Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Methodist and consider myself a Christian. I have to say, you and your husband are poster children for how religion is misused.

What did she do wrong?

Nothing beyond hoping that religion would make men better. Which is a mistake billions of people make.

Yes this. Their vows aren't any better than any others. If you have faith, you do it for yourself fully understanding that every human being including yourself is mortal and the only relationship you have with God is your own. So many people think religion keeps people safe and on the right path as if God is directing you. Sadly it doesn't. It's fully in the control of each person.

Anonymous wrote:But all he has to do is ask God/Jesus for forgiveness and he is forgiven. Isn’t that the basis of Christianity? You don’t have to forgive him. He doesn’t have to repent to you.

He has to be genuinely repentant, not just mouthing words. Denominations differ on how they treat divorce, but the OP seems to suggest she and STBX are not yet actually divorced. If that’s the case and he’s living in a meretricious relationship with AP, it would seem to be a problem in any Christian denomination. But congregations differ and how accepting they are of “repentance in process.”

OP has every right to be hurt and insulted, and the situation is significantly complicated by having to share custody of the kids. It is hard to let go, especially in such a case, but it takes two to stay married and the STBX has left with no indicia of any interest in returning. That doesn’t make what he did right, but as hard as it is to not do so, holding a resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.

The beauty of many Christian religions is that they can be sinners but as long as they accept Jesus as their savior they will go to heaven.

They can lie, cheat, steal, fornicate and be a drug addict.

None of that matters as long as they accept Jesus as their savior they will be saved.

Anonymous wrote:Was it about looks

Yeah, although she was exactly my age and weight. It was more of a trauma bond. She went through a lot of trauma, and my ex had a lot of unresolved trauma. So the two of them bonded over shared trauma, which also revived the feelings they had for each other as teenagers in youth group many years ago.

Anonymous wrote:I

People are @ssholes and practicing religion or not doesn’t make a difference. I know people with better values, morality and compassion who have no religion and vice versa.

They suck. That’s all you can conclude. But, Christ, look at the Fallwells. Some of the most obsessive can be the most messed up.

And “born again” is a huge red flag.

I agree with what you said, and I'm sorry for what you went through.

Was it about looks

I’m not religious. I am technically Catholic, but never went to church after the age of 7 and don’t practice.

But my ex- very anti-religion, had an affair.

I still think it’s morally wrong. I still think betrayal and deceit and taking away someone’s agency over the health of their body is awful. The OW was married with kids too. She was Jewish.

I think they are both hypocrites because they put out a phony front of being great spouses and parents- when both were selfish and sucked at that.

She even promotes herself on social media as being a loving wife and homemaker —-such an empathetic person she claims to be. It’s ridiculous.

People are @ssholes and practicing religion or not doesn’t make a difference. I know people with better values, morality and compassion who have no religion and vice versa.

They suck. That’s all you can conclude. But, Christ, look at the Fallwells. Some of the most obsessive can be the most messed up.

And “born again” is a huge red flag.

Anonymous wrote:We are almost divorced. But he doesn't ever want to marry her because he doesn't want to be a stepdad for her kids. He just wants to have fun with her. Coparent with me and have fun with her.

That's what he's telling you right now. Don't be surprised if he ends up marrying her and starting a new family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Methodist and consider myself a Christian. I have to say, you and your husband are poster children for how religion is misused.

What did she do wrong?

Nothing beyond hoping that religion would make men better. Which is a mistake billions of people make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are almost divorced. But he doesn't ever want to marry her because he doesn't want to be a stepdad for her kids. He just wants to have fun with her. Coparent with me and have fun with her.

His intentions with his girlfriend are no longer any of your concern.

Agreed. We are almost done with our divorce and I know he's free to date and do whatever he wants.

Anonymous wrote:I am sorry, OP. XH did this to me. Hugs.

How did you handle everything? If you don't mind sharing about your recovery experience...I'd love to hear about it.

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I'm so sorry. I know sooooo many Christian families that have been through something similar. Your therapist is right on the money -- he wants to eat his cake and have it, too.

OP, my hope for you is that someone in your church is looking out for YOU. Or maybe you'll find a new church where you can find a trusted counselor. You are worthy of support and help. It's OK to be angry with him, it really is. But you can rebuild a great, strong life.

How do these Christian families end up after divorce? Are the exes friendly and civil?

UGH. Every time I feel like I'm getting better, I get worse, and I find that the pain is not going away.

Anonymous wrote:I was raised Methodist and consider myself a Christian. I have to say, you and your husband are poster children for how religion is misused.

What did she do wrong?

I am sorry, OP. XH did this to me. Hugs.

Anonymous wrote:We are almost divorced. But he doesn't ever want to marry her because he doesn't want to be a stepdad for her kids. He just wants to have fun with her. Coparent with me and have fun with her.

His intentions with his girlfriend are no longer any of your concern.