Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 09:18     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:I would ask point blank my father why he didn't invite me on the cruise.


Becaese he's going with his family.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 09:13     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.


I agree. I wouldn’t attend that either. They have made their feelings plain.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:52     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.


Radical acceptance OP...it sucks, it isn't fair and you can't change this so accept it. He doesn't want a closer relationship and it may be because ir reminds him of his failed relationship with your mother or if your mom passed away of the loss.

That said, for future reference it helps when having these conversations to keep it positive with something like "I really enjoy spending time with you and I wish I could see you more rather than "I don't think we are as close as we SHOULD be." I know some will say this is insane, but words matter and the second feels more like a guilt trip. What we remember most is how people make us feel and if we constantly have negative emotions around someone then often we just don't want to be there. I am sure he knows there are many things he SHOULD have done that he didn't, but now that you are adults, if you are going to be close it's because you SHOULD be, it needs to be because you both truly enjoy being around eachother.


I agree with this. Your dad (with the help of your stepmom) are making it clear that they don't want a close relationship with you. That must feel terrible. But having lower expectations of him might help you stop feeling the pain so intensely. If he doesn't even return your calls in a timely fashion, it would be obvious to someone outside the situation that he's not going to push to get you included on a family cruise.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:48     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
OP, you’ve posted about this dynamic before haven’t you? Where your dad and his second family do stuff without you all the time? You’re not going to change your father. Maybe get some therapy and figure out how to move on. They clearly don’t care about you.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:46     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.


Radical acceptance OP...it sucks, it isn't fair and you can't change this so accept it. He doesn't want a closer relationship and it may be because ir reminds him of his failed relationship with your mother or if your mom passed away of the loss.

That said, for future reference it helps when having these conversations to keep it positive with something like "I really enjoy spending time with you and I wish I could see you more rather than "I don't think we are as close as we SHOULD be." I know some will say this is insane, but words matter and the second feels more like a guilt trip. What we remember most is how people make us feel and if we constantly have negative emotions around someone then often we just don't want to be there. I am sure he knows there are many things he SHOULD have done that he didn't, but now that you are adults, if you are going to be close it's because you SHOULD be, it needs to be because you both truly enjoy being around eachother.


Np. Pp you have a lot of wise words! Thank you for helping me out.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:46     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Yeah, without knowing more, I would have to lay the finger directly at the stepmother. I am not saying that she is evil, but she is a mother, and I would think she would understand how any daughter would feel about being excluded from the Father’s Day cruise, including kids that are not hers. She is in the wrong.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:41     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.


Radical acceptance OP...it sucks, it isn't fair and you can't change this so accept it. He doesn't want a closer relationship and it may be because ir reminds him of his failed relationship with your mother or if your mom passed away of the loss.

That said, for future reference it helps when having these conversations to keep it positive with something like "I really enjoy spending time with you and I wish I could see you more rather than "I don't think we are as close as we SHOULD be." I know some will say this is insane, but words matter and the second feels more like a guilt trip. What we remember most is how people make us feel and if we constantly have negative emotions around someone then often we just don't want to be there. I am sure he knows there are many things he SHOULD have done that he didn't, but now that you are adults, if you are going to be close it's because you SHOULD be, it needs to be because you both truly enjoy being around eachother.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:39     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone has the right to go on a vacation with the people they’ll enjoy being around. Why would college age people have wanted you to hang out with them? You’d cramp their style.


Selfish, completely absorbed POV.

Ofc OP hs the right to be passed and so would I. We teach our kids to be kind and not exclude. Yet her we have adults condoning it and condoning a very hurtful act.

I’m so sorry OP. Eff them.


That’s for little kids, not grown adults! Do you go on vacation with adult relatives you don’t enjoy spending time with?
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:37     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
These are half siblings. We all have the same biological father.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:27     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Are they step, half or full siblings? My FIL helped raise the STEP siblings and one half sibling and basically my husband and his sister were 2nd class citizens. Stepmom ran the sh&t show. Nothing was going to change it and my SIL expressed her discontent often. Eventually my husband and his sister just distanced themselves.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:26     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Op here. I had a conversation with my dad back in December about me not feeling close to my dad as I think weshould. His response is that I am an adult now. I understand this, however he does not call or text to see how I am doing. I called him during the holidays and he wanted to know why I was calling(to wish him a Merry Christmas of course) and he it seemed like he just followed up with me out of courtesy and it took him a week to do so.
My sibling is having a college send off/grad party once they return from the cruise and I am thinking about canceling my plans to attend(as I was scheduled to stay with them for a week due to me living a plane ride away). I don't want to be in a place when I'm only wanted or needed for others convenience or to make them look good.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:01     Subject: Re:Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s insane that a father is vacationing with all but 1 child no matter their age.

Your dad sucks, your siblings suck, your dads wife sucks.

No Father’s Day gift for you.

I’d call my dad and tell him how rude it was that he left you out.

Phone a friend and do something fun tgat day.


Plus 1


Plus a million. Give him a single chance to explain/apologize, and to do so genuinely. If he doesn’t, screw him. I’d take a step back as that would show where you rank in the scheme of things.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 08:00     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:Everyone has the right to go on a vacation with the people they’ll enjoy being around. Why would college age people have wanted you to hang out with them? You’d cramp their style.


Selfish, completely absorbed POV.

Ofc OP hs the right to be passed and so would I. We teach our kids to be kind and not exclude. Yet her we have adults condoning it and condoning a very hurtful act.

I’m so sorry OP. Eff them.
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 07:57     Subject: Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:Everyone has the right to go on a vacation with the people they’ll enjoy being around. Why would college age people have wanted you to hang out with them? You’d cramp their style.


Um what? How mean
Anonymous
Post 06/13/2023 07:50     Subject: Re:Furious over Father's Day
Anonymous wrote:It’s insane that a father is vacationing with all but 1 child no matter their age.

Your dad sucks, your siblings suck, your dads wife sucks.

No Father’s Day gift for you.

I’d call my dad and tell him how rude it was that he left you out.

Phone a friend and do something fun tgat day.


Plus 1