Anonymous wrote:You would think someone as overeducated as OP and her husband would know you don’t really know the cost/debt until you get in and get your aid package.

Applying widely is very wise to compare grant packages.

Agee. Apply widely but do also include a couple public Us as "financial safeties." For my kid who applied last year, their cheapest in-state option would have been UMW, about $17k. But OP probably would look down on their niece for going there.

If she thinks the kid is competitive for UVA then they should also be looking at highly selective D3 schools that meet need. I'm guessing that's not the case.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

Clearly your universities did an appalling job of educating you, so perhaps your niece is looking at you as a cautionary tale. If you are at all like you post here in real life, your education was a total failure.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My student-athlete niece wants to become a nurse. Isn’t the best place to do that if you’re middle class the best public university you can get into, not a random obscure private college? Public universities also have thriving intramural and club teams, right?

Not necessarily at all. Small schools often give a lot of merit aid, so are often the cheaper option. Many of my middle class friends had their kids apply to both private and public options and found the cheapest option was a private one.

And private ones are much more likely to have direct entry to nursing, which is of course a priority.

It sounds like your niece and her parents know more about college admissions than you do, and you should probably let them make their own choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You would think someone as overeducated as OP and her husband would know you don’t really know the cost/debt until you get in and get your aid package.

Applying widely is very wise to compare grant packages.

Large endowment universities offer the best packages to middle class parents. Have the most resources. The best faculty. And being an alum of a name brand university pays dividends. These no-name private schools have no alumni base. Many of them will be defunct in ten years.

Okay. If OP’s niece had the stats for a large endowment university I think it would have come up. So that’s nice but obviously irrelevant.

Anonymous wrote:You would think someone as overeducated as OP and her husband would know you don’t really know the cost/debt until you get in and get your aid package.

Applying widely is very wise to compare grant packages.

Large endowment universities offer the best packages to middle class parents. Have the most resources. The best faculty. And being an alum of a name brand university pays dividends. These no-name private schools have no alumni base. Many of them will be defunct in ten years.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

Since you’re so close to this family talk to your niece at your regular get together!

It’s challenging to talk to a niece or the parents when the parents’ egos seem so caught up in making sure she plays in college, any college. They’re being totally irrational. I think it’s a terrible decision to go to an obscure private college in the middle of nowhere when she could likely get into UVA. UVA will have the most recourses, the best departments, and best students. And again they have no money. Please don’t lie to me that some obscure d3 college is going to let her go there for free. Ain’t happening.

1) You have no idea if she is likely to get into UVA, especially if you have not recently been involved in college admissions.
2) Yes, UVA can be a great deal if you have a high level of 'need" as determined by FAFSA. If it's just that they are middle class and haven't saved for college, they out-of-pocket for UVA is likely to be quite high. And, yes, D3 schools may be less. Not zero but my DD's LAC (that I'm sure you'd find unacceptable) costs us $28k after merit aid only

Suggest watching “Borrowed Future” (free on Prime) and STFU from there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

If you are so knowledgeable about this sport and about her ability level, then you should know that many kids play for D3 schools through great financial packages. And have great experiences at those schools. I know a few myself. Clearly, you have no idea what you are speaking of. Don't embarrass yourself by bringing up this nonsense to your SIL.

Why are you using the strange phrasing “great financial packages”? You know there are no sports scholarships at d3. And you know there is no free lunch. They dupe these student-athlete parents into attending with fake scholarship discounts and end up costing gullible middle class families a boatload of money and loans. And most kids quit the sport. And often the kids transfer out. It’s setting a middle class kid up for disaster to go to some random school solely to continue a sport. There are far more resources for such a student at a selective state university.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Several of DD’s friends went to D3 schools to play their sport. They received academic merit money or needs based assistance and their out of pocket expenses were significantly less than their state university costs would have been. Every one of them played their sport all 4 years, loved their school, and either got good jobs after undergrad or went directly to grad school. It’s not for everyone. But for plenty of kids it’s a great path. Hardly a disaster.

All of your daughters’ student-athlete friends shared their intimate family net worth and household income with you and you helped them fill out FAFSA and saw their “scholarship” letters? I find that hard to believe. And also, travel sports people lie to make the obscure school sound too hard to pass up. The reality is people are paying and taking out loans so their good not great athlete kid can keep playing a sport. It’s a disaster for middle class parents to get caught up in that.

You would think someone as overeducated as OP and her husband would know you don’t really know the cost/debt until you get in and get your aid package.

Applying widely is very wise to compare grant packages.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

If you are so knowledgeable about this sport and about her ability level, then you should know that many kids play for D3 schools through great financial packages. And have great experiences at those schools. I know a few myself. Clearly, you have no idea what you are speaking of. Don't embarrass yourself by bringing up this nonsense to your SIL.

Why are you using the strange phrasing “great financial packages”? You know there are no sports scholarships at d3. And you know there is no free lunch. They dupe these student-athlete parents into attending with fake scholarship discounts and end up costing gullible middle class families a boatload of money and loans. And most kids quit the sport. And often the kids transfer out. It’s setting a middle class kid up for disaster to go to some random school solely to continue a sport. There are far more resources for such a student at a selective state university.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Several of DD’s friends went to D3 schools to play their sport. They received academic merit money or needs based assistance and their out of pocket expenses were significantly less than their state university costs would have been. Every one of them played their sport all 4 years, loved their school, and either got good jobs after undergrad or went directly to grad school. It’s not for everyone. But for plenty of kids it’s a great path. Hardly a disaster.

+1 It is a perfectly reasonable option to choose especially for a student who wants a small, close-knit community vs. a huge public university. Absolutely, the priority should be a good program for the major (that's pretty easy to check out for nursing) and a reasonable cost. But you can find that at a lot of places. Sounds like OP is just an education snob and really dislikes her SIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

Since you’re so close to this family talk to your niece at your regular get together!

It’s challenging to talk to a niece or the parents when the parents’ egos seem so caught up in making sure she plays in college, any college. They’re being totally irrational. I think it’s a terrible decision to go to an obscure private college in the middle of nowhere when she could likely get into UVA. UVA will have the most recourses, the best departments, and best students. And again they have no money. Please don’t lie to me that some obscure d3 college is going to let her go there for free. Ain’t happening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

Congrats on your four degrees. I hope you're a troll because if not, you are the biggest stuck up pile of dung for a family member that I would only wish on my worst enemy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my niece can continue to play her sport in college. The issue is two-fold. Her daughter is simply good not great at her sport (which her parents refuse to accept) and the family is only middle class. They have no college savings, so debt will fuel this. Is it sports obsessed parents’ egos that refuse to let it go? They can’t admit ten years of sports efforts simply conclude in 12th grade?

Is there any way to convince them they’re about to make a terrible financial decision? The family is going to end up with a lot of debt, their daughter will likely quit the sport once she can do what she wants, and likely, the daughter hates the no-name private college where she knows nobody. Isn’t that how this usually plays out?

If you are so knowledgeable about this sport and about her ability level, then you should know that many kids play for D3 schools through great financial packages. And have great experiences at those schools. I know a few myself. Clearly, you have no idea what you are speaking of. Don't embarrass yourself by bringing up this nonsense to your SIL.

Why are you using the strange phrasing “great financial packages”? You know there are no sports scholarships at d3. And you know there is no free lunch. They dupe these student-athlete parents into attending with fake scholarship discounts and end up costing gullible middle class families a boatload of money and loans. And most kids quit the sport. And often the kids transfer out. It’s setting a middle class kid up for disaster to go to some random school solely to continue a sport. There are far more resources for such a student at a selective state university.

You really don’t know what you’re talking about. Several of DD’s friends went to D3 schools to play their sport. They received academic merit money or needs based assistance and their out of pocket expenses were significantly less than their state university costs would have been. Every one of them played their sport all 4 years, loved their school, and either got good jobs after undergrad or went directly to grad school. It’s not for everyone. But for plenty of kids it’s a great path. Hardly a disaster.

Anonymous wrote:Say nothing OP. Small no name colleges sometimes give scholarships for athletes.

If your niece wants to, she can quit the sport, lose the money, and get one year of basic classes out of the way before she transfers. Or, the school works out for her. Neither are your problem.

No, they don’t. They use the sports teams to get people to go there. Half the school “plays” a sport.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You actually don’t need any advice. Not your kid, not your finances. Stay out of it.

It’s our family. And my husband and I have degrees from four universities and far more resources and even we wouldn’t do something so financially reckless. It feels like they are being swindled and are too caught up in making sure she plays a sport in college. I don’t want to see this wreck their finances, their marriage, put my niece in a mountain of debt, and make it so my niece ends up transferring colleges because she only went to the obscure private for a sport.

OP, my dh and I have advanced degrees, WORK at a university, and our siblings and niece/ nephew wanted absolutely no advice from us when looking at colleges.

It made no sense, but we are the younger siblings, so I only assume our older siblings thought we knew nothing about our own profession.

One nephew ended up dropping out and never getting a college degree, another had a very hard time but did graduate, and one niece did ok.

There is nothing you can do if they don't want your advice or won't listen to it. I would have loved to have a relative to help me navigate college, but there was no one, so I don't understand either OP.