Posting again to say my mother does this sort of thing on a regular basis-promising people money and putting them on a pedestal and making them feel like they are they most amazing person and anyone is trash in comparison. I have had cousins and family friends come to me devastated when she finally shoves them off the pedestal she put them on. It's one of many manifestations of her mental health issues that she refuses to treat. She also thrives on creating conflict, envy, competition. I detached long ago. I make my own money and invest well.

My inlaws try to play the pedestal game with us and my MIL made me the perfect child and her own daughter the bad one. I refused to play along. My SIL did not deserve that.

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle (siblings) have decided that their children are irresponsible and so they want to leave their assets (one is high 7 figures) and real estate to me. They think because I am their version of responsible I will not squander the money as they assume their children will do. I don't want this and have said so, but they aren't listening. I know wills can change, but if I do end up inheriting, would I be wrong if I just give the money and houses to their children? Would you?

Often in with really dysfunctional parents they do splitting-people are all good and all bad and 1-dimensional. Their children could have met a whole list of expectations, but they are "bad" because they rebelled in some way and now you, who they don't know as well as they know their own kids are so "good" because of your resume and you are nice to them. You are smart not to want to get sucked in. They are creating discord and not just the cousins could turn on you, but the parents. They could have all sorts of unspoken strings and then when you can't fly out when one in the hospital you become the demon.

I certainly hope the adult children know they are being disowned. I know of one case where the mom had no problem having the adult child coordinating all care, visiting often and advocating at the nursing home, putting up with all sorts of verbally and emotionally abusive behavior and the mom left her out of the will and rewarded the siblings who did almost nothing.

I would just put in writing you don't want it. If you are very close to the cousins and know their character, I would let them know what is going on and see if they want you to CC them on that correspondence.

Also,if you take it things could get ugly beyond them hating you. They might find a lawyer willing to sue and see if they can find a way to prove you duped the parents. Do you even know if they are cognitively OK? With age some get paranoid so this could be someone deteriorating you is suddenly paranoid about the kids and sees you as some sort of saint.

I am always skeptical of a person who puts me on a pedestal because those are the people who throw you right off it quickly. It's good that you are not getting sucked in. Make things clear and detach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. You steadfastly and PUBLICLY refuse it, so as to preserve your relationship with your cousins.
2. If you're still the recipient, you transfer it to the cousins. Try not to pay the taxes out of your own money, though. That would not be fair to you.

This made me wonder, if OP gets the money and then pays the taxes out of the money and then gives what's left to the cousins do they then have to pay gift taxes on that amount? This is starting to look like the aunt and uncle might as well just go ahead and donate the money to the government.

Nobody pays taxes unless the gift amount is over the exclusion amount (currently $12.92 m). If it is, the tax is on the giver. However, even if it is under, if it is 7 figures, OP would have to report the gift to the IRS, and the gift would count against their lifetime exclusion amount, so OP’s estate could end up owing taxes if they leave a significant amount to their heirs. Congress changes the exclusion amount from time to time, and when the current level expires, it could be significantly lower.

It’s set to be $6m in 2026 which is not that much.

A measly $6m!? Sheesh, that's peanuts!

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if you really plan to do something against their wishes you could tell them now so they could pick a different heir.

I'm available, have them give me a call.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. You steadfastly and PUBLICLY refuse it, so as to preserve your relationship with your cousins.
2. If you're still the recipient, you transfer it to the cousins. Try not to pay the taxes out of your own money, though. That would not be fair to you.

This made me wonder, if OP gets the money and then pays the taxes out of the money and then gives what's left to the cousins do they then have to pay gift taxes on that amount? This is starting to look like the aunt and uncle might as well just go ahead and donate the money to the government.

Nobody pays taxes unless the gift amount is over the exclusion amount (currently $12.92 m). If it is, the tax is on the giver. However, even if it is under, if it is 7 figures, OP would have to report the gift to the IRS, and the gift would count against their lifetime exclusion amount, so OP’s estate could end up owing taxes if they leave a significant amount to their heirs. Congress changes the exclusion amount from time to time, and when the current level expires, it could be significantly lower.

It’s set to be $6m in 2026 which is not that much.

Anonymous wrote:Once their kids are aware of this they will probably be so mad at you for being so perfect that they will shun you and hate you. At that point you might decide to give the inheritance to somebody who deserves it.

Having been in this situation, I guarantee that there is nothing OP can do to make this situation better. In my case, the adult child had worked very hard at getting themselves disinherited (had done some truly unforgivable things and couldn’t bring themselves to apologize without also blaming the parent) and was still mad that other members of the family couldn’t talk the parent out of it. Most of it really isn’t even about the money. It is hard for the kids to see that OP became a person their parents admire, when they did not. Along with the realization that any chance of reconciliation is gone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
1. You steadfastly and PUBLICLY refuse it, so as to preserve your relationship with your cousins.
2. If you're still the recipient, you transfer it to the cousins. Try not to pay the taxes out of your own money, though. That would not be fair to you.

This made me wonder, if OP gets the money and then pays the taxes out of the money and then gives what's left to the cousins do they then have to pay gift taxes on that amount? This is starting to look like the aunt and uncle might as well just go ahead and donate the money to the government.

Nobody pays taxes unless the gift amount is over the exclusion amount (currently $12.92 m). If it is, the tax is on the giver. However, even if it is under, if it is 7 figures, OP would have to report the gift to the IRS, and the gift would count against their lifetime exclusion amount, so OP’s estate could end up owing taxes if they leave a significant amount to their heirs. Congress changes the exclusion amount from time to time, and when the current level expires, it could be significantly lower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle (siblings) have decided that their children are irresponsible and so they want to leave their assets (one is high 7 figures) and real estate to me. They think because I am their version of responsible I will not squander the money as they assume their children will do. I don't want this and have said so, but they aren't listening. I know wills can change, but if I do end up inheriting, would I be wrong if I just give the money and houses to their children? Would you?

Question: if OP does just give the money and property to their children will OP then be responsible for taxes as I am assuming the amounts given would be well above the annual gift limits?

No. OP can disclaim the inheritance which will trigger it to automatically go to the next in line, which should be the kids.

Unless the will says otherwise. If they want to disinherit their kids, the will will probably be very specific about that, and likely have an alternate beneficiary.

But it is true that OP can’t just take the money and give it to the cousins without triggering gift tax issues. If it’s under the lifetime exclusion amount, OP wouldn’t owe taxes, but it would count against their estate exclusion amount when OP dies.

Anonymous wrote:
1. You steadfastly and PUBLICLY refuse it, so as to preserve your relationship with your cousins.
2. If you're still the recipient, you transfer it to the cousins. Try not to pay the taxes out of your own money, though. That would not be fair to you.

This made me wonder, if OP gets the money and then pays the taxes out of the money and then gives what's left to the cousins do they then have to pay gift taxes on that amount? This is starting to look like the aunt and uncle might as well just go ahead and donate the money to the government.

1. You steadfastly and PUBLICLY refuse it, so as to preserve your relationship with your cousins.
2. If you're still the recipient, you transfer it to the cousins. Try not to pay the taxes out of your own money, though. That would not be fair to you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle (siblings) have decided that their children are irresponsible and so they want to leave their assets (one is high 7 figures) and real estate to me. They think because I am their version of responsible I will not squander the money as they assume their children will do. I don't want this and have said so, but they aren't listening. I know wills can change, but if I do end up inheriting, would I be wrong if I just give the money and houses to their children? Would you?

Suggest a trust where their children cannot access most of $$ except in small increments over time where they will hopefully mature.

This. Aunt and Uncle have enough money to hire a good estate planning attorney who can set this thing up.

And if they've already hired that attorney to do their estate plan, if they're that set against their kids getting the money and property they probably have it set up so that the kids aren't next in line if OP declines the inheritance.

Also, OP? I'm confused about "aunt and uncle (siblings)." Who is whose sibling here? The aunt and uncle aren't brother and sister who have kids together...right?

I still think OP should be VERY clear with Aunt and Uncle that they plan on declining. OP already made up their mind. This lets Aunt and Uncle know they should have a clear plan B and C and D. It would be a shame (and frankly dishonest IMO) if the money wound up going somewhere Aunt and Uncle explicitly didn't want just because OP doesn't want drama.

I have takers in my family, so I understand Aunt and Uncle's sentiments. I'm sure there has been a lifetime of actions leading up to this decision. It's not just "ungrateful kids! not working hard enough!"

Also, I thought it was clear that OP was pointing out that Aunt and Uncle are not married, they are siblings in similar situations with deadbeat kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle (siblings) have decided that their children are irresponsible and so they want to leave their assets (one is high 7 figures) and real estate to me. They think because I am their version of responsible I will not squander the money as they assume their children will do. I don't want this and have said so, but they aren't listening. I know wills can change, but if I do end up inheriting, would I be wrong if I just give the money and houses to their children? Would you?

Suggest a trust where their children cannot access most of $$ except in small increments over time where they will hopefully mature.

This. Aunt and Uncle have enough money to hire a good estate planning attorney who can set this thing up.

And if they've already hired that attorney to do their estate plan, if they're that set against their kids getting the money and property they probably have it set up so that the kids aren't next in line if OP declines the inheritance.

Also, OP? I'm confused about "aunt and uncle (siblings)." Who is whose sibling here? The aunt and uncle aren't brother and sister who have kids together...right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle (siblings) have decided that their children are irresponsible and so they want to leave their assets (one is high 7 figures) and real estate to me. They think because I am their version of responsible I will not squander the money as they assume their children will do. I don't want this and have said so, but they aren't listening. I know wills can change, but if I do end up inheriting, would I be wrong if I just give the money and houses to their children? Would you?

Question: if OP does just give the money and property to their children will OP then be responsible for taxes as I am assuming the amounts given would be well above the annual gift limits?

No. OP can disclaim the inheritance which will trigger it to automatically go to the next in line, which should be the kids.

You don't know that the next in line are the kids

you can find out before you disclaim