Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 20:37     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
OP here. I do offer up what I did to contribute to relationships falling apart. And when I figure out what I did or someone else tells me what I did, I try to work on that thing so I can be a better partner.

I meet a lot of men who either A cant name anything they did wrong to lead to a major failed relationship (say divorce). Or B say what they did wrong (i.e. infidelity, poor communication, bad temper) and continue to engage in those behaviors and expect a woman to stick around.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 18:32     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
OP here. I am saying that the men I run across in dating almost always believe relationship failure is 100% their exes fault. Very rarely I come across one who can identify something he did wrong, and once I get to know him better I discover he still engages in that same behavior, yet feels entitled to a good relationship.


OP - Do you offer up the things you did to make your relationships fail when discussing this subject?

You only have to look at the titles of DCUM Relationship posts to see that women almost always complain about men. You seldom (if ever) see women posting "I screwed up my relationship with my DH by....." Not any introspection there.

If male posters ask (or point out) what a female poster did to create a situation, the first reply post is usually "Back off, incel."

To obtain truth, you must first speak the truth. And this thread ain't it.


Don’t try and pretend that those posts asking what a female poster did to create the situation don’t mostly go something like “Did you gain weight or cut your hair recently?”

Incel.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 17:19     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
OP here. I am saying that the men I run across in dating almost always believe relationship failure is 100% their exes fault. Very rarely I come across one who can identify something he did wrong, and once I get to know him better I discover he still engages in that same behavior, yet feels entitled to a good relationship.


OP - Do you offer up the things you did to make your relationships fail when discussing this subject?

You only have to look at the titles of DCUM Relationship posts to see that women almost always complain about men. You seldom (if ever) see women posting "I screwed up my relationship with my DH by....." Not any introspection there.

If male posters ask (or point out) what a female poster did to create a situation, the first reply post is usually "Back off, incel."

To obtain truth, you must first speak the truth. And this thread ain't it.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 16:22     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?


I mean, you're the common denominator in this scenario. It's something about what YOU'RE attracted to.

The irony of your premise that this is some kind of universal male trait is hilarious, though. It's 100% the man's fault. You lack introspection about why you keep attracting men like this.


It's not universal. Some men aren't like this, and most men who have actually been to therapy aren't.


Except OP is blaming "men" instead of being introspective and asking the better question of what is about HER that attracts her to the very few men who are this way?

Therapy is a bunch of hooey bullshit, BTW.

dp.. what OP is describing is pretty common.

They did a study which looked at how men and women deal with personal reflection at work.

If a job was well done, the man usually attributed it to his own efforts, whereas a woman would say it was really a team effort

If a job was not well done, the man usually blames others than himself, whereas a woman usually will shoulder some blame.


[citation needed]. Acceptance of accountability is not a strong suit for most women IME.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 16:04     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?


Who is responsible for your failed relationships? Was it the man every time?


OP here. I am saying that the men I run across in dating almost always believe relationship failure is 100% their exes fault. Very rarely I come across one who can identify something he did wrong, and once I get to know him better I discover he still engages in that same behavior, yet feels entitled to a good relationship.


I am genuinely curious how this even comes up. Do you interrogate your dates in why their previous relationships failed?

Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 15:42     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:This sounds like projection by the OP. I've been introspective since I was a child, but many women aren't.


Not the norm, but certainly happens.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 14:59     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s also body makeup though right? The hormones making them react quicker and more linearly. I’ve often heard men are more decisive. So must mean that they have less instrospection because they need to be decisive. Something like that.


Anecdotal but this is not at all true fir my DH— he’s incredibly indecisive. Or, more specifically, takes a looooong time to make decisions (once made, he doesn’t second guess, so that’s good). Whatever hormones supposedly make him react more quickly, he doesn’t have them.


Decisions aren't necessarily reactions.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 14:54     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
First of all no man is saying he’s “entitled to a good relationship” on a date. This is no different than a job interview. If he was fired from his prior job he’s not going to say his performance was substandard. Rather he might say it wasn’t a good fit.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 10:04     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
This sounds like projection by the OP. I've been introspective since I was a child, but many women aren't.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 08:51     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Doing your work is VERY hard. For men especially - they are so afraid that once they scratch the first layer, everything will fall apart.


You mean yapping in therapy?

Have you ever tried a real work, dear?


Have you tried doing the work in English class?

Anyway:
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 08:48     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:It’s also body makeup though right? The hormones making them react quicker and more linearly. I’ve often heard men are more decisive. So must mean that they have less instrospection because they need to be decisive. Something like that.


Not George Washington!
Washington cannot be left alone to his devices. Indecisive, from crisis to crisis.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 08:45     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?


Who is responsible for your failed relationships? Was it the man every time?


OP here. I am saying that the men I run across in dating almost always believe relationship failure is 100% their exes fault. Very rarely I come across one who can identify something he did wrong, and once I get to know him better I discover he still engages in that same behavior, yet feels entitled to a good relationship.


How many women have you dated?

How many anyones would go on a date and say "BTW I'm the reason my relationships fail. Let's try one!"

This is selection bias.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 08:45     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:When dating I constantly run across men who cannot be self reflective. If there’s a problem
It’s always 100% the other persons fault. It’s so frustrating? Do they think they are perfect? Just have no interest in growing and becoming a better person?


Who is responsible for your failed relationships? Was it the man every time?


OP here. I am saying that the men I run across in dating almost always believe relationship failure is 100% their exes fault. Very rarely I come across one who can identify something he did wrong, and once I get to know him better I discover he still engages in that same behavior, yet feels entitled to a good relationship.


I understand exactly what you are saying. I'm asking you who was responsible for all your past relationships failing. Was it your fault or was it the man's fault?
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 08:35     Subject: Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Men don’t need to be introspective because women's anxiety forces woman to point out everything little thing that men do wrong, could turn out wrong or might be wrong.


The lack is introspection causes the anxiety. The anxiety leads to hypersensitivity, which leads to defensiveness, which leads to resentment.

All this stems from societal expectations and lack of communication skills.


+1.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2023 08:34     Subject: Re:Why do so many men lack introspection? I
Anonymous wrote:It’s also body makeup though right? The hormones making them react quicker and more linearly. I’ve often heard men are more decisive. So must mean that they have less instrospection because they need to be decisive. Something like that.


No. Agree is lack of communication skills and desire to improve self.

Having no decision making process (needs lots of introspection of self , others, situation), except quick quick quick is not the definition of anything.