Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely normal.

He’s in there gaming and beating off. Typical for a 16 yo boy.

No, it simply isn't except for oddball kids.

My 16 year old son and his friends all work 20-40 hours per week and hang out together on a regular basis. No one is holed up in their bedrooms.

Stop trying to normalize this behavior.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but it simply isn't typical and it isn't healthy.

Agreed. I think it’s so bizarre so many parents have convinced themselves this is normal and typical. I know a lot of teenagers and they all hang out with friends in real life. Most multiple times a week.

It’s normal to be in the bedroom rather than hanging out in the rest of the house, but I think never seeing friends in person is concerning, personally.

DS 17 works 30 hrs/week, hangs out with his friends, and swims on the summer swim team but whenever he is home, he is in his room.

If he was in his room all day/all summer, I would be concerned. But he is active and social - so his time in his room is his down time.

I have 14yo and 12yo sons. My 14yo mostly stays in his room when home. He has hung out with his friends once this summer. He does play tennis and golf and sees teammates. He was like this when he was 12. He is not a gamer so he doesn’t play with his friends online. He does seem to text and Snapchat but not a ton.

My 12yo is ultra social and hangs out with friends in person and online multiple times per week. I am sure he will continue to be social when he is a teen.

I think it’s typical but not healthy.

My teen stepsons don’t volunteer or have jobs or do any activities. They are in their rooms except for meals. They have bikes and a local pool that they never use. One never sees friends. One has seen friends twice this summer. They don’t have jobs. They don’t have chores. Don’t even put their dishes in the dishwasher. A few times a year they mow the lawn. They see extended family a couple times a month. That’s it.

They do get mostly As in mostly high level classes. They refuse to study for the SAT tho.

Their dad has let them sleep with their iPhones since they were ten so yes they have devices in their bedroom.

I think it’s incredibly unhealthy and depressing. They are not very happy kids. One is medium happy and the other has had depression.

As the step parent, this is NOT how I would have raised them. But it’s not my call. It’s painful to watch. I do insist that when I cook they have to eat either in the dining room with us or on the porch with us. No eating meals in rooms.

Anonymous wrote:I only have 1 child, a 16 yo son. He rarely comes from his room other than to eat and say good morning. I would like him to spend some time out of his room other than eating meals. Is this normal? How do you engage a son at this age?

He does volunteer work that he enjoys about 12 hours a week; plays soccer twice a week; has an online tutor; is attending hour long sessions on how to prepare for college (which I signed him up for) so he's not inside and playing games and mindless youtube videos all day. He does not see any friends live, but texts and snapchats them daily too. We watch a show together a few nights a week, at my suggestion.

Will someone please reality check me? What is reasonable?
Do you have expectations that your teen not be in room all day?
If so, what do you expect? How do you engage?

TIA.

I have one son and he's also 16. He's only in his room when sleeping or relaxing - he works at our swim/tennis club, hangs out with his friends, cooks and plays his sport. I basically told him I didn't want him hanging around the house during the summer, these are his summers to cherish. During the school year, he does most of his school work in our kitchen nook where he stores his textbooks so he's not in his bedroom all that much.

He goes a private high school in DC and most his friends live near us, which I know he's very fortunate to have this setup. And since he spends money during the school yea in DC, my husband & I insisted he works during the summers. He does love working and is with his friends. I would push your son to get out more and have fun. Is he driving?

OP, I can relate - my son is 15. If he has a girlfriend, he goes out to see that person, but he doesn't seem to make a big effort to get together with male friends (maybe twice a month max), and when he is single, he is in his room a LOT. We do insist he come down and make conversation at dinner time, and he will occasionally play sports with DH, but it's a lot of room time.

Is it normal? A lot of teens seek privacy from their families. That is normal. Allowing him to be in there all day every day is not normal. Most kids are out working at age 16. I wouldn't allow my son to be in there all day. He had a FT summer job that summer and every summer since. I don't think it's healthy for kids not to interact with other people.

Anonymous wrote:I only have 1 child, a 16 yo son. He rarely comes from his room other than to eat and say good morning. I would like him to spend some time out of his room other than eating meals. Is this normal? How do you engage a son at this age?

He does volunteer work that he enjoys about 12 hours a week; plays soccer twice a week; has an online tutor; is attending hour long sessions on how to prepare for college (which I signed him up for) so he's not inside and playing games and mindless youtube videos all day. He does not see any friends live, but texts and snapchats them daily too. We watch a show together a few nights a week, at my suggestion.

Will someone please reality check me? What is reasonable?
Do you have expectations that your teen not be in room all day?
If so, what do you expect? How do you engage?

TIA.

If he is naturally an introvert, this sounds pretty normal. Especially after COVID when many kids got used to just having online friends. You can coordinate some fun family activities if you want to get him out of his room more. I take my son on a couple of long weekend trips each summer.

If he is naturally an extrovert, I would be a little more concerned. My son was like this and it was from being friendless (a bunch of reasons for that, not the least of which was changing schools after COVID). When he did finally get a friend set, he started going out much more regularly. But he is extroverted and needs that human interaction much more often.

Anonymous wrote:Yes. You have to force them to come out.

Sounds like this kid comes out of his room plenty. It seems age appropriate to not be glued to mom and dad all day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I only have 1 child, a 16 yo son. He rarely comes from his room other than to eat and say good morning. I would like him to spend some time out of his room other than eating meals. Is this normal? How do you engage a son at this age?

He does volunteer work that he enjoys about 12 hours a week; plays soccer twice a week; has an online tutor; is attending hour long sessions on how to prepare for college (which I signed him up for) so he's not inside and playing games and mindless youtube videos all day. He does not see any friends live, but texts and snapchats them daily too. We watch a show together a few nights a week, at my suggestion.

Will someone please reality check me? What is reasonable?
Do you have expectations that your teen not be in room all day?
If so, what do you expect? How do you engage?

TIA.

OP, your son who is "in his room all day":
-volunteers 12 hrs/week
-plays soccer twice a week
-has an online tutor
-attends hour-long college prep classes
-watches a show with you multiple times a week

(Sincerely) what would you like him to do?

+1 yeah OP this is good for a 16 YO. Not sure what more you are looking for.

OP again—

I’m pleased with son. Would like him to spend time in the living room some and be more engaged.

OP you're starting this "family bonding time wish" a little too late.

I have two teen sons and we always had a rule of no electronics in the bedrooms. The TV, computers and charging stations are all on the main floor/family area so they really don't spend much time in their rooms.

We have gaming area and a big comfy couch in the family room. We also torn a wall down and made an open area between the kitchen and family room so we're always all "together". The boys love it because is also easy access to the kitchen.

Since your teen is probably used to gravitating to his room I would start by asking him to eat dinner together then move to watching a movie/series together and go from there.

Normal!

He's separating from Mom and Dad, very normal and expected development, and this is one of the ways teens his age can do it. Both of my kids, very involved with their sports, had plenty of friends, did well in school, yada yada yada, did this at 16. My son played a lot of Fortnite (is that still a thing?) with friends in our basement, my DD spends a lot of time on Facetime with her friends in her room, snapping friends, "organizing" her room, etc. Anything to avoid Mom and Dad.

I did it too at 16, back in the 80s, only it was pulling the family phone into my room and talking with friends behind a closed door for as long as I could get away with.

What does he do in the room all day?

Seems normal and age-appropriate to me. As long as he isn't shirking his other responsibilities, let him do what he wants.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Completely normal.

He’s in there gaming and beating off. Typical for a 16 yo boy.

No, it simply isn't except for oddball kids.

My 16 year old son and his friends all work 20-40 hours per week and hang out together on a regular basis. No one is holed up in their bedrooms.

Stop trying to normalize this behavior.
I'm not trying to be a jerk but it simply isn't typical and it isn't healthy.

So you think whatever your son and his friends do is normal. Curious how you know this? And something can be typical and not healthy.