Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:51     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Also if your ex-wife’s husband is really your “best friend”, then yeah, i’m guessing you do have boundary issues.


I am more interested in knowing how this happened.


This is seriously the most interesting throwaway line I’ve ever read on DCUM.

OP please come back and explain!
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:51     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.


Of course he does, they've been dating for 3 years. He can do better. Get rid of her, OP.



Maybe he can start dating you. You both give overreact almost comically hysterical and have no appreciation for reasonable boundaries.


You mean like the heads up when someone is coming over?


OP said “She said they needed to call first or be invited.” And also that she wants to limit their time there.

Honestly, most non-parents are never going to fully grasp that kids (even as adults) will always be your kids, not guests.



Um parent here and request is totally reasonable.
Do you and your siblings and spouses just roll up to your parents house hop in the pool and bring friends whenever you want?
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:49     Subject: Re:Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:My husband of 20 years... still gives me a heads up if someone is coming over. Or if he's going out, or when he expects to be home. Isn't this what normal people do? In what world is it ever okay for your kids to come and go without any communication, and even worse, to bring other people over without any heads up? That's just rude.

OP if you can't put this minimal level of polite behavior on your kids, you're a jerk.



Thank you!. I'm glad someone here can be honest and objective.

I was rolling my eyes at some of these responses that are clearly people projecting their issues with their stepmom new wife on the situation.

I was expecting to read that the girlfriend was saying he shouldn't have visitation with his kids or that he should only see them once a month or something else ridiculous.
But her view is more than reasonable.

Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:49     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:I think you weren’t very considerate of her feelings but I agree her request was wrong.

Can you go to her and say “I’m sorry - I think I overreacted to your request. It’s non-negotiable to me that limits be placed on my kids’ access to the house but if you can live with it, I would still like you to move in. But in doing so, you should know this is never going to change, so you do need to get on board with this lifestyle.”

It’s less aggressive than the way you spoke to her previously .


This is still way too aggressive. OP's girlfriend deserves better
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:48     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.


Of course he does, they've been dating for 3 years. He can do better. Get rid of her, OP.



Maybe he can start dating you. You both give overreact almost comically hysterical and have no appreciation for reasonable boundaries.


You mean like the heads up when someone is coming over?


OP said “She said they needed to call first or be invited.” And also that she wants to limit their time there.

Honestly, most non-parents are never going to fully grasp that kids (even as adults) will always be your kids, not guests.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:48     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
I think you weren’t very considerate of her feelings but I agree her request was wrong.

Can you go to her and say “I’m sorry - I think I overreacted to your request. It’s non-negotiable to me that limits be placed on my kids’ access to the house but if you can live with it, I would still like you to move in. But in doing so, you should know this is never going to change, so you do need to get on board with this lifestyle.”

It’s less aggressive than the way you spoke to her previously .
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:47     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:I have young adult children who are still in college but live on their own but my ex wife and I still support them. They have been coming over more than usual (mostly weekends) because I have a pool not necessarily to visit me. lol Sometimes they bring their friends.

My kids can come over whenever they want and don't have to call or knock. They have keys to the house. It has never occurred to me to ask them to call first. Its a very foreign concept to me to do otherwise.

I have a gf and we have been together 3 years and she stays over a lot. Maybe 4/7 days a week. We have talked about her moving in but she told me I needed to create some boundaries with my kids. She said they needed to call first or be invited. Maybe not come over quite so much and to limit how long they stayed and limit their pool time.

I told her she was being offensive and she would never ever dictate anything regarding my kids. The way I looked at it we could either break up or keep the status quo of living separately. She started crying and she told me our family dynamics were not normal. I told her since she had no children she could not make that judgment. I was talking to my ex wife husband who is also my best friend and asked him for advice. He said he is the same way with his kids and if my ex wife ever came to him with that garbage he would divorce her and is sure she would do the same.

Am I off base here? I really think I need to break up with her. This has never been an issue before.


You are not off base, your kids should always come first!
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:46     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:Also if your ex-wife’s husband is really your “best friend”, then yeah, i’m guessing you do have boundary issues.


I am more interested in knowing how this happened.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:44     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.


Of course he does, they've been dating for 3 years. He can do better. Get rid of her, OP.



Maybe he can start dating you. You both give overreact almost comically hysterical and have no appreciation for reasonable boundaries.


You mean like the heads up when someone is coming over?
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:43     Subject: Re:Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:Why would she not get a say in who comes over to her home and when?? If she moves in, it's her home too. Of course she deserves a heads up when she will have guests!


They’re not guests. They’re OP’s kids. OP is never going to treat them like guests. Maybe a rule could be set up about a heads up if they bring a friend over. But the kids are family and likely consider their dad’s house “home” the way many young adult children do when they are first launching.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:43     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.


Of course he does, they've been dating for 3 years. He can do better. Get rid of her, OP.



Maybe he can start dating you. You both give overreact almost comically hysterical and have no appreciation for reasonable boundaries.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:43     Subject: Re:Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
My husband of 20 years... still gives me a heads up if someone is coming over. Or if he's going out, or when he expects to be home. Isn't this what normal people do? In what world is it ever okay for your kids to come and go without any communication, and even worse, to bring other people over without any heads up? That's just rude.

OP if you can't put this minimal level of polite behavior on your kids, you're a jerk.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:40     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.


Of course he does, they've been dating for 3 years. He can do better. Get rid of her, OP.


Not judging by his post, he doesn't. His knee-jerk reaction screams immaturity.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:39     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.


Of course he does, they've been dating for 3 years. He can do better. Get rid of her, OP.
Anonymous
Post 07/06/2023 16:31     Subject: Was I wrong in telling my girlfriend she has no say when my kids come over?
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are 100% right. I think you need to break up with her because she has no idea what being a parent is.


And apparently, he has no idea what being a partner is.