Anonymous wrote:So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.

Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.

Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?

This is a really cruel way to treat your partner. It's petty and retaliatory. A healthy person is helpful and kind as a matter of principle and character; it's not used as a carrot or a stick to manipulate others.

Definitely do not fight the petty with petty. That will get you nothing but covered in mud. I'd ignore his tantrums as much as possible and ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling, I'd think long and hard about the future of the marriage.

And try to see the big picture. He doesn't seem to have the emotional tools to deal with criticism or conflict. So he lashes out to punish you for making him feel that way. His subconscious goal is to teach you not to upset him so he doesn't have to deal with those feelings. But obviously the healthy goal should be for him to parent himself so he can react like an adult during conflict. Depending on your relationship when you're not bickering, you might be able to bring this up . . . Hey, it seems like when we fight, you withdraw and stop being part of the family. That's hurtful and feels unfair to me. I'm curious about what you're feeling that makes you react like this . . . you know I still love you even when we have a fight, right?

Of course if we're dealing with a personality disorder rather than someone who's emotionally immature then a gentle conversation probably won't help anything.

Good luck, OP.

He's "lashing out"? LOL. He's just not doing chores for someone that treats him poorly.

He's not doing chores "for" her, he's a parent and he lives in a house and he eats food and wears clothes and so he has responsibilities. The "you can't make me" attitude is like having another child around to take care of.

Nope. If he doen't care about a messy house, a terrible yard or kids not doing anything other than watching TV then he is doing chores for her. Preumably she wnats the yard upkept and doesnt wnat to do all the driving to all teh sports/events. So maybe she should stop sucking unless she wnats to do it all.

And if they divorce? It will be the same. She'll do everything 50% of the time.

And the kids will hate her for causing their dad to move away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.

Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?

This is a really cruel way to treat your partner. It's petty and retaliatory. A healthy person is helpful and kind as a matter of principle and character; it's not used as a carrot or a stick to manipulate others.

Definitely do not fight the petty with petty. That will get you nothing but covered in mud. I'd ignore his tantrums as much as possible and ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling, I'd think long and hard about the future of the marriage.

And try to see the big picture. He doesn't seem to have the emotional tools to deal with criticism or conflict. So he lashes out to punish you for making him feel that way. His subconscious goal is to teach you not to upset him so he doesn't have to deal with those feelings. But obviously the healthy goal should be for him to parent himself so he can react like an adult during conflict. Depending on your relationship when you're not bickering, you might be able to bring this up . . . Hey, it seems like when we fight, you withdraw and stop being part of the family. That's hurtful and feels unfair to me. I'm curious about what you're feeling that makes you react like this . . . you know I still love you even when we have a fight, right?

Of course if we're dealing with a personality disorder rather than someone who's emotionally immature then a gentle conversation probably won't help anything.

Good luck, OP.

He's "lashing out"? LOL. He's just not doing chores for someone that treats him poorly.

He's not doing chores "for" her, he's a parent and he lives in a house and he eats food and wears clothes and so he has responsibilities. The "you can't make me" attitude is like having another child around to take care of.

Nope. If he doen't care about a messy house, a terrible yard or kids not doing anything other than watching TV then he is doing chores for her. Preumably she wnats the yard upkept and doesnt wnat to do all the driving to all teh sports/events. So maybe she should stop sucking unless she wnats to do it all.

And if they divorce? It will be the same. She'll do everything 50% of the time.

And the kids will hate her for causing their dad to move away.

HAHAHAHA nice try looser. So he doesn't sleep in the same sheets as her, doesn't use the same bathroom, doesn't eat out the same dishes. GTFO with that childish talk. He just wants her to keep doing it for him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.

Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?

This is a really cruel way to treat your partner. It's petty and retaliatory. A healthy person is helpful and kind as a matter of principle and character; it's not used as a carrot or a stick to manipulate others.

Definitely do not fight the petty with petty. That will get you nothing but covered in mud. I'd ignore his tantrums as much as possible and ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling, I'd think long and hard about the future of the marriage.

And try to see the big picture. He doesn't seem to have the emotional tools to deal with criticism or conflict. So he lashes out to punish you for making him feel that way. His subconscious goal is to teach you not to upset him so he doesn't have to deal with those feelings. But obviously the healthy goal should be for him to parent himself so he can react like an adult during conflict. Depending on your relationship when you're not bickering, you might be able to bring this up . . . Hey, it seems like when we fight, you withdraw and stop being part of the family. That's hurtful and feels unfair to me. I'm curious about what you're feeling that makes you react like this . . . you know I still love you even when we have a fight, right?

Of course if we're dealing with a personality disorder rather than someone who's emotionally immature then a gentle conversation probably won't help anything.

Good luck, OP.

He's "lashing out"? LOL. He's just not doing chores for someone that treats him poorly.

He's not doing chores "for" her, he's a parent and he lives in a house and he eats food and wears clothes and so he has responsibilities. The "you can't make me" attitude is like having another child around to take care of.

Nope. If he doen't care about a messy house, a terrible yard or kids not doing anything other than watching TV then he is doing chores for her. Preumably she wnats the yard upkept and doesnt wnat to do all the driving to all teh sports/events. So maybe she should stop sucking unless she wnats to do it all.

And if they divorce? It will be the same. She'll do everything 50% of the time.

And the kids will hate her for causing their dad to move away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.

Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?

This is a really cruel way to treat your partner. It's petty and retaliatory. A healthy person is helpful and kind as a matter of principle and character; it's not used as a carrot or a stick to manipulate others.

Definitely do not fight the petty with petty. That will get you nothing but covered in mud. I'd ignore his tantrums as much as possible and ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling, I'd think long and hard about the future of the marriage.

And try to see the big picture. He doesn't seem to have the emotional tools to deal with criticism or conflict. So he lashes out to punish you for making him feel that way. His subconscious goal is to teach you not to upset him so he doesn't have to deal with those feelings. But obviously the healthy goal should be for him to parent himself so he can react like an adult during conflict. Depending on your relationship when you're not bickering, you might be able to bring this up . . . Hey, it seems like when we fight, you withdraw and stop being part of the family. That's hurtful and feels unfair to me. I'm curious about what you're feeling that makes you react like this . . . you know I still love you even when we have a fight, right?

Of course if we're dealing with a personality disorder rather than someone who's emotionally immature then a gentle conversation probably won't help anything.

Good luck, OP.

He's "lashing out"? LOL. He's just not doing chores for someone that treats him poorly.

He's not doing chores "for" her, he's a parent and he lives in a house and he eats food and wears clothes and so he has responsibilities. The "you can't make me" attitude is like having another child around to take care of.

Anonymous wrote:The day I quit arguing with my husband was the day serenity and togetherness made our marriage stronger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dress in lingerie or whatever he finds irresistible, walk past him a couple of times and just walk away.

I am always surprised how immediate the effect is. He cannot apologize enough. I imagine I can get him to confess to pretty much anything I want.

I do this when I feel like it, not every time. Works every time I do it though.

What kind of cartoon do some of you people live in?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you even “want to be right” about? Was your initial argument about chores? My DH won’t clean and when I complain he says it’s because I micromanage him. He has cleaning methods that really irk me…is it really micromanaging when I ask him to use less potent solutions?? Or to stop stomping around the house like a madman when he clean? Maybe it is. I give up.

Yes, it is pretty much the definition of micromanaging him! Good LORD. Leave the man alone.

I don't think that was OP. And she says it's "every time," meaning not a single spat, but every time they argue.

This. If that's what OP's fight was about, I get where DH is coming from

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did you even “want to be right” about? Was your initial argument about chores? My DH won’t clean and when I complain he says it’s because I micromanage him. He has cleaning methods that really irk me…is it really micromanaging when I ask him to use less potent solutions?? Or to stop stomping around the house like a madman when he clean? Maybe it is. I give up.

Yes, it is pretty much the definition of micromanaging him! Good LORD. Leave the man alone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So each time we bicker or fight he completely checks out. Stops all help with the kids, housework, yard work, groceries, etc. If I bring it up, he says- well, you wanted to be right so enjoy being right. You can do it all now.

Drives me insane to the point of wanting a divorce. How do I fight back against this?

This is a really cruel way to treat your partner. It's petty and retaliatory. A healthy person is helpful and kind as a matter of principle and character; it's not used as a carrot or a stick to manipulate others.

Definitely do not fight the petty with petty. That will get you nothing but covered in mud. I'd ignore his tantrums as much as possible and ask him to go to counseling. If he's unwilling, I'd think long and hard about the future of the marriage.

And try to see the big picture. He doesn't seem to have the emotional tools to deal with criticism or conflict. So he lashes out to punish you for making him feel that way. His subconscious goal is to teach you not to upset him so he doesn't have to deal with those feelings. But obviously the healthy goal should be for him to parent himself so he can react like an adult during conflict. Depending on your relationship when you're not bickering, you might be able to bring this up . . . Hey, it seems like when we fight, you withdraw and stop being part of the family. That's hurtful and feels unfair to me. I'm curious about what you're feeling that makes you react like this . . . you know I still love you even when we have a fight, right?

Of course if we're dealing with a personality disorder rather than someone who's emotionally immature then a gentle conversation probably won't help anything.

Good luck, OP.

He's "lashing out"? LOL. He's just not doing chores for someone that treats him poorly.

Anonymous wrote:Dress in lingerie or whatever he finds irresistible, walk past him a couple of times and just walk away.

I am always surprised how immediate the effect is. He cannot apologize enough. I imagine I can get him to confess to pretty much anything I want.

I do this when I feel like it, not every time. Works every time I do it though.