Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom and I brought tickets to a wine tasting event where you go from station to station tasting wines paired with appetizers. The event is from 5-7pm, tickets were around $30. I cannot leave work till 5, which would get me there at 5:15. She sent me a hostile text saying she planned to uber over alone and get there "at the actual start time," rather than me picking her up (I WFH and literally live three blocks away from her). This just strikes me as rude and unnecessary. If it were a sit down event it would make sense, but for something where you walk around at your own pace, I don't get it.

"Not sure why you're so hostile. You know my work hours. But, that's fine with me. I'll meet you there." I wouldn't indulge her manipulation but I would also let her know I did not appreciate the tone.

Not ONE iota of hostile, or manipulation here, sweetie. Not one.

It's like you've actually seen the text to be so full of confidence. Since you're so sure, give the rest of us the exact verbiage so we can all decide if there's an iota of hostility so we can be as sure as you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I were her I'd be annoyed that you coordinated to buy tickets to something together and then you didn't actually prioritize it and her. She has a right to be irritated - you should have better managed your schedule.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, given that an unexpected requirement arose at work that no one else could cover. I explained that, apologized to her, and also explained that I would make sure to end by no later than 5pm.

Which is understandable, but her deciding to proceed as originally planned is also understandable.

If she was having a tantrum, that wouldn't be reasonable, but taking an uber so she can still arrive at the time she planned to arrive at is totally reasonable.

It's not understandable to want to go to a social event where you don't know anyone and walk to stations eating and drinking alone. That would be so weird.

Some people have this thing where they are comfortable talking with strangers, meeting new people, making new friends, and asking questions from the wine vendors to learn something. Are you actually suggesting that someone who, say, is recently widowed, or whose friend was unable to make an evening as planned due to illness, should never go to a wine event or a movie or something alone? Should single people sit at home or stare at a wall?

OP's mom sounds like she's content to be on her own for 20 minutes at an outdoor, vendor-driven, social event. Good for her.

Cool, then wino mom who needs to get her drink on exactly at 5 can say it in a nicer way. "I really want to be there at 5 so I'll meet you there!"

Wine-loving mom probably has perpetually late/flakey OP's number, and knows that "5:15 at the latest" in OP world means "pretty darn close to 6." Good for mom, enjoying the event she paid for, being comfortable getting places on her own, being comfortable chatting with people and vendors at a social event.

If that's true then it's just as true OP has her mom's number and knows when she's being hostile.

Where is the hostile? Huh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom and I brought tickets to a wine tasting event where you go from station to station tasting wines paired with appetizers. The event is from 5-7pm, tickets were around $30. I cannot leave work till 5, which would get me there at 5:15. She sent me a hostile text saying she planned to uber over alone and get there "at the actual start time," rather than me picking her up (I WFH and literally live three blocks away from her). This just strikes me as rude and unnecessary. If it were a sit down event it would make sense, but for something where you walk around at your own pace, I don't get it.

"Not sure why you're so hostile. You know my work hours. But, that's fine with me. I'll meet you there." I wouldn't indulge her manipulation but I would also let her know I did not appreciate the tone.

Not ONE iota of hostile, or manipulation here, sweetie. Not one.

Anonymous wrote:If my mother sent that to me I would never in a million years call it “hostile” but I assume you have reasons to.

And why do you assume that. Even when you think Mom's text "in a million years" is not hostile, we all have to assume Mom is bad to the bone.
The text isn't hostile. Daughter is,though.

OP here. I took the advice to call her to see if something else was up. It was good advice. Thank you.
My teen son goes to her place once per week after school for help studying science, and has been arriving late regularly. Not sure if it is a transportation issue (he takes the city bus) or he is goofing off, but plan to discuss it with him.
I had not realized he was showing up late. I think in light of the issue with my son, me also needing to get to this event late was the icing on the cake for her.
I apologized for his lateness, and stressed that we appreciate her help.
She agreed to drive over with me and get there at 5:15.

Anonymous wrote:My mom and I brought tickets to a wine tasting event where you go from station to station tasting wines paired with appetizers. The event is from 5-7pm, tickets were around $30. I cannot leave work till 5, which would get me there at 5:15. She sent me a hostile text saying she planned to uber over alone and get there "at the actual start time," rather than me picking her up (I WFH and literally live three blocks away from her). This just strikes me as rude and unnecessary. If it were a sit down event it would make sense, but for something where you walk around at your own pace, I don't get it.

"Not sure why you're so hostile. You know my work hours. But, that's fine with me. I'll meet you there." I wouldn't indulge her manipulation but I would also let her know I did not appreciate the tone.

I think it’s going to be awkward for the mom to have started without OP. If mom finishes a station, then what? Will she redo it with OP later when she arrives? Tell OP to do it alone? Expect her to skip it? 15 minutes isn’t a big deal for open house type events like this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I were her I'd be annoyed that you coordinated to buy tickets to something together and then you didn't actually prioritize it and her. She has a right to be irritated - you should have better managed your schedule.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, given that an unexpected requirement arose at work that no one else could cover. I explained that, apologized to her, and also explained that I would make sure to end by no later than 5pm.

Which is understandable, but her deciding to proceed as originally planned is also understandable.

If she was having a tantrum, that wouldn't be reasonable, but taking an uber so she can still arrive at the time she planned to arrive at is totally reasonable.

It's not understandable to want to go to a social event where you don't know anyone and walk to stations eating and drinking alone. That would be so weird.

Some people have this thing where they are comfortable talking with strangers, meeting new people, making new friends, and asking questions from the wine vendors to learn something. Are you actually suggesting that someone who, say, is recently widowed, or whose friend was unable to make an evening as planned due to illness, should never go to a wine event or a movie or something alone? Should single people sit at home or stare at a wall?

OP's mom sounds like she's content to be on her own for 20 minutes at an outdoor, vendor-driven, social event. Good for her.

Cool, then wino mom who needs to get her drink on exactly at 5 can say it in a nicer way. "I really want to be there at 5 so I'll meet you there!"

Wine-loving mom probably has perpetually late/flakey OP's number, and knows that "5:15 at the latest" in OP world means "pretty darn close to 6." Good for mom, enjoying the event she paid for, being comfortable getting places on her own, being comfortable chatting with people and vendors at a social event.

If that's true then it's just as true OP has her mom's number and knows when she's being hostile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I were her I'd be annoyed that you coordinated to buy tickets to something together and then you didn't actually prioritize it and her. She has a right to be irritated - you should have better managed your schedule.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, given that an unexpected requirement arose at work that no one else could cover. I explained that, apologized to her, and also explained that I would make sure to end by no later than 5pm.

Which is understandable, but her deciding to proceed as originally planned is also understandable.

If she was having a tantrum, that wouldn't be reasonable, but taking an uber so she can still arrive at the time she planned to arrive at is totally reasonable.

It's not understandable to want to go to a social event where you don't know anyone and walk to stations eating and drinking alone. That would be so weird.

Some people have this thing where they are comfortable talking with strangers, meeting new people, making new friends, and asking questions from the wine vendors to learn something. Are you actually suggesting that someone who, say, is recently widowed, or whose friend was unable to make an evening as planned due to illness, should never go to a wine event or a movie or something alone? Should single people sit at home or stare at a wall?

OP's mom sounds like she's content to be on her own for 20 minutes at an outdoor, vendor-driven, social event. Good for her.

Cool, then wino mom who needs to get her drink on exactly at 5 can say it in a nicer way. "I really want to be there at 5 so I'll meet you there!"

Wine-loving mom probably has perpetually late/flakey OP's number, and knows that "5:15 at the latest" in OP world means "pretty darn close to 6." Good for mom, enjoying the event she paid for, being comfortable getting places on her own, being comfortable chatting with people and vendors at a social event.

Agreed. I have social anxiety and have really been trying to learn to do things solo. I'm jealous of how my mom can do things solo and chat with random people

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I were her I'd be annoyed that you coordinated to buy tickets to something together and then you didn't actually prioritize it and her. She has a right to be irritated - you should have better managed your schedule.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, given that an unexpected requirement arose at work that no one else could cover. I explained that, apologized to her, and also explained that I would make sure to end by no later than 5pm.

Which is understandable, but her deciding to proceed as originally planned is also understandable.

If she was having a tantrum, that wouldn't be reasonable, but taking an uber so she can still arrive at the time she planned to arrive at is totally reasonable.

It's not understandable to want to go to a social event where you don't know anyone and walk to stations eating and drinking alone. That would be so weird.

OP hasn't said that her mom doesn't know anyone. But many people who don't have social anxiety would be fine with coming separately to an event like this, even if it means that they're alone for the first few minutes. Judging OP's mom as "so weird" for doing that is very odd.

If OP and her mom were coming from different directions and meeting at the event would you consider that weird too?

You don't like my judgment so you're judging me? Classic.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I were her I'd be annoyed that you coordinated to buy tickets to something together and then you didn't actually prioritize it and her. She has a right to be irritated - you should have better managed your schedule.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, given that an unexpected requirement arose at work that no one else could cover. I explained that, apologized to her, and also explained that I would make sure to end by no later than 5pm.

Which is understandable, but her deciding to proceed as originally planned is also understandable.

If she was having a tantrum, that wouldn't be reasonable, but taking an uber so she can still arrive at the time she planned to arrive at is totally reasonable.

It's not understandable to want to go to a social event where you don't know anyone and walk to stations eating and drinking alone. That would be so weird.

Some people have this thing where they are comfortable talking with strangers, meeting new people, making new friends, and asking questions from the wine vendors to learn something. Are you actually suggesting that someone who, say, is recently widowed, or whose friend was unable to make an evening as planned due to illness, should never go to a wine event or a movie or something alone? Should single people sit at home or stare at a wall?

OP's mom sounds like she's content to be on her own for 20 minutes at an outdoor, vendor-driven, social event. Good for her.

Cool, then wino mom who needs to get her drink on exactly at 5 can say it in a nicer way. "I really want to be there at 5 so I'll meet you there!"

Wine-loving mom probably has perpetually late/flakey OP's number, and knows that "5:15 at the latest" in OP world means "pretty darn close to 6." Good for mom, enjoying the event she paid for, being comfortable getting places on her own, being comfortable chatting with people and vendors at a social event.

Your mom is worried your last minute thing at work won't be done at 5. Its not a big deal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

If I were her I'd be annoyed that you coordinated to buy tickets to something together and then you didn't actually prioritize it and her. She has a right to be irritated - you should have better managed your schedule.

Unfortunately, that wasn't possible, given that an unexpected requirement arose at work that no one else could cover. I explained that, apologized to her, and also explained that I would make sure to end by no later than 5pm.

Which is understandable, but her deciding to proceed as originally planned is also understandable.

If she was having a tantrum, that wouldn't be reasonable, but taking an uber so she can still arrive at the time she planned to arrive at is totally reasonable.

It's not understandable to want to go to a social event where you don't know anyone and walk to stations eating and drinking alone. That would be so weird.

Some people have this thing where they are comfortable talking with strangers, meeting new people, making new friends, and asking questions from the wine vendors to learn something. Are you actually suggesting that someone who, say, is recently widowed, or whose friend was unable to make an evening as planned due to illness, should never go to a wine event or a movie or something alone? Should single people sit at home or stare at a wall?

OP's mom sounds like she's content to be on her own for 20 minutes at an outdoor, vendor-driven, social event. Good for her.

Cool, then wino mom who needs to get her drink on exactly at 5 can say it in a nicer way. "I really want to be there at 5 so I'll meet you there!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's sort of unusual behavior by your mom, but rather than being annoyed, I would try talking to her to figure out what is going on. Maybe she feels you generally haven't been honoring your commitments to her or following through on things.

This. Or you've had things crop up at work that take longer than you say they will.

+1. I have $100 that says OP doesn't actually arrive until 5:40.

Team mom. It’s really not a big deal and wine tastings are totally fine to go to solo, especially if you’re meeting her there. It’s only a 2 hour event and everyone has experience where a 15 minute work thing takes an hour. Mom was just saying she wanted to attend the full event and will see you there once you’re able to finish work. Not a big deal.