Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fed/Big Law only works when the Fed is the primary parent and has a job with either prestige or flexibility. If you don’t think this guy is primary parent/household material, it’s not a fit. Also if you will resent not being primary parent, it’s not a fit.

100% This poster nicely summarized the state of affairs in three sentences.

+1

People are focusing on the monetary aspect of it. Will you be unhappy as the breadwinner AND the primary parent? Or as the pp said, as the non-primary parent?

Take a look at what this will REALLY look like.

My husband is a great dad. But I am still the primary parent. And the breadwinner. This is not even remotely close to what I wanted. People would tell ME I should have chosen better. So I am telling YOU to be smart. And understand what your content GS14 will look like in 10-15 years with kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fed/Big Law only works when the Fed is the primary parent and has a job with either prestige or flexibility. If you don’t think this guy is primary parent/household material, it’s not a fit. Also if you will resent not being primary parent, it’s not a fit.

100% This poster nicely summarized the state of affairs in three sentences.

I agree too. I think the lower salary man only works if they are willing to do more chores and be more of a primary parent.

FWIW I am a GS14 and the primary parent. There’s a lot when you become parents. We easily save on two GS14 salaries. We make about 320k… hardly slumming it

Anonymous wrote:C'mon folks this is DCUM.
Home of women who expect their men to make at least 500K a year, have a net value of at least 10M, and be ultra and stupidly progressive.
And who endlessly complain that there are no available men, just incels.
Of course release this poor, poor "low earning" man so that a nice woman may hope to find him.

Love it!!!

Goodness woman, you are 32, not 23. Any guy with di*k should be "good enough".

OP, I hope you never find anyone

C'mon folks this is DCUM.
Home of women who expect their men to make at least 500K a year, have a net value of at least 10M, and be ultra and stupidly progressive.
And who endlessly complain that there are no available men, just incels.
Of course release this poor, poor "low earning" man so that a nice woman may hope to find him.

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

It depends. What size are your boobs and how wide is your thigh gap?

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Are you great in bed, gorgeous and stable? If not, he should dump you.

I'm married to a GS-14 and after a few step increases the salary is nothing to sneeze at. And as somebody mentioned earlier the health insurance is great (I work at a job with great salary but crappy benefits).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Cut him loose. I pray I run into him - I’m a 13 and enjoying the hell out of my life and meager salary. I’m working 25 hours a wk and most recently remote in Buenos Aires. So much more to life - cut him loose indeed.

Remote in Buenos Aires for a fed is probably illegal and is ripping us (the taxpayer) off regardless.

Cut him loose to find someone who shares his values. If he were my son I’d want him to RUN from you, geez.

I can’t believe I am reading this.
You might never find “more.”
You are nuts. Truly.

Anonymous wrote:Insufficient information— how old is *he* and GS14 *what*.

If he’s a 30 y/o GS14 it’s very different than a 40 y/o GS14. Bear in mind the GS14-15 jump is a trap— going into the 15 without your 5-7 year plan for leaving government in place means accepting wage stagnation.

If you don’t know this much about government salaries by 32, living in the DC area, it may be better for you to just continue to date industry.

NP. My DH and I are delighted with his work/life balance and benefits as a career Fed - he has no plans to move to the private sector.

Given that I have been a GS-15 at DOJ for my entire career, this would not bother me at all in terms of the $. The question is, is he passionate about/interested in the work he does? Or if not, does it leave him time for non-work interests/hobbies he is passionate about? I want to be with a person who has an interest/spark about something.

Anonymous wrote:I turned 32 this year and made a resolution to find someone to settle down with. Last month I hit it off with someone who seemed great. The problem is he’s civil service, GS-14.

Everyone I’ve dated in the past has been much higher income (private industry). I’m worried long term I’m going to be resentful if he can’t contribute to our lifestyle.

Should I cut him loose?

Cut him loose. I pray I run into him - I’m a 13 and enjoying the hell out of my life and meager salary. I’m working 25 hours a wk and most recently remote in Buenos Aires. So much more to life - cut him loose indeed.