Anonymous
07/01/2023 14:17
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:So the kid is depressed and suicidal sitting on your porch crying and you just gave him some hotline #s and left him on your porch and asked dcum what to do? Just because you smelled weed?
+1 unbelievable. I’ve read a lot of cruelty on this site, but this goes to new levels.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 14:14
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Are people just glancing over what IP wrote:
The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely.
OP’s child has family members who are addicts and/or have addictive personalities. No way, no how should OP be allowing/encouraging her son to hang out with this kid. I would never allow a kid who is providing alcohol and/or drugs to my 16 year old to enter my house.
OP with the fentanyl crisis it is even more risky. Save your own kid first.
The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely.
OP’s child has family members who are addicts and/or have addictive personalities. No way, no how should OP be allowing/encouraging her son to hang out with this kid. I would never allow a kid who is providing alcohol and/or drugs to my 16 year old to enter my house.
OP with the fentanyl crisis it is even more risky. Save your own kid first.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 14:09
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
I can’t fathom the cruelty necessary to put out a suicidal child because of the crime of smelling like weed.
This may be the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum.
This may be the worst thing I’ve ever read on dcum.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 14:08
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
We're all making assumptions here, and OP might be making a ton of them as well.
Mental health disorders run in families because they're genetically inherited. It's VERY common for people to self-medicate when they do not know about (or have a hard time managing) their mental health disorder. Notably ADHD, anxiety, depression. Those are the big ones, and often they don't come singly. And if the disorders are not properly treated, and drugs are in the mix, there is the danger of abuse and exploitation. For all you know, this kid might be the victim of more than being offered drugs. Which might also explain the emotional issue.
I don't have a solution, OP, but I hope you will always frame your reactions to drugs and alcohol from the context of long-term health and success, not shame and guilt. That since this is your child's friend, that you will look for ways to get him a full medical check-up, and get him to open up to counselors at school, instead of knee-jerking your way to banishment.
Separately, someone who lives with weed-smoking people will likely smell of weed.
Mental health disorders run in families because they're genetically inherited. It's VERY common for people to self-medicate when they do not know about (or have a hard time managing) their mental health disorder. Notably ADHD, anxiety, depression. Those are the big ones, and often they don't come singly. And if the disorders are not properly treated, and drugs are in the mix, there is the danger of abuse and exploitation. For all you know, this kid might be the victim of more than being offered drugs. Which might also explain the emotional issue.
I don't have a solution, OP, but I hope you will always frame your reactions to drugs and alcohol from the context of long-term health and success, not shame and guilt. That since this is your child's friend, that you will look for ways to get him a full medical check-up, and get him to open up to counselors at school, instead of knee-jerking your way to banishment.
Separately, someone who lives with weed-smoking people will likely smell of weed.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 13:57
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.
Doesn’t really change things. Sadly I think you are like most people. They look the other way when someone needs help. I had a disabled child live with me for a year while her mother recovered from serious illness. I’ll always feel good about that. I made a difference in their lives. You can do the same.
It’s hard to compare taking in a disabled child and taking in a teenager with drug/alcohol addiction and mental illness. I don’t know your situation, but taking in this child could come with some severe repercussions for OPs family. My neighbors when I was a child, who are the kindest people with access to lots of resources, adopted a teen with drug issues. Things got messy and violent. He is now an adult, they are no longer in touch with him, and showed up their house a month ago with a gun demanding money. Thankfully another neighbor saw him pull up and called the police, no one was hurt.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 13:47
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.
Doesn’t really change things. Sadly I think you are like most people. They look the other way when someone needs help. I had a disabled child live with me for a year while her mother recovered from serious illness. I’ll always feel good about that. I made a difference in their lives. You can do the same.
You can think anything about me that you'd like. I was looking for the best of DCUM that night - help from someone who has been there and done that. This place can be a valuable resource or it can be a toxic dump.
Just because I chose to help in a different way doesn't mean I didn't help. But my first responsibility is to my family.
I agree with you OP. It is such a tough situation. Mental illness and drugs during the teen years are a complex issue. Even teens with amazing support networks can get end up with severe issues, and you are absolutely right to put your family and teens first. It sounds like your took action, and asking on DCUM shows that you weren’t just kicking him out and going about your business without any concern. I hope you found some useful answers. I also hope the child and his family are able to get the supprt they need.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 13:28
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.
Doesn’t really change things. Sadly I think you are like most people. They look the other way when someone needs help. I had a disabled child live with me for a year while her mother recovered from serious illness. I’ll always feel good about that. I made a difference in their lives. You can do the same.
You can think anything about me that you'd like. I was looking for the best of DCUM that night - help from someone who has been there and done that. This place can be a valuable resource or it can be a toxic dump.
Just because I chose to help in a different way doesn't mean I didn't help. But my first responsibility is to my family.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 08:24
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call CPS. That is a nightmare for the kid. Can you take him in? He needs a stable grown up.
DP
If you can take him in do. But I wouldn't. I'm at capacity with my 2 kids and the dog. I'd call CPS and continue tol follow up and be an adult in his life (without taking responsibility for him).
Anonymous
07/01/2023 08:12
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
OK op but you still sound pretty heartless. It’s not like he was lighting a joint in your house. Poor kid.
OP clearly stated this kid is supplying the other kids in his friends group with drugs and alcohol. OP’s kids are at risk for substance problems. OP’s first duty is to protect her kids, not be this kid’s foster mom/social worker.
If the kid were on my porch and possibly suicidal, I’d request EMS to take him to the ER and ket the hospital sort it out.
Anonymous
07/01/2023 06:20
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.
Doesn’t really change things. Sadly I think you are like most people. They look the other way when someone needs help. I had a disabled child live with me for a year while her mother recovered from serious illness. I’ll always feel good about that. I made a difference in their lives. You can do the same.
Anonymous
06/30/2023 22:05
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call CPS. That is a nightmare for the kid. Can you take him in? He needs a stable grown up.
Plus 1
He isn't a stray dog. People cant "just take a kid in." What the hell are you suggesting? They may be potheads, she thinks, btw, we don't know, but they are legal parents. Yes, if she suspects drugs, CPS needs to be called, and that is the law- OP is actually legally negligent by not doing so. Then decisions will be made for him with his input
No, she's not taking him in. What an absurd comment.
A youth can be taken in with parental consent or legal emancipation.
Neighbors aren't mandated reporters for abuse.
Before you take a troubled kid in, you have to be sure your family can handle it. A family member took a 16 year old in. The kid used heroin. The family member’s kid became addicted. The kid they took in overdosed. Their kid is now an adult addict. I think they have no greater regret than not having thought this through. As a concerned outsider, this was predictable. It’s hard to be part of this because I love them all so much.
Anonymous
06/30/2023 21:44
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t call CPS. That is a nightmare for the kid. Can you take him in? He needs a stable grown up.
Plus 1
He isn't a stray dog. People cant "just take a kid in." What the hell are you suggesting? They may be potheads, she thinks, btw, we don't know, but they are legal parents. Yes, if she suspects drugs, CPS needs to be called, and that is the law- OP is actually legally negligent by not doing so. Then decisions will be made for him with his input
No, she's not taking him in. What an absurd comment.
A youth can be taken in with parental consent or legal emancipation.
Neighbors aren't mandated reporters for abuse.
Right, she's just going to hand over her kid to this lady, is that right? And who is going to start and pay for emancipation proceedings. So many nut jobs on here today. Yes, it is her obligation to report her suspicions. And she may be wrong. But if she's right, she needs to go through proper channels.
Anonymous
06/30/2023 13:56
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.
In your OP, you said you didn't know what to do and that you felt helpless. It sounds like you have already done what you were willing to do and are setting the boundaries you think are important for your family. That is fine and your right to do. But those boundaries, for this child in this situation, were hurtful and cold. You don't need help figuring out what to do - you need to get right with setting limits on what you are willing to do. You are also not helpless - you are choosing to intervene in the ways that are comfortable to you, but not in all the ways possible. That's fine. Get right with your choices.
Also, leaving out information that meaningfully changes your situation ("I didn't just throw him out immediately and close the door") and then blaming a concern about privacy is a copout. You gave away nothing in your OP, and adding in detail about how you were nicer to the child in crisis than your OP indicated doesn't compromise your privacy at all. Own your decisions.
Anonymous
06/30/2023 13:32
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.
OK op but you still sound pretty heartless. It’s not like he was lighting a joint in your house. Poor kid.
Anonymous
06/30/2023 13:23
Subject: Mom keeps giving teen drugs
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The mom has a medical marijuana card and I think both parents are alcoholics. The kid is in my son’s friend group and often supplies the kids with drugs and alcohol; that his parents give him freely. Yes that’s a whole other issue I am trying to address.
But I am posting because the kid is also depressed and possibly suicidal. I know this because I just kicked him out of my house for smelling like weed. and he is sitting on the front porch crying. I gave him a few resources including the Everymind text number here in MoCo. Mobile Crisis Team number and 988. But what else can I do?
The drugs have to stop because they aren’t helping. But I feel the kid is doomed if his parents are enabling him. I just feel helpless. Way in over my head.
Wow, OP, you are a HORRIBLE PERSON.
A child who you know, who is friends with your child, is struggling such that you believe he is suicidal and your response is to kick him out and give him a hotline to text?
How about NOT kicking him out and talking to him? How about not making the problem worse? You are not helpless. You are an adult. He is a child who is not being parented by his parents and is being coldly sent to cry on the porch by a potentially supportive adult.
I think you should look in the mirror and think about who you really want to be in this situation.
Step back a bit. You judge instead of asking clarifying questions. Although I realize that's how DCUM usually goes.
I didn't post everything because I don't want it to be completely recognizable. I have a zero tolerance rule about drugs and alcohol in my house. We have addiction issues in our family and my spouse is a recovering alcoholic. I also have teens to protect from those addiction risks. The entire revelation about this kid's situation started with my kicking him out, but it occurred over hours. I didn't immediately know the whole story when I saw him crying. That's when I started asking more questions. But I purposefully left out a detailed timeline and my methods of communication with him.
Having said that, I know many will want to cross examine my post, looking for flaws, and tear me apart instead of trying to help me help this kid. So this is my only clarifying post. I have been in contact with the crisis center. I didn't really want to go the CPS route and the center actually suggested something different. So that's what I'm doing.