$14K a month, but the thing is that my mom has no other expenses. Before she was in a coop with the a $3k/month fee plus general expenses (travel etc). It would feel like more money if my dad was still alive and had separate living expenses.

My mom would not want me quitting my job to take care of her. Not to mention that she needs 24/7 care at this point so that would be impossible anyway since I wouldn't get enough sleep.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom's facility is now 10K and unsurprisingly they have quite a few vacancies. I am wondering what others are paying in the DC area. Thanks!

Parent with Normal size bedroom room and tv/sitting room w/ high level of care and highest med management is 17k/monthly. I think it would’ve been 14/15K for a studio, which is basically the size of a closet and would’ve driven my parent insane.

Jeez, that seems like a lot. Where?

Anonymous wrote:Mom's facility is now 10K and unsurprisingly they have quite a few vacancies. I am wondering what others are paying in the DC area. Thanks!

Parent with Normal size bedroom room and tv/sitting room w/ high level of care and highest med management is 17k/monthly. I think it would’ve been 14/15K for a studio, which is basically the size of a closet and would’ve driven my parent insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

In USA, women aren't slaves.

+100000. I have no interest in providing unpaid labor to relatives. Watching young children is grueling and boring. Being a maid for an elderly person is awful. I am so thankful I live so where I can earn enough to outsource this care. There’s a reason white males don’t stay home with kids or sacrifice their lives to take care of their parents.

You sound awful. No mention of love.

My happiest days were spent caring for my children when they were young.

What would you rather do, get your nails done and play tennis?

So shallow and self-centered!

I'm with you PP. I loved caring for my children when they were young. My (white male) husband wanted to do it but he was able to make much more than me during the early years of our marriage.

I also cared for my elderly mother when she needed care. My (white male) husband and (white male) brothers also helped care for her, as did my sister and our adult children. Between all of us who loved and cherished her nobody was her full-time maid or caregiver.

In between caring for my young children and caring for my elderly mother were the many years I worked full-time and had more me time, but I wouldn't trade my providing care years for anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive my rookie question: is any of the cost covered by insurance, Medicare, or some other sort of benefit? Is it all out-of-pocket? (These prices are terrifying!)

It’s all out of pocket.

I’m looking for my dad now, and he will ge cash pay, but if you have long term care insurance, done might be covered, and you can write off the cash portion about 7.5% of agi on your taxes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

In USA, women aren't slaves.

+100000. I have no interest in providing unpaid labor to relatives. Watching young children is grueling and boring. Being a maid for an elderly person is awful. I am so thankful I live so where I can earn enough to outsource this care. There’s a reason white males don’t stay home with kids or sacrifice their lives to take care of their parents.

You sound awful. No mention of love.

My happiest days were spent caring for my children when they were young.

What would you rather do, get your nails done and play tennis?

So shallow and self-centered!

This is why it is important to consider how Long-Term Care Insurance may figure into a future health care and financial planning model. Given one month of AL at $9,000, I find it a bit incredulous that folks \, unless extremely well off, would complain that much about the monthly fees for such coverage. My parents were fortunate to have very good health and went between Cape Cod and Naples for about 28 years. It was health issue in her early 90s with a fractured hip that caused them to make the decision to go into a CCRC. They were able to qualify for Independent Living as my dad was able to care for my mother and brought in help as she had memory issues. There were five siblings in the area who kept my dad in particular (4 sons) active. The place was a buy in for a very large two-bedroom unit with a wraparound porch, and the estate actually did recoup all but 10% in the last six months with the unit's sale. Many of the models today are more rent. They made it to 96 for my mother and 99 for my dad.

I have found that the local senior center has excellent free programs for the community on aging and future planning issues which I would list as:
- Medicare 101
- Medicaid versus Medicare
- Long Term Care Insurance & Newer more flexible options with insurance providers
- Developing Your Long Term Plan of Care for as you age
- Local Providers - Who are they? What services to they provide? What are the costs? Is there a Waiting list?
- Local Agencies - Who are they? What are basic fees? What, if any, is baseline hours to schedule? What services are provided by which kind of folks: RN Nurse, CNA, Med Tech Certified, Home Health Aide, Sitter/Companion and Household Tasks person
- Legal Planning - And what about updating? Have you asked any designated person if they can do the task? Do you have successor designees?
- Financial Planning - Should your estate be reviewed on a fee basis by an appropriate financial person? Should your estate be managed by a wealth management group? (I know about age 90 that my dad shifted his financial decision-making to such a group?
- Consideration of when and if to move with plus and minus options - based on your health to perhaps be closer to family - not necessarily with the idea of direct care?

A rather blunt, but very informative woman lawyer was very clear that you need to have someone (perhaps your lawyer) read through any contract for an CCRC level because it is the contract that governs the services and fees. She has one presentation on the various levels of care and what the various main providers really offer in our area. Only one truly has the lifetime buy-in for a place to live and for medical care always or Contract A as she noted and not so with Contract B. Also getting clear information on what Medicare and Medicaid are is key because it is so easy to confuse both. The key with Medicaid protection for long term care is to realize that the rather short form has several questions in a row on whether there has been a transfer of assets in the last 5 years or 60 months. If this may be a part of a long term strategy, then you need to see the appropriate legal person to consider in your legal planning.

To be clear, I have listened as an educated, upper middleclass couple asked some presenters from various levels of care locally - how does one pay for nursing home care - as they had wrongly assumed that Medicare would cover it. They were very disturbed to hear the options of long-term care insurance, self-pay or Medicaid (which would entail the prior legal planning).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive my rookie question: is any of the cost covered by insurance, Medicare, or some other sort of benefit? Is it all out-of-pocket? (These prices are terrifying!)

My mom is at Asbury. We pain for an independent living apartment with the sale of her house. She pays the extra with my dads pension and social security.

If she moves to assisted living they pay with the pension and social security and tgat does not giver it so they will start using the value of her apartment towards the cost.

If they run through that money she will pay with pension and social security, which does not cover the cost but since she has no money they take the loss.

Can you clarify who “they” is? Your parents? Or some nebulous phantom many people think exists that has the power to invade people’s bank accounts, alienate their real property, etc.

Not PP but they is the facility. This is the typical approach of "continuing care communities". You buy in, and then pay a monthly maintenance fee. You have to provide a financial summary before you buy in as they'd need to make sure people have enough assets to cover life care. But they also commit to continue to care for you even if the money does run out. They do expect you to use your funds before that happens. My ILs ended up with about $250k left after various levels of care.

We visited a bunch of places recently and there are quite a few like this - both non-profits and for profits. My mother moved to a non-profit but it's a rental model rather than a buy in model. She's in IL, but AL is around $9,000/month

Much clearer. Thank you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

The sad fact is that most families need two incomes to get by these days. Women are giving their labor to corporations and simply aren’t available to provide labor at home like the did in the past

I come from an immigrant family and my mother cared for two elderly relatives in our home until their last few months when they needed a higher level of care than she could provide and they went to nursing homes.

Two incomes are required to provide a very high standard of living. You could easily live off one income if you lived in a smaller house, one limited driving vacation to see family, no kids activities outside of running around the neighborhood, one car, one TV, no iPhones etc. Most people don’t think a job is so terrible that they need to live a 1950s lifestyle. Why would a woman with options want to forgo a paycheck and the resulting luxuries to provide unpaid labor to a relative? What you’re describing is simply progress and women having better options than they did in the past.

It wouldn't be unpaid labor. By taking care of them yourself, you are avoiding the cost of assisted living - anywhere from $72,000 to $120,000 per person per year. That money that presumably the elderly parents would have used to pay for that would presumably come to you instead. (And yes, if you are the caregiver then you can and should make arrangements for the elderly relative's will to favor you rather than dividing everything equally among siblings who are not doing any caregiving.)

Needless to say, if this is your mom or dad, you are partially repaying them for the love and resources they provided to you.

I am curious if you think your kids have any obligation to care for you when you're old. You're ok with them dumping you in assisted living? That's the price of "progress"?

Or are you one of these people who says, "when I get old I'll just do assisted suicide"?

NP but I do not expect my kids to take care of me. Both of my grandmothers moved to continuing care communities. Completely their choice. One grandmother was pretty young when she went - lived there for almost 30 years, going through all 3 levels of care (independent, assisted, nursing). My mother has now moved to an IL place. Lots of socialization, low stress because everything is taken care of, daily meals. We help her, but there is no way we could care for her with 2 full time jobs, travel, etc. And thanks to the job I don't need the money she's spending on her apartment. I want her to spend it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive my rookie question: is any of the cost covered by insurance, Medicare, or some other sort of benefit? Is it all out-of-pocket? (These prices are terrifying!)

My mom is at Asbury. We pain for an independent living apartment with the sale of her house. She pays the extra with my dads pension and social security.

If she moves to assisted living they pay with the pension and social security and tgat does not giver it so they will start using the value of her apartment towards the cost.

If they run through that money she will pay with pension and social security, which does not cover the cost but since she has no money they take the loss.

Can you clarify who “they” is? Your parents? Or some nebulous phantom many people think exists that has the power to invade people’s bank accounts, alienate their real property, etc.

Not PP but they is the facility. This is the typical approach of "continuing care communities". You buy in, and then pay a monthly maintenance fee. You have to provide a financial summary before you buy in as they'd need to make sure people have enough assets to cover life care. But they also commit to continue to care for you even if the money does run out. They do expect you to use your funds before that happens. My ILs ended up with about $250k left after various levels of care.

We visited a bunch of places recently and there are quite a few like this - both non-profits and for profits. My mother moved to a non-profit but it's a rental model rather than a buy in model. She's in IL, but AL is around $9,000/month

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

The sad fact is that most families need two incomes to get by these days. Women are giving their labor to corporations and simply aren’t available to provide labor at home like the did in the past

I come from an immigrant family and my mother cared for two elderly relatives in our home until their last few months when they needed a higher level of care than she could provide and they went to nursing homes.

Two incomes are required to provide a very high standard of living. You could easily live off one income if you lived in a smaller house, one limited driving vacation to see family, no kids activities outside of running around the neighborhood, one car, one TV, no iPhones etc. Most people don’t think a job is so terrible that they need to live a 1950s lifestyle. Why would a woman with options want to forgo a paycheck and the resulting luxuries to provide unpaid labor to a relative? What you’re describing is simply progress and women having better options than they did in the past.

It wouldn't be unpaid labor. By taking care of them yourself, you are avoiding the cost of assisted living - anywhere from $72,000 to $120,000 per person per year. That money that presumably the elderly parents would have used to pay for that would presumably come to you instead. (And yes, if you are the caregiver then you can and should make arrangements for the elderly relative's will to favor you rather than dividing everything equally among siblings who are not doing any caregiving.)

Needless to say, if this is your mom or dad, you are partially repaying them for the love and resources they provided to you.

I am curious if you think your kids have any obligation to care for you when you're old. You're ok with them dumping you in assisted living? That's the price of "progress"?

Or are you one of these people who says, "when I get old I'll just do assisted suicide"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please forgive my rookie question: is any of the cost covered by insurance, Medicare, or some other sort of benefit? Is it all out-of-pocket? (These prices are terrifying!)

My mom is at Asbury. We pain for an independent living apartment with the sale of her house. She pays the extra with my dads pension and social security.

If she moves to assisted living they pay with the pension and social security and tgat does not giver it so they will start using the value of her apartment towards the cost.

If they run through that money she will pay with pension and social security, which does not cover the cost but since she has no money they take the loss.

Can you clarify who “they” is? Your parents? Or some nebulous phantom many people think exists that has the power to invade people’s bank accounts, alienate their real property, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

In USA, women aren't slaves.

They aren’t slaves in traditional cultures either, and your assertion to the contrary is an appalling example of racism.

Anonymous wrote:In my culture, children care for their aging parents except for the more serious cases. I am a bit disturbed that so many Americans leave their parents to be cared for by strangers (for decades!) and their children to be raised by strangers too (nannies). Smh.

So, you've posted the same thing in other threads, but I'll explain it to you again. My elderly parents prefer that I am able to keep my job, I am a divorced mom, I provide health insurance for myself and my children and also am funding my retirement. They do not want me to become destitute to care for them. Of course I do help them as much as I can when I'm not at work so it's not like I left them out in the street.

But you do you.

Anonymous wrote:This is so depressing. I think I will go to Switzerland and have assisted suicide instead of living in a nursing home like a zombie for years and burn all the family resource for nothing.

I will too if I can. However, it isn’t simple to do and if you have a stroke, for example, it can prove impossible. Also many people change their mind about what they can live with when it actually happens.