Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.

He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.

Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.

Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.

Things my DH would never say to me. Sorry OP but you allow this behavior so just do what he tells you to do!

Op here... this isn't a demand! Haven't you ever had a craving for something specifc and decided that's what was going to be for dinner (or tomorrow's dinner if it's too late in the day)? It's like if I saw a commercial for a new restaurant and mentioned to DH that I want to go there and try it out.

NP. I do all meal planning and cooking in our relationship. My husband doesn’t ever do this. He always just expresses gratitude for me doing meal prep/cooking. If there’s something he’d like to have he’ll say “maybe I can pick up some xyz takeout Friday. I’ve been really craving xyz.” At which point I’ll either gladly accept his offer to pick up take out or offer to make whatever it is he’s craving at home.

He doesn’t put in requests. I’m not his employee and he’s not at a restaurant.

Are you sure he realizes this? Per a number of your previous posts he seems to have pretty strong “preferences” as to what you prepare.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

to clarify the bread comment. I bake about 20 loaves a week. Usually one for us, one goes in our freezer and the others are orders that friends and neighbors have requested and paid for. So while baking 4 loaves of bread may seem like a lot to ask, I bake about 10 loaves each day on Sat and Sun anyway.

OP, I love to bake, and I especially love to bake bread, but you don't see the difference between baking a loaf or two for yourselves, plus orders for others, and 4-5 different types just for you and your guests? It's nuts! You're not a bakery. You're not Subway. You are not a restaurant. You are an adult who presumably knows already how to make sandwiches and arrange cheese and crackers on a board without any input from anyone. How do you not see that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.

He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.

Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.

Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.

Things my DH would never say to me. Sorry OP but you allow this behavior so just do what he tells you to do!

Op here... this isn't a demand! Haven't you ever had a craving for something specifc and decided that's what was going to be for dinner (or tomorrow's dinner if it's too late in the day)? It's like if I saw a commercial for a new restaurant and mentioned to DH that I want to go there and try it out.

NP. I do all meal planning and cooking in our relationship. My husband doesn’t ever do this. He always just expresses gratitude for me doing meal prep/cooking. If there’s something he’d like to have he’ll say “maybe I can pick up some xyz takeout Friday. I’ve been really craving xyz.” At which point I’ll either gladly accept his offer to pick up take out or offer to make whatever it is he’s craving at home.

He doesn’t put in requests. I’m not his employee and he’s not at a restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only comment is that not everyone is ok with mayo based salad sandwiches- id not do all three, instead offer Turkey or something else with one of these (egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ).

Op here,

Thanks for the advice!

The sandwich options would be those three plus regular turkey/ham/cheese options. I just mentioned the salad based ones since I would be prepping those in advance (day before). Additionally, I think I’m only going to do two bread options to make it easier. Since I bake bread, DH was hoping for a selection of about 4 or 5 different breads. I’m going to just do sourdough and whole grain sandwich loaves.

Dear God.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

to clarify the bread comment. I bake about 20 loaves a week. Usually one for us, one goes in our freezer and the others are orders that friends and neighbors have requested and paid for. So while baking 4 loaves of bread may seem like a lot to ask, I bake about 10 loaves each day on Sat and Sun anyway.

How many do you have in your freezer already? When do you use those?

How about freshly caught lightly fried tuna with toast squares for the boat with a selection of fresh fruit, and $80+ lasagna for the picnic lunch? It would be so much easier.

And then you can declare that the kitchen is closed!

Get your DH a consultation with a psychiatrist for meds to treat his anxiety and a therapist.

Op here,

to clarify the bread comment. I bake about 20 loaves a week. Usually one for us, one goes in our freezer and the others are orders that friends and neighbors have requested and paid for. So while baking 4 loaves of bread may seem like a lot to ask, I bake about 10 loaves each day on Sat and Sun anyway.

4 or 5 different breads??? Lol. I think someone is drinking/trolling on a Friday. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My only comment is that not everyone is ok with mayo based salad sandwiches- id not do all three, instead offer Turkey or something else with one of these (egg salad, chicken salad, tuna salad ).

Op here,

Thanks for the advice!

The sandwich options would be those three plus regular turkey/ham/cheese options. I just mentioned the salad based ones since I would be prepping those in advance (day before). Additionally, I think I’m only going to do two bread options to make it easier. Since I bake bread, DH was hoping for a selection of about 4 or 5 different breads. I’m going to just do sourdough and whole grain sandwich loaves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.

He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.

Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.

Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.

If he’s not a good cook or host then his input should be limited to expressing gratitude for you doing the majority of the labor/offering to assist where he can. The fact that he is incompetent in this arena and yet allegedly requesting that you bake 5 types of bread/hand arrange the charcuterie per his preference is ludicrous and I’m sorry you can’t see that. I’m assuming he compensates by bringing in tons of money but it’s still sad that he’s treating you like the help.

He gets very anxious. It's not meant as a control thing but he gets anxiety about "omg, what if someone wants ___ type of bread and we don't have it???". Usually he realizes that we can't have every food item available and no one expects us to do so. He gets like that about wine/beer/champagne as well. Recently we had a dinner party and he bought 20 bottles of wine because he wanted to make sure any/every taste was accommodated. Of course, people just chose white or red and that was that. So we have 15 bottles of leftover wine. It's something he works on in therapy.

OMG What if someone wanted something delicious to drink that isn't wine? And isn't water? What if they need something delicious to wash their food down with? Was he prepared for that? Please say yes I am on the edge of my seat

Anonymous wrote:OP, my husband who does not cook would NEVER presume to tell me what to make when company is over! If he asks, I'll tell him, that's about it. He knows I'm a grown ass adult, and can handle making food, since I've been doing it for a pretty long time.

Asking you to bake 4-5 types of breads, make 6+ types of sandwiches, and telling you what to get for the charcuterie and how to arrange it,... it's all quite control freaky. And to be honest, I don't understand why he can't help out here - the stuff on your menu is not rocket science, and for the most part, does not involve cooking! If he's particular, let him make these things himself!!! Send him out to buy the stuff for the charcuterie, and tell him to have at it, arranging however many boards he deems to be acceptable.

I think you've been acceding to his demands for so long, you're failing to see that they are in fact, demands.

Agree with the bolded. She's so used to it, OP can't see it for what it is.

This needs to be in the relationships board

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.

He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.

Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.

Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.

Things my DH would never say to me. Sorry OP but you allow this behavior so just do what he tells you to do!

Op here... this isn't a demand! Haven't you ever had a craving for something specifc and decided that's what was going to be for dinner (or tomorrow's dinner if it's too late in the day)? It's like if I saw a commercial for a new restaurant and mentioned to DH that I want to go there and try it out.

Do you really not see the difference between suggesting going out to dinner to get something you’re craving and telling your spouse to prepare it for you?

OP, my husband who does not cook would NEVER presume to tell me what to make when company is over! If he asks, I'll tell him, that's about it. He knows I'm a grown ass adult, and can handle making food, since I've been doing it for a pretty long time.

Asking you to bake 4-5 types of breads, make 6+ types of sandwiches, and telling you what to get for the charcuterie and how to arrange it,... it's all quite control freaky. And to be honest, I don't understand why he can't help out here - the stuff on your menu is not rocket science, and for the most part, does not involve cooking! If he's particular, let him make these things himself!!! Send him out to buy the stuff for the charcuterie, and tell him to have at it, arranging however many boards he deems to be acceptable.

I think you've been acceding to his demands for so long, you're failing to see that they are in fact, demands.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many questions. But first ... is he always like this?

Now that I see that you're having dinner at a marina after the boat ride, I'll say sandwiches for the concert and charcuterie for the boat.

Typically he makes his requests known and I do my best to make them happen. When friends are in town, he especially wants things to go without issues because they are here for a short vacation.

Ok, at this point it’s clear you’re just trolling us.

The panini press really took it over the top.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is your DH micromanaging you? Ask him to make the food if he is so particular.
If you’re doing charcuterie I’d just pick up trays from Wegmans.

He doesn’t really handle food in our house so that’s why I’m trying to plan this all out. He does man the grill though! He also doesn’t want pre made charcuterie. He prefers to have all the meats and cheeses sliced fresh at the deli counter and then I arrange them. Also I add in other items like stuffed olives, soft cheeses like Brie , tapenades and hummus. Those are all store bought though so pretty simple.

Op, does it really not bother you that your “DH” is treating you like a caterer? This just sounds so demeaning. You need to worry less about charcuterie and sandwich combos and more about gaining some self respect.

Op here,

This is totally uncalled for. DH isn't a good cook or host and I doubt he is going to learn all those skills between now and Tuesday. As far as him "treating me like a caterer" I don't see that at all. He is making his requests known. Same as any other day when he says "honey, I'd like [insert item] for dinner tomorrow". That's not treating me like a caterer. I have a great deal of self respect. Part of it is making sure this visit goes off without complications.

Once I get through day 2, I am not worried about the food logistics. Day three is just a brunch out at a restaurant and then I'll be serving dinner.

If he’s not a good cook or host then his input should be limited to expressing gratitude for you doing the majority of the labor/offering to assist where he can. The fact that he is incompetent in this arena and yet allegedly requesting that you bake 5 types of bread/hand arrange the charcuterie per his preference is ludicrous and I’m sorry you can’t see that. I’m assuming he compensates by bringing in tons of money but it’s still sad that he’s treating you like the help.

He gets very anxious. It's not meant as a control thing but he gets anxiety about "omg, what if someone wants ___ type of bread and we don't have it???". Usually he realizes that we can't have every food item available and no one expects us to do so. He gets like that about wine/beer/champagne as well. Recently we had a dinner party and he bought 20 bottles of wine because he wanted to make sure any/every taste was accommodated. Of course, people just chose white or red and that was that. So we have 15 bottles of leftover wine. It's something he works on in therapy.

Okay, but if he’s that anxious and opinionated about the food that’s being served (and recognizes that its an issue for him) he needs to take on the responsibility for preparing or buying it himself instead of placing his unreasonable demands on you.