Anonymous wrote:$50K+ car screams emotional insecurity in all of you.

Such a waste of humanity's effort and nature's energy to indulge people like this.

This is a dumb post. You have no concept of how much cars cost and likely haven't bought one in ages. My minivan costs nearly $50K. It is not a flashy car but it is one that is now on backorder at all dealerships.

Getting a good car will cost at least $40-$50K.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, if he brings in $3M a year, then yes he gets special treatment when it comes to finances!

If he brings in $300K and you're a SAHM, you can arguably say that your sacrifices enabled him to go from $150K to $300K and that if you had a SAH spouse and were similarly committed to your career, you could also bring in $300K. So in that case, you're still an equal financial partner despite being a SAHM.

But let's be real - $3M is such an outlandishly high income that he deserves more say than you in how that's spent (especially if that money is not even spent on your immediate family).

OP here. I had a lot of earning potential. I earned more than DH when we got married. I mommy tracked myself once we had kids so his income continued to rise. I was actually in a more lucrative field than DH. Strangely we usually barely talk about money. He earns a lot. We do whatever I want. This is probably the first fight over money we had ever.

OP I think people are being harsh here because you're so rich, but you have a valid question. And the problem is the bolded part above. I think in every marriage, if one spouse stays at home, there needs to be a frank and open conversation to set out financial responsibilities and decision making. There is no one approach that fits all. What if the WOH spouse is making $100k and the SAH spouse doesn't want to work and they struggle financially? What if the WOH spouse is making $500k and the SAH spouse stays at home with 3 young kids? It also depends if one spouse is a spender and needs to be reigned in or if they are on the same page.

My point, though, is that OP needs to sit DH down and lay all this out. "We have always shared control of finances, but now suddenly there are things I want to spend on that you disagree with. I would like to open a side account for each of us and we put $10k in each a month, and we can spend that account however we like, no guilt." If he spends his on cars, so be it. If OP spend hers on family, so be it.

I suspect her DH will still dip into the joint account for all his cars, but this way she has a pot of money she can access guilt free.

$50K+ car screams emotional insecurity in all of you.

Such a waste of humanity's effort and nature's energy to indulge people like this.

^^ And because we get to shop at odd hours (e.g., while you are working) we get the best deals. When I get home, I manage my own, independent stock portfolio. I tune into CNBC, see the trends, but and sell.

I'm doing quiet well on your labor. Toodles.

A SAHM's job is to save her family money, not to make money.
Coupons, discounts, waiting for sales, getting 10 for $10 instead of 1 for $2.39...that's what we do.

We don't spend, we are a hawk with a dollar.

I save my husband a lot of money on what he earns.

And oh, yes. He appreciates it very much.

This is crazy. If my spouse made $3M a year, I'd damn well buy my parents a $50K car. This shouldn't even be a question.

We see this scenario over and over again. It reminds me why it's so important for spouses to earn individually despite a high HHI.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OMG, if he brings in $3M a year, then yes he gets special treatment when it comes to finances!

If he brings in $300K and you're a SAHM, you can arguably say that your sacrifices enabled him to go from $150K to $300K and that if you had a SAH spouse and were similarly committed to your career, you could also bring in $300K. So in that case, you're still an equal financial partner despite being a SAHM.

But let's be real - $3M is such an outlandishly high income that he deserves more say than you in how that's spent (especially if that money is not even spent on your immediate family).

OP here. I had a lot of earning potential. I earned more than DH when we got married. I mommy tracked myself once we had kids so his income continued to rise. I was actually in a more lucrative field than DH. Strangely we usually barely talk about money. He earns a lot. We do whatever I want. This is probably the first fight over money we had ever.

Get a grip lady! Either that or get a job. Stop blaming your husband for giving you and your parents a good lifestyle just because you could've/would've/should've.

Anonymous wrote:OMG, if he brings in $3M a year, then yes he gets special treatment when it comes to finances!

If he brings in $300K and you're a SAHM, you can arguably say that your sacrifices enabled him to go from $150K to $300K and that if you had a SAH spouse and were similarly committed to your career, you could also bring in $300K. So in that case, you're still an equal financial partner despite being a SAHM.

But let's be real - $3M is such an outlandishly high income that he deserves more say than you in how that's spent (especially if that money is not even spent on your immediate family).

OP here. I had a lot of earning potential. I earned more than DH when we got married. I mommy tracked myself once we had kids so his income continued to rise. I was actually in a more lucrative field than DH. Strangely we usually barely talk about money. He earns a lot. We do whatever I want. This is probably the first fight over money we had ever.

OP his retirement I’m assuming you me both your retirement what will you do if you get a divorce

And you are insane about car

The sick thing about this is that if she filed for divorce, she would right quick have gobs of her own money to buy her parents a $60K car. Her DH might want to consider this.

Anonymous wrote:This has to be a troll.

You might be right. Or PP with the "princess" comment was right all along.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If I said I wanted a $200k car for myself, DH would probably get it for me."

If that is the way both of you think (he "gets [things]" for you), then indeed, I think you're correct that as a couple, you're thinking about the income earner as the primary decision maker regarding finances/big purchases.

No, you're not being unreasonable to want to buy your parents a new car for $60k. It's very generous of you, and generous of DH to be fine with paying for all of their extras and being open to purchasing them a car costing $30k.

I think it's normal for a couple to hash out providing significant financial support for extended family, though. It doesn't sound like you and DH have serious problems. But if going back to work is appealing to you and you feel it would give you more power and more autonomy, then go for it.

Thank you for the non snarky response. I actually really appreciate it.

We are big savers and on the same page regarding spending. We save/invest more than half our income. Dh often jokes he earns all the money and I spend it. I get to spend it on myself but not on others.

DH and I come from humble beginnings. I am actually surprised how little both DH and his siblings help out his parents. My parents are a decade older and in significantly worse health dealing with cancer, dementia, Parkinson’s, orthopedic issues, surgeries, etc.

DH is also not very generous with friends either. Everyone just pays their own way. I have some girlfriends who are single moms or struggling financially and I know DH doesn’t love it when I treat them. I have mixed feelings about this.

Hard to know if this is culture, family bringing, or just his personality but if you're not similarly minded that can be hard. I also saw your post about it feeling worse because DH is a car person - I can see that. You want to feel like he values your parents and loves them because he loves you.

I grew up with very generous people. Maybe it is because I am female but I was paid for all the time. My parents were immigrants and our extended family is generous to one another. The richer ones always help out the poorer ones.

DH didn’t have as many or any very generous people in his life. He is just used to paying for himself. I feel confident that he feels I and our kids are an extension of himself as his family but he does not view my parents the same way.

So your parents are immigrants, being supported by their daughter and son in law, suffering from various physical ailments and you think that they are going to mind that they are given a $30k vehicle to drive? Nope. No way. This is about you and about some sort of pressure you feel to give them the world. Your husband, reasonably, doesn't feel he owes them luxuries beyond a safe, new vehicle that they can call their own. This is ABOUT YOU. NOT ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND BEING GREEDY WITH "HIS" MONEY.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If I said I wanted a $200k car for myself, DH would probably get it for me."

If that is the way both of you think (he "gets [things]" for you), then indeed, I think you're correct that as a couple, you're thinking about the income earner as the primary decision maker regarding finances/big purchases.

No, you're not being unreasonable to want to buy your parents a new car for $60k. It's very generous of you, and generous of DH to be fine with paying for all of their extras and being open to purchasing them a car costing $30k.

I think it's normal for a couple to hash out providing significant financial support for extended family, though. It doesn't sound like you and DH have serious problems. But if going back to work is appealing to you and you feel it would give you more power and more autonomy, then go for it.

Thank you for the non snarky response. I actually really appreciate it.

We are big savers and on the same page regarding spending. We save/invest more than half our income. Dh often jokes he earns all the money and I spend it. I get to spend it on myself but not on others.

DH and I come from humble beginnings. I am actually surprised how little both DH and his siblings help out his parents. My parents are a decade older and in significantly worse health dealing with cancer, dementia, Parkinson’s, orthopedic issues, surgeries, etc.

DH is also not very generous with friends either. Everyone just pays their own way. I have some girlfriends who are single moms or struggling financially and I know DH doesn’t love it when I treat them. I have mixed feelings about this.

Hard to know if this is culture, family bringing, or just his personality but if you're not similarly minded that can be hard. I also saw your post about it feeling worse because DH is a car person - I can see that. You want to feel like he values your parents and loves them because he loves you.

I grew up with very generous people. Maybe it is because I am female but I was paid for all the time. My parents were immigrants and our extended family is generous to one another. The richer ones always help out the poorer ones.

DH didn’t have as many or any very generous people in his life. He is just used to paying for himself. I feel confident that he feels I and our kids are an extension of himself as his family but he does not view my parents the same way.

OP--what ethnic background do you come from? What about DH? There are a lot of cultural dynamics that come into play here and what is normal for one group may not be normal for another.

This has to be a troll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"If I said I wanted a $200k car for myself, DH would probably get it for me."

If that is the way both of you think (he "gets [things]" for you), then indeed, I think you're correct that as a couple, you're thinking about the income earner as the primary decision maker regarding finances/big purchases.

No, you're not being unreasonable to want to buy your parents a new car for $60k. It's very generous of you, and generous of DH to be fine with paying for all of their extras and being open to purchasing them a car costing $30k.

I think it's normal for a couple to hash out providing significant financial support for extended family, though. It doesn't sound like you and DH have serious problems. But if going back to work is appealing to you and you feel it would give you more power and more autonomy, then go for it.

Thank you for the non snarky response. I actually really appreciate it.

We are big savers and on the same page regarding spending. We save/invest more than half our income. Dh often jokes he earns all the money and I spend it. I get to spend it on myself but not on others.

DH and I come from humble beginnings. I am actually surprised how little both DH and his siblings help out his parents. My parents are a decade older and in significantly worse health dealing with cancer, dementia, Parkinson’s, orthopedic issues, surgeries, etc.

DH is also not very generous with friends either. Everyone just pays their own way. I have some girlfriends who are single moms or struggling financially and I know DH doesn’t love it when I treat them. I have mixed feelings about this.

Hard to know if this is culture, family bringing, or just his personality but if you're not similarly minded that can be hard. I also saw your post about it feeling worse because DH is a car person - I can see that. You want to feel like he values your parents and loves them because he loves you.

I grew up with very generous people. Maybe it is because I am female but I was paid for all the time. My parents were immigrants and our extended family is generous to one another. The richer ones always help out the poorer ones.

DH didn’t have as many or any very generous people in his life. He is just used to paying for himself. I feel confident that he feels I and our kids are an extension of himself as his family but he does not view my parents the same way.