Anonymous wrote:OP: My cousin said they are “welcome anytime”. This trip was supposed to originally be just me, and I just asked if they can come and now she wants to back out of entire hosting me too. It was just supposed to me at first but they found cheap tickets. I ASKED her if it ok if they come. She could have ssid No instead of canceling me too.

If "they found cheap tickets" then you and your grandkids were already assuming they could come, it looks like. And researching flights. Without asking first.

It's not polite to add extra people at the last minute OP.

Since you considered doing that, your host probably thought they couldn't trust you not to just show up with the grandkids in tow.

Anonymous wrote:It’s awkward for her to say no. You shouldn’t have put her in that position..

This./

Anonymous wrote:Since you were planning to bring them anyway, go with the kids and have a vacation. You'll just have to stay in a hotel.

You tell her that you're sorry to hear she's not well and to let you know if you can help in any way since you'll be in town because you already bought the airline ticket. Don't mention the kids.

Do not d this. The little dog at the end of oh I bought all our plane tickets is a passive aggressive ploy to illicit an invitation. The OP has no desire to help her cousin and the cousin knows this. Fine to go and stay in a hotel but leave the cousin alone.

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Anonymous wrote:Team Cousin. Why would you do that?!?! The fault is yours. Call her and apologize. What were you thinking?

It was an ask, not a summons. OPs cousin could have said "no we don't have the room" or "we can't accommodate them too" and just proceeded with the original plans. That's what an adult would have done, vs. a petulant child, which is apparently OPs cousin.

It was a rude thing to ask. Maybe the cousin found it rude and off putting and decided they didn’t want a visit from someone rude.

JFC. It was not rude to ask. It's rarely rude to ask. And certainly not something like this. If she announced "Sue is coming on the visit with me" or showed up with extra people . . . THAT is rude.

GMAB with you judgmental, uptight types.

It's almost always rude to ask, and the people who ask, often prefacing it with "It's fine if you say no," generally don't take no for an answer.

+1000 It is always rude to ask to bring along overnight guests for an extended stay. You have to be pretty self absorbed and have no concern for others to think otherwise.

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Anonymous wrote:Hahha are you serious??? You were trying to change the plan from a single adult houseguest to add multiple teenage houseguests? Holy crap. You are waaayyyy out of line

They’re basically adults not infants.

In that case, they can stay home alone for the weekend and they will be fine.
Otherwise, the OP tells the grandkids, sorry I have plans that weekend.

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Anonymous wrote:Team Cousin. Why would you do that?!?! The fault is yours. Call her and apologize. What were you thinking?

It was an ask, not a summons. OPs cousin could have said "no we don't have the room" or "we can't accommodate them too" and just proceeded with the original plans. That's what an adult would have done, vs. a petulant child, which is apparently OPs cousin.

It was a rude thing to ask. Maybe the cousin found it rude and off putting and decided they didn’t want a visit from someone rude.

JFC. It was not rude to ask. It's rarely rude to ask. And certainly not something like this. If she announced "Sue is coming on the visit with me" or showed up with extra people . . . THAT is rude.

GMAB with you judgmental, uptight types.

It's almost always rude to ask, and the people who ask, often prefacing it with "It's fine if you say no," generally don't take no for an answer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Cousin. Why would you do that?!?! The fault is yours. Call her and apologize. What were you thinking?

It was an ask, not a summons. OPs cousin could have said "no we don't have the room" or "we can't accommodate them too" and just proceeded with the original plans. That's what an adult would have done, vs. a petulant child, which is apparently OPs cousin.

You can't repurpose "An invitation is not a summons" this way.

Try "People know who they meant to invite" -- not mentioned? Not invited.

This goes for weddings, kids' birthday parties, dinners, etc. You can explain why you have to decline ("Archibald is traveling so there's no one to watch the other kids at home," "Larla's girlfriend will be visiting, so Larla isn't coming with us") and see if the invitation changes, but you can't request it.

Since you were planning to bring them anyway, go with the kids and have a vacation. You'll just have to stay in a hotel.

You tell her that you're sorry to hear she's not well and to let you know if you can help in any way since you'll be in town because you already bought the airline ticket. Don't mention the kids.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Team Cousin. Why would you do that?!?! The fault is yours. Call her and apologize. What were you thinking?

It was an ask, not a summons. OPs cousin could have said "no we don't have the room" or "we can't accommodate them too" and just proceeded with the original plans. That's what an adult would have done, vs. a petulant child, which is apparently OPs cousin.

It was a rude thing to ask. Maybe the cousin found it rude and off putting and decided they didn’t want a visit from someone rude.

JFC. It was not rude to ask. It's rarely rude to ask. And certainly not something like this. If she announced "Sue is coming on the visit with me" or showed up with extra people . . . THAT is rude.

GMAB with you judgmental, uptight types.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s also rude to entirely cancel on short notice. The least cousin can do is pay for flight ticket that OP purchased.

It's rude to invite extra people on short notice too. According to OP it's a month away. It's not short notice when she wants to invite extra people, but it's short notice when cousin cancels? You can't have it both ways.

She didn't "invite." She ASKED a family member ahead of time. And cousin over-reacted. And it can be "both ways" because OP already had her ticket. That's a big difference.

Anonymous wrote:It’s also rude to entirely cancel on short notice. The least cousin can do is pay for flight ticket that OP purchased.

It's rude to invite extra people on short notice too. According to OP it's a month away. It's not short notice when she wants to invite extra people, but it's short notice when cousin cancels? You can't have it both ways.

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Anonymous wrote:Team Cousin. Why would you do that?!?! The fault is yours. Call her and apologize. What were you thinking?

It was an ask, not a summons. OPs cousin could have said "no we don't have the room" or "we can't accommodate them too" and just proceeded with the original plans. That's what an adult would have done, vs. a petulant child, which is apparently OPs cousin.

It was a rude thing to ask.

Maybe the cousin found it rude and off putting and decided they didn’t want a visit from someone rude.

It’s family.

So?

When did people stop allowing family over? It seems today that no one is welcome in homes. I remember when people celebrated being around family.

They're welcome when invited. INVITED is the key word.

You booked a flight but now want to bring others? Do they have flights? You’re going to get last minute fares? I don’t believe any of this.

Team OP.

Don’t be a jerk and uninvite somebody when they’ve already paid for their ticket.

Grow a spine and decline extra guests but don’t cancel or uninvite your family member. That’s a huge asshole move.