1SWMom
05/09/2023 19:04
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:My BD today. DH went away with a few of his besties this weekend as one had a big BD. He needs a break so great that he could get away.
He got in very, very late so is still asleep. He left two gifts for me on table - the bigger gift wrap included 2 t-shirts from his weekend destination - perhaps a 13 y.o. could fit in they are so small. The smaller is a truly knock off Alhambra bracelet and too small for my wrist.
The cards are wonderful and thrilled that he thinks I am the same size from our early years. Just wish he would have stopped there. He probably spent all in 2-3K for his weekend away and these gifts probably come in at around $50 total.
Just wish he would have left it with the cards.
Vent done.
I’m sorry, if this is an isolated incident (which I doubt) then perhaps he is just not a great gift giver and it can be overlooked or a discussion can be had.
Otherwise I’d leave him, you deserve better and more thoughtful.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 18:33
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Happy birthday! Well, at least he was self deprecating about it. Hope the rest of the day/night is better.
DH is a sort great gift giver. He’s a spender and I’ve told him many times that I’m not a bauble type girl. I have to be careful what I say even when it’s not near near bday or holiday. Random chatting one time and I mentioned how much DS and his friend loved hanging out and hiding under a mature willow tree when they were 3 or 4. I said, I miss that willow tree, have never seen one as beautiful. Guess what’s in my front yard! That mofo is gigantic. Oh and don’t get me started on the piano. I guess this is what you kids would call his love language.
DH is a sort great gift giver. He’s a spender and I’ve told him many times that I’m not a bauble type girl. I have to be careful what I say even when it’s not near near bday or holiday. Random chatting one time and I mentioned how much DS and his friend loved hanging out and hiding under a mature willow tree when they were 3 or 4. I said, I miss that willow tree, have never seen one as beautiful. Guess what’s in my front yard! That mofo is gigantic. Oh and don’t get me started on the piano. I guess this is what you kids would call his love language.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 18:21
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Sorry OP. I have a DH who is amazing in pretty much every way except he is a terrible gift giver. It’s fine, I’ve made my peace with it. But I understand where you are coming from.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 17:59
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Ash earrings and book light ladies - ooof!
DH and I have gotten a lot better about discussing gift giving, etc. Perhaps that's why I was a little surprised that he seemed to have fallen back into old habits.
Had a great BD dinner and lots of chuckles over the morning surprise.
DH and I have gotten a lot better about discussing gift giving, etc. Perhaps that's why I was a little surprised that he seemed to have fallen back into old habits.
Had a great BD dinner and lots of chuckles over the morning surprise.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 17:56
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:Grow up. Or marry a mind-reader.
Perhaps you missed my earlier posts on how we had discussed possible gifts....
Anonymous
05/09/2023 14:35
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I get your disappointment, OP. It's not about what you actually got but that it shows a lack of thought, a lack of consideration, of not being heard.
You may have seen my post about my experience. One Christmas season, my DH asked me if liked the book lights that were clipped to the lamp by my bed. I said "no". I explained my mother had given them to the kids who didn't use them, I didn't use them, didn't like to use one but didn't feel I could get rid of them so stuck them there.
Guess what he got me for Christmas? A freakin book light. It would have been better to have gotten nothing.
Okay, I hope I don't get flamed for this, but is is possible, the conversation went like this, according to your DH
DH: do you like those book lights?
DW: No. My mom bought them for the kids and didn't use them. So I took them and tried them, but I don't like them either. They are too bright and actually a little heavy which makes it harder to read the book, especially as I get sleepy.
DH thinks to himself "hmmm, what if I get her a book light with adjustable brightness, so its not too bright, and make sure its light enough so it doesnt make holding the book too heavy."
Basically, assume good intent, ya know
Book light recipient here. Not flaming you! Your scenario would be plausible if I read physical books. I pretty much only read on a Kindle - which I also noted. I explicitly stated that I didn't like them and wouldn't use it.
DH has given me gifts that have missed the mark that I was fine with because I recognized he'd tried. Who hasn't missed the mark a time or two? The book light, though, was an example of another issue we have in our relationship - where DH doesn't listen to what I say: He may think I really don't mean what I said, he didn't really listen to what I said or he thinks he knows better than I do what I actually want. I don't expect him to be mind reader - I give him ideas of things I'd like...I don't understand it....
Anonymous
05/09/2023 12:04
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:I get your disappointment, OP. It's not about what you actually got but that it shows a lack of thought, a lack of consideration, of not being heard.
You may have seen my post about my experience. One Christmas season, my DH asked me if liked the book lights that were clipped to the lamp by my bed. I said "no". I explained my mother had given them to the kids who didn't use them, I didn't use them, didn't like to use one but didn't feel I could get rid of them so stuck them there.
Guess what he got me for Christmas? A freakin book light. It would have been better to have gotten nothing.
Okay, I hope I don't get flamed for this, but is is possible, the conversation went like this, according to your DH
DH: do you like those book lights?
DW: No. My mom bought them for the kids and didn't use them. So I took them and tried them, but I don't like them either. They are too bright and actually a little heavy which makes it harder to read the book, especially as I get sleepy.
DH thinks to himself "hmmm, what if I get her a book light with adjustable brightness, so its not too bright, and make sure its light enough so it doesnt make holding the book too heavy."
Basically, assume good intent, ya know
Anonymous
05/09/2023 12:03
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:I get your disappointment, OP. It's not about what you actually got but that it shows a lack of thought, a lack of consideration, of not being heard.
You may have seen my post about my experience. One Christmas season, my DH asked me if liked the book lights that were clipped to the lamp by my bed. I said "no". I explained my mother had given them to the kids who didn't use them, I didn't use them, didn't like to use one but didn't feel I could get rid of them so stuck them there.
Guess what he got me for Christmas? A freakin book light. It would have been better to have gotten nothing.
This is me as well.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 11:41
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the ‘high maintenance’ judgements. It appears that you’ve pointed out enough times that you find gifts - gifts chosen with thought - a loving gesture. Its not news to him so you have every reason to feel hurt by these thoughtless gestures. I believe you when you say a card would have been enough-and I can see that these useless gifts even diminish the cards he did give you. If you’ve made clear you only like chocolate ice cream and DH gets you vanilla time and again he wouldn’t be getting brownie points just because hey he got you a dessert.
I agree! So many dcum women seem to have such low expectations of men that they attack any women who wants/expects more. I learned long ago OP that my dh would never give a proper gift. So, I buy my own and really encourage him just to give me a card.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 11:27
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
Grow up. Or marry a mind-reader.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 10:27
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:My husband can't get past the idea that I will only ever enjoy body products - oils, bath bombs, lotions, etc. I've developed some kind of chemical allergy - did the whole panel on the back allergy test - and I'm allergic to a lot of things in lotions so I just stick with the one I know is OK. I told him this. He still buys them, because he just can't fathom what else I might like. I have a lot of hobbies, how about one of those?? It's ridiculous.
However, I knew this when I married him. I've told this story here before too. When we were dating, we both talked about our separate times hiking Mt. St. Helens and how bizarre it felt to be there. (This was 20 years ago). He mentioned he bought his girlfriend earrings made out of the ash, but never got to give them to her because they broke up before her birthday. I mentioned at the time, well, might be a good thing. No one wants ash earrings, and they don't sound too pretty.
You know where this going. Christmas rolls around and that was my present. They were as hideous as one would have thought by the way.
I'm the book light poster. Our DH's must be related.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 09:23
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
My husband can't get past the idea that I will only ever enjoy body products - oils, bath bombs, lotions, etc. I've developed some kind of chemical allergy - did the whole panel on the back allergy test - and I'm allergic to a lot of things in lotions so I just stick with the one I know is OK. I told him this. He still buys them, because he just can't fathom what else I might like. I have a lot of hobbies, how about one of those?? It's ridiculous.
However, I knew this when I married him. I've told this story here before too. When we were dating, we both talked about our separate times hiking Mt. St. Helens and how bizarre it felt to be there. (This was 20 years ago). He mentioned he bought his girlfriend earrings made out of the ash, but never got to give them to her because they broke up before her birthday. I mentioned at the time, well, might be a good thing. No one wants ash earrings, and they don't sound too pretty.
You know where this going. Christmas rolls around and that was my present. They were as hideous as one would have thought by the way.
However, I knew this when I married him. I've told this story here before too. When we were dating, we both talked about our separate times hiking Mt. St. Helens and how bizarre it felt to be there. (This was 20 years ago). He mentioned he bought his girlfriend earrings made out of the ash, but never got to give them to her because they broke up before her birthday. I mentioned at the time, well, might be a good thing. No one wants ash earrings, and they don't sound too pretty.
You know where this going. Christmas rolls around and that was my present. They were as hideous as one would have thought by the way.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 09:01
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:Ugh I can't deal with grown adults that get in the feels about their birthday.
Go buy yourself what you want.
Non one is asking you to deal. Scroll along if this is not for you. To some it is important that their DH puts some thought into their wives once in awhile.
Anonymous
05/09/2023 09:00
Subject: BD gift disappointment and vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He thought about you, said there is that. Don’t expect people to read your mind. Tell him what you would like for a present before your next birthday, Christmas, etc
No, there is not that. He's a grown up. He doesn't need to have everything spoonfed to him like a fuxxing child. I'm all for hints or ideas for gifts, within reason. But sometimes, you can expect them to listen, to know what your own wife likes. Somehow Im able to do that. . .
Why you doormat women give your loser husbands a pass for everything is beyond me.
What an idiot. He is a loser because he bought gifts she did not like??
Grow up.
Yes, men who can't think about their wives likes and dislikes, and be thoughtful on their birthday. Or who expect to be told what to do like a child = losers. Sorry if your DH is one. Hit a nerve?
Anonymous
05/09/2023 08:22
Subject: Re:BD gift disappointment and vent
I get your disappointment, OP. It's not about what you actually got but that it shows a lack of thought, a lack of consideration, of not being heard.
You may have seen my post about my experience. One Christmas season, my DH asked me if liked the book lights that were clipped to the lamp by my bed. I said "no". I explained my mother had given them to the kids who didn't use them, I didn't use them, didn't like to use one but didn't feel I could get rid of them so stuck them there.
Guess what he got me for Christmas? A freakin book light. It would have been better to have gotten nothing.
You may have seen my post about my experience. One Christmas season, my DH asked me if liked the book lights that were clipped to the lamp by my bed. I said "no". I explained my mother had given them to the kids who didn't use them, I didn't use them, didn't like to use one but didn't feel I could get rid of them so stuck them there.
Guess what he got me for Christmas? A freakin book light. It would have been better to have gotten nothing.