Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's been your experience and how to avoid it? How can offspring's help without disrupting their own lives? How can government help? How can all of us help as society to give people comfort and dignity when they are helpless?

My mom was at a local place that was nearly $9k a month more than a decade ago. My siblings and I dropped in to visit our mom unannounced on a regular—like at least several times a week if not daily at all hours of day and night. I held meetings w staff regularly, wrote to ombudsman etc.

Gave CNA’s gifts (checks and other), required that she be assigned regular CNA’s when they worked. Not random CNA’s —after finding soiled diapers in her sink. And I still came in one day to find her with a huge edema on her lip. Her lip was hanging down at least 2 inches and was swollen. Someone either hit or dropped her. I’m guessing they hit her given she was not brushed elsewhere on her face. It was horrible and no one could/would answer. She could not speak (dementia)

She most likely fell. When dementia has really progressed elderly people don’t automatically put out their arms anymore to break their fall so they can land on their face or break a hip.

If she had fallen on her face enough to cause that much swelling there would be other bruises or marks on her face. I don’t buy that she fell. And if she fell she wasn’t alone. She was no longer walking at the point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's been your experience and how to avoid it? How can offspring's help without disrupting their own lives? How can government help? How can all of us help as society to give people comfort and dignity when they are helpless?

My mom was at a local place that was nearly $9k a month more than a decade ago. My siblings and I dropped in to visit our mom unannounced on a regular—like at least several times a week if not daily at all hours of day and night. I held meetings w staff regularly, wrote to ombudsman etc.

Gave CNA’s gifts (checks and other), required that she be assigned regular CNA’s when they worked. Not random CNA’s —after finding soiled diapers in her sink. And I still came in one day to find her with a huge edema on her lip. Her lip was hanging down at least 2 inches and was swollen. Someone either hit or dropped her. I’m guessing they hit her given she was not brushed elsewhere on her face. It was horrible and no one could/would answer. She could not speak (dementia)

She most likely fell. When dementia has really progressed elderly people don’t automatically put out their arms anymore to break their fall so they can land on their face or break a hip.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's been your experience and how to avoid it? How can offspring's help without disrupting their own lives? How can government help? How can all of us help as society to give people comfort and dignity when they are helpless?

My mom was at a local place that was nearly $9k a month more than a decade ago. My siblings and I dropped in to visit our mom unannounced on a regular—like at least several times a week if not daily at all hours of day and night. I held meetings w staff regularly, wrote to ombudsman etc.

Gave CNA’s gifts (checks and other), required that she be assigned regular CNA’s when they worked. Not random CNA’s —after finding soiled diapers in her sink. And I still came in one day to find her with a huge edema on her lip. Her lip was hanging down at least 2 inches and was swollen. Someone either hit or dropped her. I’m guessing they hit her given she was not brushed elsewhere on her face. It was horrible and no one could/would answer. She could not speak (dementia)

PP again, I was kind to staff, praised and appreciated them often and they knew I was serious about my mothers care. Of course they would not care for her as well as I would like--like they aren't gonna brush her hair, read to her, play her music etc. And, I could not care for her either. Even with all of this, no place is perfect. You can't just drop a family member off and expect that they will be cared for. I really felt for the residence who I never saw anyone visit or who had visitors rarely.

Anonymous wrote:What's been your experience and how to avoid it? How can offspring's help without disrupting their own lives? How can government help? How can all of us help as society to give people comfort and dignity when they are helpless?

My mom was at a local place that was nearly $9k a month more than a decade ago. My siblings and I dropped in to visit our mom unannounced on a regular—like at least several times a week if not daily at all hours of day and night. I held meetings w staff regularly, wrote to ombudsman etc.

Gave CNA’s gifts (checks and other), required that she be assigned regular CNA’s when they worked. Not random CNA’s —after finding soiled diapers in her sink. And I still came in one day to find her with a huge edema on her lip. Her lip was hanging down at least 2 inches and was swollen. Someone either hit or dropped her. I’m guessing they hit her given she was not brushed elsewhere on her face. It was horrible and no one could/would answer. She could not speak (dementia)

^ I've done both. Personally cared for elders at home and in facilities.

You are wrong when you say most nursing homes want to do the same things. They don't. They are owned by corporations who have the bottom line, which is not the same thing.

Have you spent considerable time talking to nurses, CNAs? Probably not. They will all tell you they are stretched beyond the point of being able to provide good care. They will tell you that new hires are very often not properly vetted. Many don't speak English well enough to understand a resident saying they don't feel well, nor basic questions or requests for help.

I would be curious if any of those that have comment about the terrible care in nursing homes, actually spent any time caring for an elderly person in their own home? Did the person have any cognitive decline? Mobility issues? Heart, lung or other significant health concerns? Were you also working full time and caring for your own children?

I don't argue that they can be over medicated, but what I have seen with my family members - a combination of cognitive decline and medications - often has them "power down" - even without medications at a certain point they power down.

I use to care for my father in my home, and he fell - right in front of me and broke his hip. I was glad I was home, but it could have happened when I left for 20 minutes for an errand. So while I do, and have seen awful conditions, I also think that there is more to the story - you might not know the full extent of the elders health issues or needs. They might not want to get out of bed, they might not want to go outside for a walk, they might not want to eat. As a caregiver I can say I have spent a lot of time trying to do all of those things. And I'm sure most nursing homes do the same. Its almost impossible to get or afford 1:1 care 24/7.

Make the visits even more random by having different family members go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They dope them up and leave em in wheelchairs all day. Very sad.

Clearly, you know absolutely nothing about how it works in long term care facilities

PP - saw it for myself. You are the one who is ill-informed.

Anonymous wrote:I used to work in one years ago and I am sure not that much has changed:

(1) As others said, visit often and unpredictably
(2) When you visit be SUPER NICE to everyone, but also complain when it is warranted. Start out with, “I know you can’t control everything…” or “I completely understand how…. And I was wondering” (if something really bad is happening, of course, be more forceful and direct about it)
(3) I don’t know if this is allowed these days, but families who would occasionally bring in donuts, etc for floor staff were a big hit
(4) Make connections with other families who visit their loved ones often. If they know you are friendly and talk, whenever the other family is around, they will assume they will report to you if they notice anything untoward with your family member. Don’t underestimate the power of this.

+1 very helpful, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:They dope them up and leave em in wheelchairs all day. Very sad.

Clearly, you know absolutely nothing about how it works in long term care facilities

Anonymous wrote:Are there any places with, or would allow, remote video monitoring?

Absolutely not.