Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.

It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.

This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians

Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though

Ha! Not just them.
Eastern Europe (or former ussr rather?), China… basically places where it’s very very hard to be poor.
As someone from one of these countries I say Americans have a great safety net, despite a common misconception. So no need to be so afraid.

Yeah and it's amazing with all their early outstanding performances that they don't deliver more to the world..... hmm there must be something to that.

Anonymous wrote:The funny thing is most of the kids will be wiped out by 12-13 anyway making room for new talent to emerge

+1

Anonymous wrote:What’s wrong with saying the world needs J Crew salespeople? I am a different poster fwiw. I honestly will be fine with any job my kid has as long as he is diligent at it and he can live independently even if very modestly.

The person writing that doesn’t exactly indicate that HER kids will have those professions, and she is SO proud. Knock it off, people who throw in crap like that.

What’s wrong with saying the world needs J Crew salespeople? I am a different poster fwiw. I honestly will be fine with any job my kid has as long as he is diligent at it and he can live independently even if very modestly.

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard. I hate hearing my ten year old say he is too old to try a new sport, but I hate even more than he is right.

He isn't right.

If you come from the standpoint that the point of sports is to be the best, then maybe that's harder at 10. But if the point is to be physically fit, and enjoy being with other people, and learn something new, then he's not too old at all. My kids have both picked up sports since their 10th birthdays.

I would be concerned he might be learning the wrong thing from you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.

It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.

This person is signaling 2nd gen Indians

Indians are obsessed with the rat race from a very early age though

Ha! Not just them.
Eastern Europe (or former ussr rather?), China… basically places where it’s very very hard to be poor.
As someone from one of these countries I say Americans have a great safety net, despite a common misconception. So no need to be so afraid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you think it’s some kind of culture or attitude that’s been imported? I ask as an immigrant from Eastern Europe and many parents in my community are truly crazy about stuffing their kids with as many activities as possible. I know this community is not the only one like that. It creates and feeds the whole industry of tutoring centers of all kinds.
On the other hand, before I came here I had this idea of the American way of life where kids have fun at school, they try new activities and sports, and if they work hard (being on the team) and get good grades they go to college. Where did it all go?

I mean, I do think we are seeing the impact of certain hyper-competitive parenting approaches, some of which yes, were associated with some immigrant communities, and created a kind of race to the bottom. But it's also all spurred by this belief in socioeconomic mobility which makes people in the US (whether immigrants or not) believe that if they can just position their children appropriately, success and riches will follow. And this implies that if you don't position your kids correctly, failure and poverty could follow.

It seems like it's driven by opportunity but it's actually driven by fear of failure. It's capitalism run amok.

The funny thing is, it’s hard to become UMC, and people who are MC often have it harder than lower income people.
At least this is my experience living in a very blue state with large high COL areas. A single adult earning $60k can apply for subsidized housing and someone earning 80k cannot - too much income. The first person will earn their SS retirement anyway, will be able to apply for senior housing (even cheaper), get benefits, help from their kids hopefully… maybe save up in their 401k too.
Sometimes it makes sense to step out of the rat race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An athletic kid at 10 can start a new sport and do well. This is especially true of girls, sports where there aren't huge numbers of competitors, sports where raw athletic ability outweighs technical skill (e.g. soccer and basketball), and sports where people usually start later, anyway (e.g. wrestling).

Johnny Weir got a package of group skating lessons at 10 and won the US men's figure skating title three times.

Mason Cox, a pro Australian Rules Football player from the USA, was only a couple of months from hearing the sport existed before scoring his first goal in his first game, in front of ten thousand+ fans.

The thing that most people don't want to hear is that genetics trump hard work and dedication 9 times out of 10 in sports. A kid can constantly train and be dedicated from the earliest age possible and a naturally athletic kids who is bigger, stronger, and faster and pick up a sport and take the dedicated kid's roster spot without much effort. Around middle and especially in high school you see a lot of this.

I accept this is true and I do because it’s ‘easier’ for me because I have a girl (also 8, like OP’s son), who had gross motor delays, where I spent most of the 6 years of her life taking her to PT, EI meetings, therapies. We enrolled her in swim lessons and have her play basketball on a girl’s team and she’s a fairly good swimmer, and can mostly keep up with the team and scored in a game, which is amazing, and even stole the ball. She’s also small for her age, though we are not particularly small folk over here. She in all likelihood will not be the star athlete in anything but she’s learned a love of water, of playing, and of really being persistent. She can ride a bike, she started an after school tennis activity 2 months ago, having never picked up a racket, and ‘scored’ recently, whatever that means.

She may always be ‘average’ with that stuff - maybe with other stuff, I don’t know yet. She gets good grades and feedback and was invited to apply to G&T but we declined because our school is already pretty nuts. I’m typing this all out because I feel intense anxiety at times and worry about her neurology, since no cause was found for the delays, and wonder if she’ll always be one of the smallest (she’s also one of the youngest in her grade, and there’s zero red-shirting here). But when I know everything I’ve written is true, I am also so proud. She’s so cheerful and resilient and as my DH said, “balanced.” She takes things well, hiccups don’t end in tantrums, she can roll with things. I think that quality may come because of the initial adversity that is now ‘average.’ But she’s not average in the way some braggart parents would want me to feel. I don’t feel that way because I know that their opinions are meaningless and that people who scrounge and eye each other and one-up aren’t anyone I could ever actually respect. It is what it is, OP. I’m guessing we could probably connect on our experiences.

The person who said the world needs J Crew salesmen too - I hope a series of rats and squirrels chew through the wiring in hour house off and on over the next few years, at random. Bless your heart.

Anonymous wrote:An athletic kid at 10 can start a new sport and do well. This is especially true of girls, sports where there aren't huge numbers of competitors, sports where raw athletic ability outweighs technical skill (e.g. soccer and basketball), and sports where people usually start later, anyway (e.g. wrestling).

Johnny Weir got a package of group skating lessons at 10 and won the US men's figure skating title three times.

Mason Cox, a pro Australian Rules Football player from the USA, was only a couple of months from hearing the sport existed before scoring his first goal in his first game, in front of ten thousand+ fans.

The thing that most people don't want to hear is that genetics trump hard work and dedication 9 times out of 10 in sports. A kid can constantly train and be dedicated from the earliest age possible and a naturally athletic kids who is bigger, stronger, and faster and pick up a sport and take the dedicated kid's roster spot without much effort. Around middle and especially in high school you see a lot of this.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- I appreciate everyone’s responses. I know most kids and people are average, but some kids are ahead developmentally or better coordinated, or did start sports at a younger age. I felt bad when my kid was told that he sucks at everything. Which isn’t true, because he is extremely kind and empathetic. He is my youngest, and I didn’t see the kindness and empathy in my older kids as much as I see in him. To be told that he sucks at everything, because he is not the best at basketball, soccer, baseball etc.. is just rude and unfair. But as a kid, he does ask, what am I good at? Do I really suck at everything? He is only 8.

Yes we did move to the best school district, and in hindsight might not have been the best decision.

You should’ve married an athletic stallion damn

OP here- I appreciate everyone’s responses. I know most kids and people are average, but some kids are ahead developmentally or better coordinated, or did start sports at a younger age. I felt bad when my kid was told that he sucks at everything. Which isn’t true, because he is extremely kind and empathetic. He is my youngest, and I didn’t see the kindness and empathy in my older kids as much as I see in him. To be told that he sucks at everything, because he is not the best at basketball, soccer, baseball etc.. is just rude and unfair. But as a kid, he does ask, what am I good at? Do I really suck at everything? He is only 8.

Yes we did move to the best school district, and in hindsight might not have been the best decision.

Oh geez. Most people are average.

An athletic kid at 10 can start a new sport and do well. This is especially true of girls, sports where there aren't huge numbers of competitors, sports where raw athletic ability outweighs technical skill (e.g. soccer and basketball), and sports where people usually start later, anyway (e.g. wrestling).

Johnny Weir got a package of group skating lessons at 10 and won the US men's figure skating title three times.

Mason Cox, a pro Australian Rules Football player from the USA, was only a couple of months from hearing the sport existed before scoring his first goal in his first game, in front of ten thousand+ fans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s so hard. I hate hearing my ten year old say he is too old to try a new sport, but I hate even more than he is right.

There will always be rowing fencing and lacrosse

My son’s friend went from a chubby loud kid to an excellent rower in high school. No sports before that. He went to Tufts.

My 11 year old just started basketball. She’s not headed to NBA but hopefully she’ll have an enjoyable activity.

People exaggerate, lie or honestly think their kids are extraordinarily. It’s mathematically impossible that every student is in the top 1%.

Think back on your 10 year old self. Have you grown since then? Are there opportunities you foreclosed on at the time because you thought you weren’t good enough but now wish you had tried? What are you teaching your kid if you tell him not to play a sport because he won’t be the best? Do you want to raise a child who thinks the only reason to exercise is if you can be better than others? That their life is over at 10? That they missed the opportunity train and it’s all over? This is crazy talk.