I am a teacher and I try not to judge where people send their kids to school. Your SIL has first hand experience in the realities in public schools.

I think it is really school dependent. My kids went to an ok public school for elementary then magnets for middle and high school. If they didn't attend magnets I would have sent them to private. I have first hand experience in public education. It is sad how many kids have to suffer because of the extreme disfunction of others.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing her work as a social worker is impacting her feelings. My job gives allows me to see behind the curtain of a certain industry and it has definitely made me more cynical.

100% this. Once you know how the sausage is made there’s no going back.
My kid is still in public but I changed my view on many things since I started working there
Signed, a school district employee

Yes, lots of teachers send their kids to private school...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. I had a friend who said she only looked at private schools because "I want him to go to school with normal kids."

Is inclusion just disregarded as important? How will your friends kids react by seeing "disabled" kids?

Honest question - aside from family members, how many "disabled" adults do you interact with during your day-to-day? Especially at work. Inclusion in public school does not equal inclusion in the workplace or social settings.

Anonymous wrote:It’s naive to think that private schools don’t get any special needs kids.

No it isn’t.

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing her work as a social worker is impacting her feelings. My job gives allows me to see behind the curtain of a certain industry and it has definitely made me more cynical.

100% this. Once you know how the sausage is made there’s no going back.
My kid is still in public but I changed my view on many things since I started working there
Signed, a school district employee

Has she been a social worker in these schools, or other schools? In these schools then she knows what she’s talking about. If not, her poor past and earlier work experience clouds her judgment. I went to one of the best public school districts in the US (top ten in USNWR) and my kid goes to a good public school in Virginia. I noticed a difference between my school and his - mine was much better and essentially functioned like a private school (when I look back now), and his is pretty good and doesn’t have the disruptions that are mentioned here, as aides are assigned in inclusive classes that have mainstreamed kids with behavioral issues. So I have no hesitation with my kid in public school. If I came from or lived in a part of the country where most middle class and above expect to put their kids in private then I would have too because in those communities that’s where the “regular” schools are. You have to look out for your own kids. My kid has some SN, but he is highly functioning and no behavioral issues. I want my kid to get services, but I wouldn’t want him taking all the oxygen out of the classroom either, so I get it. There’s not a ton of options for the kids with more serious issues.

Anonymous wrote:The system is f’d up.
More and more demands on schools but not enough staff. But there is no willingness to fix it. It does feel like special needs kids and parents have taken over public schools.

As a parent of a SN kid, I totally get this.

At my last IEP meeting, we were offered two choices: complete inclusion, or non verbal classroom.

If we go with complete inclusion, it's because we need to build a case for out of district placement. It's a crazy system.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't believe this conversation happened but if it did, she has every right to that opinion.

Absolutely.

Not for kindergarten, but my ds was in a class with a spitting, chair throwing table flipper. The room was evacuated weekly, on average. Things were broken, other kids were scared. I would have avoided that if I could.

The kid eventually threw something at a display case and broke the glass. That got him expelled finally.

You are vile. This entire post was created just so azzhats like you can call kids with disabilities names.

The system is f’d up.
More and more demands on schools but not enough staff. But there is no willingness to fix it. It does feel like special needs kids and parents have taken over public schools.

She works there. She sees what she sees.

Many school staff feel the same.

Anonymous wrote:I can imagine she is biased by seeing the saddest cases everyday. And certainly it’s true we need more aides to facilitate inclusion, and we need to prioritize the class not being constantly interrupted by out of control kids. But I have one in public and one in private for individual kid reasons, and I haven’t seen big differences in kid behavior in either one. We are at a pretty wealthy public school though, with lots of parent involvement. The 50 hour a week comment is strange, I’ve only seen data about that for daycare. She might be a bit paranoid and helicoptering again probably due to what she sees in terms of extreme kid behavior through her job, or could just be her own anxiety.

Kids who go to before and after care, like from 7 am-5 pm five days a week, are definitely getting raised by non-parents the majority of their waking hours on weekdays. I can see where SIL is reluctant to sign on for that with her kindergartner even though many parents have no problem with the hours, or insist that teachers and daycare workers are not actually "raising" their kids, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s not wrong. As a society we have decided that kids with disabilities are more important than anyone else. I’m not disagreeing with that. But you have to realize that mainstreaming means that teachers attention won’t be on how to make the smartest kids smarter. No, it’s how to get the slowest kids to grade level.

I truly wish they did more tracking and also allowed kids to move fluidly through tracks. It would give teachers more uniform classes to work with. Kindergarten wouldn’t be some kids who are reading small chapter books and others who know no letters and don’t speak English.

I don't know that the bolded statement is true. I think it's similar to a parent trying to figure out who is more important, their special needs child who requires so much time, attention, money, patience, resources, etc. or their other children. How do you figure that out?

As someone who had a difficult sibling who sucked all the oxygen out of a room- the kids deserve equal attention still. If you give extra time to one kid, it better come out of your own free time.

I can imagine she is biased by seeing the saddest cases everyday. And certainly it’s true we need more aides to facilitate inclusion, and we need to prioritize the class not being constantly interrupted by out of control kids. But I have one in public and one in private for individual kid reasons, and I haven’t seen big differences in kid behavior in either one. We are at a pretty wealthy public school though, with lots of parent involvement. The 50 hour a week comment is strange, I’ve only seen data about that for daycare. She might be a bit paranoid and helicoptering again probably due to what she sees in terms of extreme kid behavior through her job, or could just be her own anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:She’s not wrong. As a society we have decided that kids with disabilities are more important than anyone else. I’m not disagreeing with that. But you have to realize that mainstreaming means that teachers attention won’t be on how to make the smartest kids smarter. No, it’s how to get the slowest kids to grade level.

I truly wish they did more tracking and also allowed kids to move fluidly through tracks. It would give teachers more uniform classes to work with. Kindergarten wouldn’t be some kids who are reading small chapter books and others who know no letters and don’t speak English.

I don't know that the bolded statement is true. I think it's similar to a parent trying to figure out who is more important, their special needs child who requires so much time, attention, money, patience, resources, etc. or their other children. How do you figure that out?

My kids was the behavioral kid that the classroom was cleared for. He did not belong in an inclusion environment. He is now in a therapeutic school and doing great. Inclusion is not for everyone. She’s not wrong about what goes on in the classroom.

I was very involved with the school to get my kid his placement. I worked from home and had the ability to pick my kid up from school when needed. By the end, it was daily.

I have the income to pay for a private neuropsych and multiple therapies a week. I had the flexibility at work and insurance that when his behavior got so bad, I was able to put him at Shephard Pratt. After his discharge the wheels of the IEP machine still turn slowly.

My point is I didn’t have my head in the sand. I wasn’t in denial about what needed to happen at school. I was doing everything I could to help my kid be successful at school and in life and yet it took 18mo to get my kid in the right environment. I can only imagine how hard it is to get kids that need the help into the right environment if a parent is in denial and is not willing to work with the school.

All kids deserve an education. When the classroom is cleared to often the kids that have to leave have their learning experience disrupted and the kid that is having the meltdown is losing their self confidence, self esteem, and they certainly are not accessing the curriculum.