This is my parents and it is a nightmare. My dad is a stock hoarder. But he refuses to use a brokerage account. So he has all these stocks sold through various companies’ direct purchase plans, each of which has its own login and username. He has them (supposedly) written down in his Rolodex in his illegible writing and filed in said Rolodex in a way that is mind boggling. I’ve sat with him for days on end trying to make sense of it and I think we’ve made it through roughly 1/4. I’m ready to pull out my hair. I don’t know what I will do when he dies as my mother just hasn’t a clue and jokingly (she’s not kidding though) says I’ll be in charge then.

He likes to invest in stocks until he has a minimum of 100 shares of each one he owns. Being a generally frugal guy who started this hobby in his early 20s and is now 80, the sheer number of these accounts is overwhelming. And he keeps buying more!!!

Wife is horrible with money.

I had to fight tooth and nail with her just to get her to contribute the amount needed to obtain the max match from her company. All she looks at is how anything affects her take home pay and if anything changes to makemit go down she views it as 'bad'. She has such an infantile understanding of money.

I also have to constantly run credit checks on her because she has zero qualms about racking up thousands in charges on a credit card with 27.7% APR. I cannot keep constantly tracking how she spends and racks up charges, so I have to watch our debt like a hawk. It is tiresome. If I die, she will probably blow all of money I've saved in my lifetime in trips, restaurants, and other stupid stuff. She'd probably balloon her debt then try to move abroad when she can't handle it anymore since she has dual citizenship.

I do most of the financial management and my wife is not very involved. I update her at times and she can obviously log into the primary bank account and credit card account, but she isn't involved with investments.

Interestingly she recently said something like 'if you died, i wouldn't know where our money is or how to access it'. I replied with, 'your name is on all of the accounts and the statements come in the mail', so i think she would eventually figure it out, but i also think it's fair to make it as easy as possible. I said I would create a file or folder with all of the relevant information. I googled, and there are lots of examples of how to do this - google 'In the event of my death' folder, or similar.

Anonymous wrote:DH isn't really interested. I used to handle everything 100% and he realized how disconnected he was so now he handles paying the day-to-day bills but still relies on me to monitor bank balances, handle investments, savings, be aware of the budget. That's fine. I like doing it.

If I got hit by a bus, we have a book that lists the accounts and their passwords.

FWIW, it's been this way when I was a SAHM, when we both worked with similar salaries, and now that he's retired and I'm working full time.

DH isn't really interested. I used to handle everything 100% and he realized how disconnected he was so now he handles paying the day-to-day bills but still relies on me to monitor bank balances, handle investments, savings, be aware of the budget. That's fine. I like doing it.

If I got hit by a bus, we have a book that lists the accounts and their passwords.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why? Because the wife holds the reins and can therefore strategically save to leave one day?

PP who posted that, and nope, it's because women don't respect men who are not obsessed enough with money and supporting them. Just in the last few posts, women have said the following:

"When there are dollar signs, his poor little brain goes to mush....I kind of hate him for it."

"He’s completely dumb about investing....Good thing we have me."

No men have posted such things because they don't view their wives as ATMs to support their lifestyle.

I'm the pp who said DH is dumb about investing and good thing we have me. I definitely don't view DH as an ATM to fund our lifestyle and never have. I always knew I'd make a lot of money and I do. It's true, though, that I don't respect him as much as I would if he were better at earning and managing money. But I love him, we've been married 20+ years and still bang 3x/week.

LOL. Was that detail necessary? You know desperate guys are willing to hit anything that moves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why? Because the wife holds the reins and can therefore strategically save to leave one day?

PP who posted that, and nope, it's because women don't respect men who are not obsessed enough with money and supporting them. Just in the last few posts, women have said the following:

"When there are dollar signs, his poor little brain goes to mush....I kind of hate him for it."

"He’s completely dumb about investing....Good thing we have me."

No men have posted such things because they don't view their wives as ATMs to support their lifestyle.

I'm the pp who said DH is dumb about investing and good thing we have me. I definitely don't view DH as an ATM to fund our lifestyle and never have. I always knew I'd make a lot of money and I do. It's true, though, that I don't respect him as much as I would if he were better at earning and managing money. But I love him, we've been married 20+ years and still bang 3x/week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know some marriages where the spouse has no clue or very little knowledge about how much money, where it’s invested, etc. I handle the money in our house but I keep my spouse informed. If your spouse knows little to nothing, how did that come about, and what will they do if you die

We keep our finances separate. We have one joint checking account that is used to pay the housing bills. We have a prenup and also my will states clearly what happens if I die.

What happens if you're hit by a bus and have a brain injury? What is the incapacity plan?

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why do you presume that those posting about their husbands are all women in this forum?

I tell DH what we have often but he just doesn’t care. What drives me crazy is the financial decisions I can’t really see… like I didn’t know he wasn’t contributing to his 401k because his statements are now electronic. DH is actually frugal and knows a lot about money but he’s also got ADHD and no follow-through.

DW cares about the big picture but doesnt care about the day to day like I do. I handle bills and monthly accounting down to the penny and then send her an email monthly with a summary. The accounting is a bit overkill as our HHI is pretty high now but it's a good habit I started when our incomes were much lower.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why? Because the wife holds the reins and can therefore strategically save to leave one day?

PP who posted that, and nope, it's because women don't respect men who are not obsessed enough with money and supporting them. Just in the last few posts, women have said the following:

"When there are dollar signs, his poor little brain goes to mush....I kind of hate him for it."

"He’s completely dumb about investing....Good thing we have me."

No men have posted such things because they don't view their wives as ATMs to support their lifestyle.

That's a pretty interesting point. Those are pretty strong statements. Generally speaking, husbands in charge of $ wouldn't think much of it.

Anonymous wrote:I know some marriages where the spouse has no clue or very little knowledge about how much money, where it’s invested, etc. I handle the money in our house but I keep my spouse informed. If your spouse knows little to nothing, how did that come about, and what will they do if you die

We keep our finances separate. We have one joint checking account that is used to pay the housing bills. We have a prenup and also my will states clearly what happens if I die.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be willing to bet a lot of money that the "husband is clueless about finances" marriages are weaker than the equal or "wife is clueless about finances" marriages.

Why? Because the wife holds the reins and can therefore strategically save to leave one day?

PP who posted that, and nope, it's because women don't respect men who are not obsessed enough with money and supporting them. Just in the last few posts, women have said the following:

"When there are dollar signs, his poor little brain goes to mush....I kind of hate him for it."

"He’s completely dumb about investing....Good thing we have me."

No men have posted such things because they don't view their wives as ATMs to support their lifestyle.

That’s a stretch! My DH is clueless and I sometimes am frustrated with him - bc I want someone to share the burden of making the numbers work with. Bc I am tired of him asking the kids if they want to see France and jus expecting me to make it work somehow. But I am the breadwinner by far in addition to the money manager, so I would hardly say I see him as an ATM.

I handle all of our day to day finances and DH is aware of the big picture. Last year I was unexpectedly hospitalized off and on for several months and bills that were not on autopay did not get paid. Kids were not signed up for any summer camps, garbage pickup stopped coming, it was a bad situation to come back from the hospital to.