Reach deep inside & make sure this isn't about you & that you'd feel this way about any girl with your son. The "not respecting our rules" makes me wonder about that.

If it's not you & anyone would hate this relationship right now, then hold out hope that being together in person will end it. Instead of the fantasies that can come with long distance, the every day reality might open their eyes to issues. Might take longer than you want but college couples break up all the time.

Do not try to manipulate majors or dorms & do not disparage her or the relationship. If they do stay together, that will be remembered.

Unfortunately our kids will make choices we don't agree with. Sometimes it is because we can see it's a bad idea. Other times it's not how we pictured things for them. Regardless if they're out of high school, it's their life to lead.

You are making it a bigger drama then it can be on its own.

Great way to just pour stress and conflict now so it can be avoided later.

Anonymous wrote:If this is a big school, I wouldn’t worry about it. If they break up, they won’t be running into each other at the only cafeteria or library on campus.

Can you insist on separate dorms preferably far apart? Sure while they’re together they’ll still spend 99% of their time in one persons dorm, but if they break up it gives them the physical separation of not having to see each other as they all hustle to a 10 am class. Separate majors for the same reason?

So basically you dictate housing and major preferences based on break up not for what your kid prefers?

If this is a big school, I wouldn’t worry about it. If they break up, they won’t be running into each other at the only cafeteria or library on campus.

Can you insist on separate dorms preferably far apart? Sure while they’re together they’ll still spend 99% of their time in one persons dorm, but if they break up it gives them the physical separation of not having to see each other as they all hustle to a 10 am class. Separate majors for the same reason?

I've seen parents trying to breakup relationships of their adult children in their mid and late 20's, thinking their kid can do better or its not the right time, only for their kids to end up alone or settle for someone who they don't love and who is even less compatible. Often getting divorced after sour and stressed years and legal battles.

Felicity, anyone? (Am I showing my age?)

As someone who married her high school boyfriend who happened to go to the same college, you need to drop the rope!

His parents didn't like me either. We've been married 20 years and I'm the mother of their only grandchildren.

Think big picture, OP. Your rules for your teenager are about to be inconsequential for your young adult son

I did something similar in 1990. Eventually, we broke up, and I went on to marry a great person. So it may work out in the end.

BRW this is your point of view and its not your life to live so try to see it from his perspective.

It may seem unlikely at this point but proceed with caution as they may end up together and she would remember how you made her feel.

Keep your boundaries and let relationship run its course naturally. If it ends, he'll eventually bounce back. If its meant to be then there is nothing you can do other than getting yourself alienated.

You're approaching this with the mindset that this is a huge deal and a huge mistake, and it may not be. If the college is sizeable, they can get past a breakup and move on. If worse comes to worse and they cannot tolerate seeing each other at the same school, one can transfer. Also, who knows, maybe the relationship improves and they mature. It sounds like it's too late to change paths now, so I would just see what happens while also discussing boundaries and priorities.

Anonymous wrote:I want the relationship to end. My biggest fear is that it continues. But I know that if it ends it’s going to come with a great deal of difficulty.

Then don’t say a thing about it. Prepare for college as you would if he were going anywhere. Don’t encourage him to branch out and make separate friends. He doesn’t want to hear that at his age and won’t listen to your advice.

I picked my college 100% because of my long term boyfriend. We broke up shortly after and there wasn’t huge drama. Life moved on quickly in college.

If they have a dysfunctional, long distance relationship, this time together may set them on a better path.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My step-daughter did this. Difference is, we actually loved her BF though. He BF passed on some of his acceptances and was admitted to her first choice school to start in the Spring. They had a long distance relationship the first semester. He came on campus in the Spring and they dated for a while but then broke up.

Her story: Even though they had promised each other that they would "wait", he was tempted by other college girls who were willing to go farther than she would. My SD is finishing her Jr year now, She is single and still a virgin. She and her exBF are still friendly but have not rekindled their relationship.

You are way too involved in the life of your (likely) 21 year old SD

yeah that post is well creepy and likely fictional