Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

There are so many problems with this. First off, your priority is to your husband and a strong marriage benefits your children. It is very hard to maintain a strong marriage if you’re unable to put down the kids and spend a few hours focusing solely on your spouse.

It’s also unhealthy to present a life to your kids where all mom does is cater to kids. If you’re rarely socializing without your family or going out as a couple then your kids grow up thinking that mom has no life and exists to serve others in her household. She’s not an independent person.

Your kids are going to grow up and if you don’t prioritize yourself and your marriage you’re going to end up devastated when they grow up and need to become independent people.

Another problem with the "your kids are only little once" is that you still can't go out much when they are a bit older - in fact I think it's harder. Piano lessons and sports practices and tutors and homework mean a parent needs to be around - often both parents to manage the driving. If you can find a day/time to get out without your kids, do it!

My husband plays tennis once a week after bedtime and soccer once a week Sunday mornings. I get together with friends for a mom's night about once a month. Maybe 2-3 times a year, we hire a babysitter and go out (last year we went to dinner twice and to a concert once).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

Many times SAHPs don't have built-in childcare like working parents do. When I worked full-time I had a nanny so if I wanted to go to happy hour or dinner I could just text my nanny to see if she could stay longer. If I needed to travel for work the routine didn't really change because my husband could handle mornings and evenings (and I could still ask the nanny to come early or stay late if my husband also had a work dinner or meeting). But when I became a SAHP last minute invites were much harder because I had to find childcare. I've adjusted and try to keep a list of 4-6 babysitters on file for when I need someone but my kids are older now and have activities which means I would often need someone who could handle pickup and dropoff. If I had an au pair or nanny that person would already be comfortable doing those things.

Anonymous wrote:We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Are you hanging out with SAHMs? In my friend group (which includes friends from high school, college, jobs, and neighborhood), we all work, and we all take time away from our kids. My high school and college friends aren't local so we travel to see each other 4 times a year. Professional and neighborhood friends we do dinners, weekend activities, trips, etc. Only one of these friends doesn't work, and she's the one who is always the hardest to make plans with. Maybe it's a coincidence.

I remember my parents playing in a bridge group. There were eight couples and they met once a month at someone's house, so you'd host every eight months. We always had the best food (steak, lobster, fancy cheese) after those parties!

You just have to plan and execute. Have a sitter for the kids, and either do or hire help to do all the other things. Scheduling is key since people are busy, which is why standing events are great.

My husband and I do poker nights, book club, date nights, weekends away, and sports-related activities all the time. We plan ahead and do what we need to do to pull it off. We both work full-time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

There are so many problems with this. First off, your priority is to your husband and a strong marriage benefits your children. It is very hard to maintain a strong marriage if you’re unable to put down the kids and spend a few hours focusing solely on your spouse.

It’s also unhealthy to present a life to your kids where all mom does is cater to kids. If you’re rarely socializing without your family or going out as a couple then your kids grow up thinking that mom has no life and exists to serve others in her household. She’s not an independent person.

Your kids are going to grow up and if you don’t prioritize yourself and your marriage you’re going to end up devastated when they grow up and need to become independent people.

If I could give this a thousand upvotes I would. Exactly. Every word of this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

NO. Who the hell are you to lecture another PP on how they spend their time? Stay in your own (boring) lane.

Take your own advice and pipe down, Becky.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

DP but I can't stand this logic.

DP but I can’t stand the “I know I chose to have these kids but I neeeeed to stick them with babysitters so I can socialize without them multiple times a week and pretend I’m still child free and 25” logic. Shrug.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 8, 7, 5 and 3.

I’m an introvert and don’t mind staying in. DH is an extrovert. He averages 1 or 2 nights out per week, plus he workouts every AM. We do a date night every week or two.

We do family friendly BBQs at our house and also socialize at our neighborhood pool, with kids in tow.

Funny enough I recently hosted a dinner party for 8 adults at our house. Our sitter bailed on us like 1 hour before the party started. I basically told the kids to stay in their playroom and not bother us and to my surprise, they did! We didn’t see them for the entirety of the party. I felt very much like a 1950s mom, lol.

This was my parents in the 80s, here's your dinner and snacks now stay away. And it was awesome, no adults around to bug us.

I truly feel bad for kids these days. It’s almost like some moms are stalking their kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

You guys are only home together 3 nights per week? To each their own, but I wouldn’t like that.

No one should feel bad if they have little kids and spend a lot of time home together. There’s plenty of time for dinner parties and concerts, OP, your kids will only be little once.

There are so many problems with this. First off, your priority is to your husband and a strong marriage benefits your children. It is very hard to maintain a strong marriage if you’re unable to put down the kids and spend a few hours focusing solely on your spouse.

It’s also unhealthy to present a life to your kids where all mom does is cater to kids. If you’re rarely socializing without your family or going out as a couple then your kids grow up thinking that mom has no life and exists to serve others in her household. She’s not an independent person.

Your kids are going to grow up and if you don’t prioritize yourself and your marriage you’re going to end up devastated when they grow up and need to become independent people.

We have regular sitters and try to go out at least once a week as a couple.

Most people I meet seem only interested in socializing as a family. I rarely meet a couple or woman who is open to getting together without kids. It makes me feel strange that I seem to have this desire for independence that other women don’t seem to have. When I go out with adults I also don’t feel the need to talk about kids.

The other day I got together with a mom and her child and found out the mom of a 7 year old has never had a babysitter. What?! I can’t fathom this and don’t understand how this happens. It’s not a financial thing. I do think there are a lot of women living like this these days and perhaps it’s anxiety.

Everyone can’t afford adult time after kids. Some of you are so delusional!

Anonymous wrote:Kids are 8, 7, 5 and 3.

I’m an introvert and don’t mind staying in. DH is an extrovert. He averages 1 or 2 nights out per week, plus he workouts every AM. We do a date night every week or two.

We do family friendly BBQs at our house and also socialize at our neighborhood pool, with kids in tow.

Funny enough I recently hosted a dinner party for 8 adults at our house. Our sitter bailed on us like 1 hour before the party started. I basically told the kids to stay in their playroom and not bother us and to my surprise, they did! We didn’t see them for the entirety of the party. I felt very much like a 1950s mom, lol.

This was my parents in the 80s, here's your dinner and snacks now stay away. And it was awesome, no adults around to bug us.

Anonymous wrote:My husband doesn’t socialize.

I work a job with evening and some weekend hours, so all my socializing is during weekdays with other people who have similar hours or stay home with kids.

Same here, I do tons of socializing with the SAHM crowd (playdates, brunches, shopping) and then head to work at 3 pm. I would LOVE to do something like a dinner party with my friends' families but my husband has no interest and no friends he'd be willing to do that with!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH goes out one night a week with friends. So do I. Then he and I go out one night a week. Then we go out one night a week with couple friends. We host parties sometimes- maybe once or twice a month.

Do you have a live-in nanny or au pair?

It’s called hiring a babysitter.

Dafuq