I think they should be able to make the trip, op. If 8 hours is too long, they can Drive 4 hours one day, hotel, 4 hours the next.

Posters who say older folks are too decrepit to travel are being weird.

Is Amtrak an option for them? Even for part?

Why don’t you hire nanny to drive your kids in a separate car and then you and spouse can drive in your own car. The nanny would probably remember to pack medical devices better than you anyway.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are your ILs? You haven't told us and you dropped the lede on the medical SN child.

A medical SN child that has to pack their own devices!! WTF?!?!

Anonymous wrote:
This is your out to stop doing it!

You should agree with them: “You’re right MIL, it’s too far to drive!”

DONE!

+1. This is your chance to cut all trips off completely. Just take it and stop whining.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was just chastising my husband for not seeing them more often (usually takes us 8 hours to drive with stops and the kids).

They proposed to come see us after our recent visit to see them and we set a week. They immediately changed their mind the drive is too long. They aren't that old either.

If I can drive up with two screaming kids they could at least reciprocate or understandthe obvious don't expect us to drive if you won't. /rant

Lol. This reminds me of when DH's mom was planning a trip to see us around the same time he was trying to coordinate a trip to see her. He called her with the dates about her visit to us and said "I was thinking Friday to Sunday X dates would work best." She went off! Gave a big lecture on how such a short visit was inconsiderate to her as a hostess, how it was hardly any time visiting her, and how we might as well not come at all if visiting her was that unimportant to us. He was quietly confused for a moment and then said, "No, mom, I mean your visit to us. You never want to stay longer than 2 nights so I thought those two were best. But of course you can stay longer; I had no idea it was important to you." She had to totally back track and explain how short visits to us made sense but if we were coming to see her we should stay longer or it was disrespectful.

It made no sense because the real issue is that she doesn't like to be inconvenienced by travel to us but expects everyone else to be inconvenienced to see her. Never mind that she is retired and she travels to luxury locations all the time for long visits. She is selfish in lots of other ways, though, so it makes total sense.

DH drives 10+ hours to Mass. several times a year to see his elderly parents. SIL drives 12+ hours once a month to see them. They are in their early to mid-60s. Maybe it's a New England thing, but they just suck it up and make the trip with no complaints.

OP, how old are your ILs? You haven't told us and you dropped the lede on the medical SN child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:driving with dimming senses, slower reaction times, and weakening bladder/bowels isn't the same as driving with 2 kids.

Osteoarthritis, pain, trouble concentrating, staying alert...

OP, 8 hours is too long a drive for anyone esp anyone approaching or older than 60.
I wouldn’t do it with 2 kids either. Sounds like they have good intentions - they want to see grandchildren.
Not all grandparents are so engaged, including my parents - just not interested, wouldn’t even drive an hour to see grandkids. But would drive an hour to see their friends.

Be grateful they love their grandkids. I feel you’re lucky.

Oh please. I'm 67 and drive back and forth to FL alone every year. Not everyone in my age range has issues staying alert lol.

Anonymous wrote:I cannot believe how many people think that a 5-8 hour drive is too long for people in their 50s and 60s. I am 55 and drive up once every six weeks to see my elderly parents. The drive is 7 hours without traffic, but with traffic and stops can be anywhere from 8 to 10 hours. My dad was driving 7+ hours until age 83. My MIL drove that far until she was 84.

It isn't the 1940s anymore when someone in their 50s was "old." Sure, there are some people who can't make this type of drive, but most reasonably healthy people should be able to do a 5-hour drive plus stops until their 70s. And if they cannot, they can always drive 3-4 hours, spend the night on the road and then finish the drive the next day.

This, especially since the “elderly” drive further for their own favorite vacation spot. They are selfish boomers. They don’t care if it’s not logically possible or unpleasant for their adult children..hence the chastising. Boomers want a visit! It’s all on you to make it happen! Now!

OP just say no and tell your DH it’s fine for him to hang up if he’s being chastised. Ignore the boomer fit and enjoy being with your nuclear family.

I cannot believe how many people think that a 5-8 hour drive is too long for people in their 50s and 60s. I am 55 and drive up once every six weeks to see my elderly parents. The drive is 7 hours without traffic, but with traffic and stops can be anywhere from 8 to 10 hours. My dad was driving 7+ hours until age 83. My MIL drove that far until she was 84.

It isn't the 1940s anymore when someone in their 50s was "old." Sure, there are some people who can't make this type of drive, but most reasonably healthy people should be able to do a 5-hour drive plus stops until their 70s. And if they cannot, they can always drive 3-4 hours, spend the night on the road and then finish the drive the next day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 hours is too long to drive for most older folks. Heck, I don't think I could drive 8 hours, and I'm in my 50s.

Fwiw, my parents live a 2.5-hour drive away, not 5-8, and it's too long for them to drive, even though they drive 2.5-hours to their beach house. They say they can't deal with the highway/95 or unfamiliar backroads. They could take the train, but they don't do that either. It is what it is. They came down when my oldest was born. She's a tween now.

8 hours is too long for a 50 year old? What?

It’s more convenient for them if you drive. Whatever. Drop the rope. I woukd let them know they are welcome to visit and repeat as needed.

An 8-hour drive is too long for this 50-something. YMMV.

I am always surprised at how many people on DCUM hate road trips. Maybe because DH and I grew up with them, but we both (mid and upper 50’s) regularly take 8+ hour road trips and enjoy them. Our kids grew up with us driving to New England several times a year so they think nothing of them now that they’re young adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:driving with dimming senses, slower reaction times, and weakening bladder/bowels isn't the same as driving with 2 kids.

+1
you are the one in the wrong here OP

OP said they drive other places.

We have a similar situation and we just don’t see them more than once a year now. It’s important to me to see my family so I make the effort, but apparently it’s not important for DH to see his family or for them to see him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 hours is too long to drive for most older folks. Heck, I don't think I could drive 8 hours, and I'm in my 50s.

Fwiw, my parents live a 2.5-hour drive away, not 5-8, and it's too long for them to drive, even though they drive 2.5-hours to their beach house. They say they can't deal with the highway/95 or unfamiliar backroads. They could take the train, but they don't do that either. It is what it is. They came down when my oldest was born. She's a tween now.

8 hours is too long for a 50 year old? What?

It’s more convenient for them if you drive. Whatever. Drop the rope. I woukd let them know they are welcome to visit and repeat as needed.

An 8-hour drive is too long for this 50-something. YMMV.

Anonymous wrote:My MIL was just chastising my husband for not seeing them more often (usually takes us 8 hours to drive with stops and the kids).

They proposed to come see us after our recent visit to see them and we set a week. They immediately changed their mind the drive is too long. They aren't that old either.

If I can drive up with two screaming kids they could at least reciprocate or understandthe obvious don't expect us to drive if you won't. /rant

Next time they ask you or berate you for not visiting:
"Yes... Unfortunately I agree, it's too long of a drive. Maybe you can fly down another time"