Anonymous wrote:She is saying it is her money and don’t worry how she is spending it.
By the way I know your father in-laws is rich and you will get some of that money.

By expressing concern for their financial plan, it sounds like OPs parents aren’t wealthy enough to keep the brother in the lifestyle he desires and save enough for their long term care. These parents are likely to come to OP when their money runs low.

OP should not provide one penny! She can remind her mother that she tried to warn them but it fell on rude, deaf ears.

Op, you are toooo invested in this nutty family

Create your own healthy, successful life. That's the only thing any of us can do.

This isn't about money. This is about sibling favoritism. Often the loser sibling gets a lot of support while the responsible sibling gets nothing. As OP indicates, the "loser" sibling appears to be capable (but probably actually isn't in real life).

OP, it appears that your parents, presumably of sound mind when not medicated, don't appreciate your input on their finances and are unwilling to consider any advice. Stop giving it. Let it go.

How to interpret the google stalking? Just don't interpret it. Not worth it. Ignore.

She is saying it is her money and don’t worry how she is spending it.
By the way I know your father in-laws is rich and you will get some of that money.

OP. You sound like a spoiled rich girl who expects her parents money. Make your own money and grow up.

Sounds horrible OP! Do you belong you belong to a religious or ethnicity that favors men by chance? My dad did.

Anonymous wrote:I've never seen these, or the final wills threads, as being about the money. You never see these OPs saying "I really want that money. I need the money." Because it not usually about that. It's about the meaning behind the money and what it communicates to all of the parties involved. It's such a simplistic way of looking at family dynamics to say "they can spend their money however they want, you're not entitled to it." Thinking another way - all of you would be OK with one niece from a sibling getting money from a will, one nephew from another sibling getting money from a will, and your child being left out. You're telling me that would be OK with you? That would sting, on your child's behalf? That's all people are reacting to - that sting of not being treated in a way that says "I love you, too."

Agree.

If your parents are giving too much and will be asking you for money as they age, then I’d be upset.

Your mother is in a toxic co dependent relationship with your brother. It can and probably is much worse than her just bankrolling him now. She feels that he is entitled to everything and you are entitled to nothing. She probably isn’t thinking ahead financially but if pushed probably expects that you should come to their rescue financially. She may even harbor expectations that you will support your brother after she’s gone. She’s eyeing your husband’s family”s money as another potential source for your brother.

You should ignore the crazy text and cyber stalking. Be calm and clear with her, that you and your husband who are completely financially independent need to save for your children. Tell her with the cost of college and your own retirement She needs a financial plan for her and your fathers long term care. Be clear that her trying to figure out how much your father in law is worth as her financial plan is not going to pan out for her.

Get therapy or internally start accepting that you’ll need to walk away. At the least they will continue only giving to him and taking from you. At the most, they will attempt to saddle you with your brother as a financial burden.

Either you have a family where people make comments on where other people give their money or you don’t. You wanted the former, you chose it by getting in their business. Her comment is at least polite so it’s better than yours.

You should probably assume they did this to show you how rude you were being but they aren’t willing to go quite as far as you did.

Anonymous wrote:I've never seen these, or the final wills threads, as being about the money. You never see these OPs saying "I really want that money. I need the money." Because it not usually about that. It's about the meaning behind the money and what it communicates to all of the parties involved. It's such a simplistic way of looking at family dynamics to say "they can spend their money however they want, you're not entitled to it." Thinking another way - all of you would be OK with one niece from a sibling getting money from a will, one nephew from another sibling getting money from a will, and your child being left out. You're telling me that would be OK with you? That would sting, on your child's behalf? That's all people are reacting to - that sting of not being treated in a way that says "I love you, too."

Agree. It’s the underlying feeling of being left out that hurts. Of course there can be extenuating circumstances. If OP’s brother were severely disabled and would never be able to support himself, it could make sense if the parents created a trust for him. But I would hope there would have been family discussions around this so siblings understand the reasoning and it has nothing to do with familial love. I imagine that would take the sting out of it. But OP’s brother has 2 masters degrees and is capable of living alone so that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I think it needs to not matter to you and you're the only person who can get there.