-sized city where the organizers lived. Most people ended up staying in one host hotel with free breakfasts so we gathered every morning. We all chipped in to pay for a suite that became the party-room to hang out during down times. The organizers came up with a rough itinerary with one official thing to do per day as a family - a catered dinner, a baseball game and a pool party with BBQ. Otherwise they had a huge list of things to do around town and then families could do various things together based on their and their kids' interests. For example, a bunch of us went to the local aquarium with a lot of the younger kids. A group of uncles went golfing. Most of the older generation who were less mobile actually spent most of their time in the party suite chatting. Sometimes the babies were put down for naps in the suite's bedrooms and the parents could sneak out to workout or have lunch together.

It was Thurs-Sun so at most people were taking two days off of work.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m a terrible person but I promise you I am not wasting a precious vacation with a non-mobile not-paying demanding grandma. I make sure my kids grandparents see them throughout the year and assume all the cost and traveling associated with doing that for them, but I am not planning a vacation around them when they can’t walk or pay or plan and try to tell me how to do it. You can just say no.

+1 You're my kind of person! I completely agree. I only have so much PTO and this sounds miserable

Thanks for the ideas! A few follow ups:
1) I don’t know about budget exactly (so hard to really know what others are experiencing financially!) but I bet each family of 4-5 could do $5-6k. So— doesn’t need to be ultra low cost, but also not the $15k someone mentioned above

2) for those who have rented a house… what do you really do with all that time? I think we really need activities and separate places for each family to go at the end of the day. I like a lot in theory about a group rental, but we’ve never all shared one space before and I don’t think it would go well. Even on family trips to visit right now, we never seem to spend more than, say, 5 hours as one large group at a time.

3) has anyone been to Baha Mar? I’m wondering if something like that (a giant complex with lots of different pools, activities, etc) would be good. Or maybe Hawks Caye in the keys?