Anonymous
06/08/2023 20:33
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it's been 10 years since you last spoke with your sister how are there so many issues you're still complaining about. The dog? She didn't ask you to do something about it? Then every time you apologize she finds something new? But you haven't spoken in 10 years how many times is all this really happening?
She visited me in Arlington, VA ten years ago. That was the last time we spoke. All she had to do was actually communicate with me that my dog was bothering her. I would have asked a neighbor to watch him, or I would have left him at a sitter. That is the last time we spoke.
I've given up. I'm not doing this anymore.
Well that was quick. Just a few minutes ago you were genuinely heart broken. Glad you picked yourself up and are moving on.
Lol, this. I call troll on OP.
Naah, I think OP is genuinely a 13-year-old in a 50-something's body who is looking for internet strangers to validate her beef with her older sister who is clearly tired of OP's shenanigans. Otherwise OP wouldn't self-tell in so many ways.
Also interesting is how OP casually mentioned her sister was born disabled and used leg braces. Just glossed right on over that. Perhaps there's more going on in older sister's life that OP fails to acknowledge. Maybe life has always been that much harder for older sister who may have legitimate beef with perfect younger sister.
True. Although from OP’s display so far, I doubt she was ever the “perfect” younger sister.
I meant that from the perspective of big sister. Like being born disabled seemed unfair compared to little sister.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 20:28
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it's been 10 years since you last spoke with your sister how are there so many issues you're still complaining about. The dog? She didn't ask you to do something about it? Then every time you apologize she finds something new? But you haven't spoken in 10 years how many times is all this really happening?
She visited me in Arlington, VA ten years ago. That was the last time we spoke. All she had to do was actually communicate with me that my dog was bothering her. I would have asked a neighbor to watch him, or I would have left him at a sitter. That is the last time we spoke.
I've given up. I'm not doing this anymore.
Well that was quick. Just a few minutes ago you were genuinely heart broken. Glad you picked yourself up and are moving on.
Lol, this. I call troll on OP.
Naah, I think OP is genuinely a 13-year-old in a 50-something's body who is looking for internet strangers to validate her beef with her older sister who is clearly tired of OP's shenanigans. Otherwise OP wouldn't self-tell in so many ways.
Also interesting is how OP casually mentioned her sister was born disabled and used leg braces. Just glossed right on over that. Perhaps there's more going on in older sister's life that OP fails to acknowledge. Maybe life has always been that much harder for older sister who may have legitimate beef with perfect younger sister.
True. Although from OP’s display so far, I doubt she was ever the “perfect” younger sister.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 20:27
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.
When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.
This
Anonymous
06/08/2023 20:17
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it's been 10 years since you last spoke with your sister how are there so many issues you're still complaining about. The dog? She didn't ask you to do something about it? Then every time you apologize she finds something new? But you haven't spoken in 10 years how many times is all this really happening?
She visited me in Arlington, VA ten years ago. That was the last time we spoke. All she had to do was actually communicate with me that my dog was bothering her. I would have asked a neighbor to watch him, or I would have left him at a sitter. That is the last time we spoke.
I've given up. I'm not doing this anymore.
Well that was quick. Just a few minutes ago you were genuinely heart broken. Glad you picked yourself up and are moving on.
Lol, this. I call troll on OP.
Naah, I think OP is genuinely a 13-year-old in a 50-something's body who is looking for internet strangers to validate her beef with her older sister who is clearly tired of OP's shenanigans. Otherwise OP wouldn't self-tell in so many ways.
Also interesting is how OP casually mentioned her sister was born disabled and used leg braces. Just glossed right on over that. Perhaps there's more going on in older sister's life that OP fails to acknowledge. Maybe life has always been that much harder for older sister who may have legitimate beef with perfect younger sister.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 20:15
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Nobody cuts off a close family member without good reason. Nobody.
When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.
When you hurt people, don't expect to get away with it indefinitely.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:41
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it's been 10 years since you last spoke with your sister how are there so many issues you're still complaining about. The dog? She didn't ask you to do something about it? Then every time you apologize she finds something new? But you haven't spoken in 10 years how many times is all this really happening?
She visited me in Arlington, VA ten years ago. That was the last time we spoke. All she had to do was actually communicate with me that my dog was bothering her. I would have asked a neighbor to watch him, or I would have left him at a sitter. That is the last time we spoke.
I've given up. I'm not doing this anymore.
Well that was quick. Just a few minutes ago you were genuinely heart broken. Glad you picked yourself up and are moving on.
Lol, this. I call troll on OP.
Naah, I think OP is genuinely a 13-year-old in a 50-something's body who is looking for internet strangers to validate her beef with her older sister who is clearly tired of OP's shenanigans. Otherwise OP wouldn't self-tell in so many ways.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:36
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If it's been 10 years since you last spoke with your sister how are there so many issues you're still complaining about. The dog? She didn't ask you to do something about it? Then every time you apologize she finds something new? But you haven't spoken in 10 years how many times is all this really happening?
She visited me in Arlington, VA ten years ago. That was the last time we spoke. All she had to do was actually communicate with me that my dog was bothering her. I would have asked a neighbor to watch him, or I would have left him at a sitter. That is the last time we spoke.
I've given up. I'm not doing this anymore.
Well that was quick. Just a few minutes ago you were genuinely heart broken. Glad you picked yourself up and are moving on.
Lol, this. I call troll on OP.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:35
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Let it go. You should have moved on a long time ago. Why go into the last decades of your life worried about the love and acceptance of a spiteful biatch, shared blood or not.
Except it's a very open question as to which sister is the spiteful biatch. Looks like OP's older sister has made her decision.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:30
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Let it go. You should have moved on a long time ago. Why go into the last decades of your life worried about the love and acceptance of a spiteful biatch, shared blood or not.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:08
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op, my older DS brings you in and out of her life when it's most convenient for her. It is a running joke in our family. It never bothered me until COVID and we all thought the end of the world was upon us. I lived literally 10 mins from her house and she spoke to me twice over a thirteen month period of time. And before you nut jobs pipe in, yes I tried and tried to see her but was constantly put off, still sent those flowers and bd/holiday gifts. She finally gifted me with a visit and shared what her life was like for the past year and that did it for me. Massages with her traveling masseuse at her house, lunches with a variety of friends at her house, visits with my nephew and niece at her house, but no time for me. It hurt, really hurt to finalize realize that what my DH had said about her for years was actually true. The world is coming to an end (lol, or so we thought) and I was the last person she wanted to see. I've since sold my house, moved onto our vacation home until we decide our next stop. She has no idea, and I do not believe she will feel an ounce of emotion once she figures it out. In my mind, I'm an only child. Oh well.
Using phrases like the bolded is not a good way to get helpful comments. It's judgmental and inappropriate. If you get feedback that you don't like or that doesn't help just ignore it. Don't insult people before they have even typed a word.
No one on this board needs your lectures. Go away.
DP. PP is right, you're going to get some responses that question your own behavior. That's a good thing if you pay attention to it and evaluate whether it fits. The fact that you're dismissing it so nastily says you don't want any self-criticism or introspection.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:06
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:This sounds a lot like a dynamic between two cousins of mine. The younger one very subtly bullied the older one for years.
The older one moved away for college and grad school and started standing up for herself when the younger sister started in with her little digs and veiled insults. Younger one didn’t like it and tried to take control of the situation, but older one was just done with being treated badly.
The younger sister pulled this stuff on her parents, too. She’d go months at a time without talking to the elderly parents if they didn’t toe the line she drew. One of the parents died during a time when she hadn’t spoken to them for a couple months. She thinks the extended family doesn’t know she treated her parents this way because she likes to appear to be charming and a “connector” of people, but we actually all know how she really is.
The older sister needed to remove herself from contact with the younger one to avoid her hurtful behaviors. There’s no need in this world to spend time with people who don’t like you and say things to try to hurt you.
This.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:05
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Op, my older DS brings you in and out of her life when it's most convenient for her. It is a running joke in our family. It never bothered me until COVID and we all thought the end of the world was upon us. I lived literally 10 mins from her house and she spoke to me twice over a thirteen month period of time. And before you nut jobs pipe in, yes I tried and tried to see her but was constantly put off, still sent those flowers and bd/holiday gifts. She finally gifted me with a visit and shared what her life was like for the past year and that did it for me. Massages with her traveling masseuse at her house, lunches with a variety of friends at her house, visits with my nephew and niece at her house, but no time for me. It hurt, really hurt to finalize realize that what my DH had said about her for years was actually true. The world is coming to an end (lol, or so we thought) and I was the last person she wanted to see. I've since sold my house, moved onto our vacation home until we decide our next stop. She has no idea, and I do not believe she will feel an ounce of emotion once she figures it out. In my mind, I'm an only child. Oh well.
Using phrases like the bolded is not a good way to get helpful comments. It's judgmental and inappropriate. If you get feedback that you don't like or that doesn't help just ignore it. Don't insult people before they have even typed a word.
No one on this board needs your lectures. Go away.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:04
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Yes, please stop talking to your brother in law, and texting him and emailing him. Cease all communications with him, that would really piss me off if I were your sister. Just stop it. If you want to communicate with your sister just send her bd, mothers day, holiday cards sending your love. Let her reach out. Enough.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 19:02
Subject: Re:Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:write her a letter just saying how much you love and miss her and how sorry you are that you've done things to upset her along the way and how you hope in the remaining years you both have on this earth that you can spend some time together. do not mention specific incidents and do not be tempted to place blame at her feet. keep it simple. And stick with it.
I would not do this especially the part about the "remaining years you have on earth."
It is creepy trying to drag the husband into this. I noticed OP got very excited when somebody said the sister is likely mentally ill. That tells me OP is looking to vent and have a bunch of strangers join in the drama. If you truly want a meaningful relationship you would care that you hurt her deeply and you would want to repair it. It sounds like you find her upset trivial and you want a bunch of strangers to validate that.
OP, get help to accept things as they are. You don't agree with your sister about the issues and she doesn't want to be around you. Let it go. Having a bunch of strangers tell you she must be nuts does not help. Dragging her husband in is disturbing. Writing a letter to someone who made it clear she does not want contact is disrespecting boundaries. Move on. Give her peace. Find your own peace.
All of this. OP needs to stop right now with the game of talking to BIL for an hour about his wife. That's really awful. It makes me sympathetic to the sister.
All the posters who run to "your sister is a narcissist!" are just chorusing their one-size-fits-all explanation for every.single.relationship.problem.that.ever.happened. It's not only usually incorrect (internet diagnoses based on a very incomplete story are almost never correct), it's actively unhelpful when it lets posters like OP off the hook.
What pp said. Give her peace. Find your own peace.
Anonymous
06/08/2023 18:48
Subject: Over 50 and Older sister not speaking to me for more than 10 years
Anonymous wrote:It's been more than 10 years since my older sister has spoken to me.
I've made several attempts. I don't live in our hometown. I've traveled back, and she has refused (through other relatives) to see more or speak to me.
Most recently, I was in my hometown this past weekend. I let my brother-in-law, her husband, and our cousins know when I booked the flight a month in advance.
At least now I know, that she really just doesn't want me in her life. I'm so done. I'm not reaching out to her again. I'm not asking her again.
What happened? What difference does it really make? I was born. She didn't like me from the moment I was born. Isn't that ever really a possible reason? Why does there actually have to be any other reason?
My sister has said the usual. That she won't see me or speak to me, unless I give her an apology. For what? LoL.
There's always some reason she wants me to apologize to her. I can list all of the reasons I have for being upset with her, but you would only be getting my side of the story:
1. She's late to our scheduled and planned activities. The last time I tried to plan anything with her was to meet to see the movie The Mummy in 1999. I bought the tickets. She was more than an hour late. I stopped making plans with her, after a lifetime of this.
2. She tells people that she's the "evil sister" and I'm the good sister.
3. She threw shoes at me across the hospital room when our mother died about 20 years ago.
4. She and her husband cleared out my mother's belongings, and she shared nothing.
5. When our father died, she sent me papers from an attorney to sign over everything to her. I did it because I thought she would start speaking to me again. She did not.
6. She speaks to everyone else in the family, extended cousins, etc., and she tells them a different story about why she doesn't speak to me.
.
There are two sides to every story, and despite saying "you're only getting my side" you go right ahead and give us your side.
It sounds like there's a lot you haven't told us, and also there's a lot you failed to do on your end.
1. You're still hung up over something that happened in 1999. Really? Also, you don't mention whether she had a reason like car troubles, kid stuff.
2. It sounds like she's laughing off how you've tagged her the "evil sister" by badmouthing her to your friends and family. Unless this was something your parents did when they favored you over her, which is equally bad.
3. There must have been some reason, good or bad, for her to throw shoes. Can you clue us in?
4. Why did you leave all the house clearing to your sister and her husband? Why didn't you show up to help?
5. Not sure what this is about.
6. Maybe she has lots of reasons not to talk to you and everybody gets a piece of the reasons.
I mean, just reading between the lines, your sister might (or might not) have good reason to avoid you. TBH I avoid my sister like the plague because the day we brought my mom home for hospice, she shoved me into a bookcase and screamed abuse at me for two hours. But she's developed a list of grievances that never happened (no, I never badmouthed her marriage) to tell all our mutual friends.