My guess is she saw sick relatives but didn't focus on the details.

I'd have your daughter bring a card to school and explain her situation.

I’m surprised she said no - I wouldn’t have done that. But some people are weird. Now you know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

OP here. This is actually 100% my takeaway. Next time I’ll just “forget” to respond to the very last minute. Or just RSVP yes and cancel if necessary. People change RSVP’s on us all the time and it’s no big deal. Lesson learned.

Thanks all for the perspective. Going to try to forget about it now.

You sound pretty nasty. They were your back up plan to your plans falling apart. Maybe you are why they said no.

They had a guest limit and reached it. It does not matter why. It could be the food, entertainment, or just the family only wants to deal with x number of kids.

Or once your kid said no, they invited another kid that does not mesh well with yours.

Either way, you rsvp-ed no. You have zero right to be upset.

OP, your daughter was invited. You choose to have her decline. You asked if she could come when you changed your plans and were told no. How is this even an issue? Its fine to reach out and ask but you seem pretty entitled to expect them to rearrange everything if they have a specific things planned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

Max capacity is whatever they determine it to be regardless of house size. If they decide 5 kids is all they want to deal with that’s max capacity. Not everyone wants hordes of kids in their house.

+100. My husband has a debilitating illness, and not everyone knows about it. So all of you with your “they should do this” and “they should do that” can cram it and mind your business. We do the best we can to carry on life to its fullest, as much as we can. But his illness drains us both of our energy and our overall capacity—not to mention our finances—so we do have to limit things when it comes to hosting and socializing. Mind your business. Some of you seriously have no clue what other people are dealing with, and your “they should” attitude is beyond disgusting.

Same situation—sorry for all you are going through, PP.

My mind also immediately went to: you just have no idea what else this person is managing, including things that may have arisen since sending the invite that may have her regretting planning a party in the first place. Not everything is about you or about things you know about. Assume that something like this is not.

It’s weird that she wasn’t excited about the plans, but not everyone is a “more the merrier” type.

It’s also possible she misread your note and thought people who live in your house were sick and that’s why your visit was cancelled. Even if your daughter felt ok, I would have also said “no, please keep your germs at home”.

I think the best thing is for your daughter to make a card for her friend and give it to her friend at school tomorrow and tell her she’s sorry she won’t be there. She can mention that she was supposed to be out of town, but the trip was canceled last minute because the people you were supposed to visit are sick.

Op, don’t think you did anything wrong here and agree the mom’s response was puzzling. But it’s her party and it is what it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

OP here. This is actually 100% my takeaway. Next time I’ll just “forget” to respond to the very last minute. Or just RSVP yes and cancel if necessary. People change RSVP’s on us all the time and it’s no big deal. Lesson learned.

Thanks all for the perspective. Going to try to forget about it now.

That's a selfish and awful takeaway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

OP here. This is actually 100% my takeaway. Next time I’ll just “forget” to respond to the very last minute. Or just RSVP yes and cancel if necessary. People change RSVP’s on us all the time and it’s no big deal. Lesson learned.

Thanks all for the perspective. Going to try to forget about it now.

I wouldn't do this. It's a jerk move to not RSVP relatively promptly even if a lot of people seem to do this unfortunately. My guess if they have a cousin or something they invited instead that may not show up on the evite and there is some activity-based limit (dinner, spa, whatever).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:After your daughter declined the invitation, they reached out to someone else, and now they are at max capacity. Nothing weird except you starting a thread on DCUM about this, as if it is some big deal.

When we plan a sleepover party, we have a max guest limit. If someone declines, we usually pinch-hit with my local cousin’s kids (and vice-versa, we don’t stand on ceremony about “B-list” blah blah blah, we’re family). Once the max is hit, the max is hit. Sorry ‘bout ya.

Its not a sleepover. What is "max capacity" at a large suburban house?

Max capacity is whatever they determine it to be regardless of house size. If they decide 5 kids is all they want to deal with that’s max capacity. Not everyone wants hordes of kids in their house.

+100. My husband has a debilitating illness, and not everyone knows about it. So all of you with your “they should do this” and “they should do that” can cram it and mind your business. We do the best we can to carry on life to its fullest, as much as we can. But his illness drains us both of our energy and our overall capacity—not to mention our finances—so we do have to limit things when it comes to hosting and socializing. Mind your business. Some of you seriously have no clue what other people are dealing with, and your “they should” attitude is beyond disgusting.

I’m sorry for your difficulties. Don’t waste your breath on DCUM, though. These harpies will never, ever think to consider other perspectives, experiences or possibilities. They only see the world through their own limited view.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

OP here. This is actually 100% my takeaway. Next time I’ll just “forget” to respond to the very last minute. Or just RSVP yes and cancel if necessary. People change RSVP’s on us all the time and it’s no big deal. Lesson learned.

Thanks all for the perspective. Going to try to forget about it now.

I hope you switched up your facts because if you didn't, there will be no next time if the other mother reads this

Not local.

How old are they? Did she actually just write “no”?
It seems kind of small on the party mom’s part.

I’m sure your daughter will be able to find out what they did. She should explain to her friend what happened and she was sorry to miss it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

OP here. This is actually 100% my takeaway. Next time I’ll just “forget” to respond to the very last minute. Or just RSVP yes and cancel if necessary. People change RSVP’s on us all the time and it’s no big deal. Lesson learned.

Thanks all for the perspective. Going to try to forget about it now.

I hope you switched up your facts because if you didn't, there will be no next time if the other mother reads this

Anonymous wrote:She is miffed you were wiffe waffling
Lesson learned: no deadline to RSVP? Don’t say no until last moment

OP here. This is actually 100% my takeaway. Next time I’ll just “forget” to respond to the very last minute. Or just RSVP yes and cancel if necessary. People change RSVP’s on us all the time and it’s no big deal. Lesson learned.

Thanks all for the perspective. Going to try to forget about it now.