Anonymous
Post 06/15/2023 11:20     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes


Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.




!


I don’t, actually, which is why I didn’t say that. I said that OP can let the daycare workers know that her child feels sad when she is one of the last to be picked up. They can reassure her that her mom is on the way, explain that even when other kids are picked up earlier, they are happy to have her there, etc.


it is not the responsibility of daycare workers to assure OP's child that her habitually late mother has not forgotten her! OP inconveniences these people because they cannot lock up and leave until all children are picked up.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2023 08:38     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.


She’s only little for so long and she wants her mother. She’s not a soldier. Do what you can to pick her up earlier, even if it’s just once a week.


Well I certainly agree she wants her mother and is not a soldier. If she was my kid she wouldn't even be in daycare but that's another story. I still say that a young child will mostly not be able to understand why mom can show up early some days but not others. Seems to me it could do more to provoke anxiety than to help the situation.


Your kid would never be in daycare but you seem to think you know how to handle this situation.


That is correct. I've worked in a daycare center briefly and I provided home daycare for several years, I am well aware of what preschool children are capable of understanding due to my own experience and education. Try not to take my reluctance to put my own kids in daycare too personally.


Nobody takes your decision on how to care for your own kids personally. They just don't value your opinion about how they raise their own kids. Try to take that personally.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2023 20:08     Subject: Re:Kid often says I am late to pick her up
We usually were not the last to pick up DC. Sometimes traffic or other things happened and we were one of the last parents to pick up. If we were ever close to the last, DC always was worried we weren’t going to come. Teachers all said that is a common, very normal, reaction by younger kids. Do the best you can, but also keep reassuring DC that you will never forget them.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2023 15:24     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes


Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.


You think daycare workers should wait until all kids are picked up before they start cleaning? Ludicrous!


I direct a full day preschool and one of the teachers in each classroom takes the children to a different space while the other teacher in each classroom cleans the classroom. So for the last 15 minutes they are in the front space of our school, reading books and snuggling with 3 teachers. Any siblings that are in different rooms are reunited. While those children know they are last to leave, they also have a special ritual they do with the closing teachers. I do not allow our teachers to have their kids' coats on or lunchboxes sitting next to them - I hate that look of "your child is in my way".


Do you or your teachers find that it’s common for kids to recognize that they were the last to be picked up?
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2023 15:22     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.


She’s only little for so long and she wants her mother. She’s not a soldier. Do what you can to pick her up earlier, even if it’s just once a week.


Well I certainly agree she wants her mother and is not a soldier. If she was my kid she wouldn't even be in daycare but that's another story. I still say that a young child will mostly not be able to understand why mom can show up early some days but not others. Seems to me it could do more to provoke anxiety than to help the situation.


Your kid would never be in daycare but you seem to think you know how to handle this situation.


That is correct. I've worked in a daycare center briefly and I provided home daycare for several years, I am well aware of what preschool children are capable of understanding due to my own experience and education. Try not to take my reluctance to put my own kids in daycare too personally.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2023 14:46     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes


Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.


You think daycare workers should wait until all kids are picked up before they start cleaning? Ludicrous!


I don’t, actually, which is why I didn’t say that. I said that OP can let the daycare workers know that her child feels sad when she is one of the last to be picked up. They can reassure her that her mom is on the way, explain that even when other kids are picked up earlier, they are happy to have her there, etc.



You know they've already done that, right? They've validated her feelings over and over again, every evening, and sat and played with her one on one, waiting until Mom comes. The issue is not on their end.


I don’t know that. How do you know that? I didn’t realize you worked at OP’s daycare and know the whole story already. This is a 3 year old. Daycare workers would find it helpful to hear that she is sad about being picked up last, and wouldn’t dismiss it as “not their issue”. See the thoughtful response from the daycare director above.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2023 09:32     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes


Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.


You think daycare workers should wait until all kids are picked up before they start cleaning? Ludicrous!


I direct a full day preschool and one of the teachers in each classroom takes the children to a different space while the other teacher in each classroom cleans the classroom. So for the last 15 minutes they are in the front space of our school, reading books and snuggling with 3 teachers. Any siblings that are in different rooms are reunited. While those children know they are last to leave, they also have a special ritual they do with the closing teachers. I do not allow our teachers to have their kids' coats on or lunchboxes sitting next to them - I hate that look of "your child is in my way".
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 21:22     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think if you pick her up early one day a week she's not going to understand why you can't do that everyday. Too confusing.


She’s only little for so long and she wants her mother. She’s not a soldier. Do what you can to pick her up earlier, even if it’s just once a week.


Well I certainly agree she wants her mother and is not a soldier. If she was my kid she wouldn't even be in daycare but that's another story. I still say that a young child will mostly not be able to understand why mom can show up early some days but not others. Seems to me it could do more to provoke anxiety than to help the situation.


Your kid would never be in daycare but you seem to think you know how to handle this situation.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 18:41     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:Disgusted by the trolls shaming a parent providing for their child.

OP, pack a treat to give to little one at pickup.

If it matches your schedule, ask daycare if they can let the child call you to check in 30minutes before pickup when your are heading over.
Or if they can play recorded greeting videos you make.

Be sure to spend quality quantity time together outside of daycare.

It’s not shaming? It’s literally crappy to be picked up last, and it’s weirder that people aren’t allowed to acknowledge that without being accused of shaming. I can’t wait for the day we stop pretending a lie that comforts is better than the truth, especially as kids don’t have a choice or comfort.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 16:37     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:"It sounds like you miss me when you see all the other kids getting picked up and you have to wait and wait. You wish you could be one of the first ones picked up. I miss you too and also wish I could pick you up earlier. It's hard to miss people we love, isn't it?"


This is a great response, she wants to be heard and validated. It sounds like you are doing your best and that is okay. Routines are important and time is a tough concept for kids so when they have to wait past when they see others doing something, it’s hard for them. I would just validate that.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 16:19     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes


Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.


You think daycare workers should wait until all kids are picked up before they start cleaning? Ludicrous!


I don’t, actually, which is why I didn’t say that. I said that OP can let the daycare workers know that her child feels sad when she is one of the last to be picked up. They can reassure her that her mom is on the way, explain that even when other kids are picked up earlier, they are happy to have her there, etc.



You know they've already done that, right? They've validated her feelings over and over again, every evening, and sat and played with her one on one, waiting until Mom comes. The issue is not on their end.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 14:32     Subject: Re:Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Many many kids, maybe not all, up through at least age 7 have an innate fear of abandonment. It was good in an evolutionary sense, I suppose. It is normal for kids to get anxious if they are one of the last kids to be picked up.

I'd suggest repeatedly telling her that you ALWAYS will come and get her. Tell her at wakeup time, at drop off, and at pickup time. That often helps reassure them somewhat.
Anonymous
Post 06/11/2023 01:17     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:3 to 4 days out of a week, she will say that I am late to pick her up and ask for why. She is one of the last few kids to be picked up in classroom and I tell her many time that I am not too late and I cannot pick her up earlier due to work. It has been going on for months, and she has attended thos daycare for 2 plus years.

That makes me feel some guilt. What is better way for me to respond to her to flip the table to change it into happier atmosphere pickup. She is not sad or cry, but I feel a bit of blame from her. I try to pick her up before daycare closing in 5 minutes


Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.


You think daycare workers should wait until all kids are picked up before they start cleaning? Ludicrous!


I don’t, actually, which is why I didn’t say that. I said that OP can let the daycare workers know that her child feels sad when she is one of the last to be picked up. They can reassure her that her mom is on the way, explain that even when other kids are picked up earlier, they are happy to have her there, etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2023 15:34     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up

Maybe have a word with the daycare workers. They might be doing things like packing stuff up and cleaning when there are just a few kids left. I was the last kid at daycare often, and even though it’s not intentional, having the adults clean up around you feels a little lonely.

You got great advice above on how to validate her feelings.


The pre-school where I work has aftercare until 6:00, and yes, at 5:55 the afternoon teachers are packing things up and cleaning the room. They are not paid after 6:00 so it is not fair to ask them to stay later than that to tidy up.
Anonymous
Post 06/10/2023 13:06     Subject: Kid often says I am late to pick her up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"It sounds like you miss me when you see all the other kids getting picked up and you have to wait and wait. You wish you could be one of the first ones picked up. I miss you too and also wish I could pick you up earlier. It's hard to miss people we love, isn't it?"


Ridiculous response. If OP is always late, or late 3 days every week, of course the child is upset. Give her a time, "I'll pick you up by 5:30 today." If OP knows that she may be later give child the time she'll pick her up that day.



Yes, definitely better to give the kid essentially meaningless information than use empathy. Good advice