I’m a little astounded people are giving up on their parents in their 70s. That’s so young! We took my parents to Alaska when they were 88 and Costa Rica two years before that. It’s great because if one of the kids wants to hang back, they can hang with them. And I always put a kid in their room so we aren’t too crowded. And the kids really get a lot out of it—they love to show things to their grandparents and also are really considerate about things like helping them on stairs, etc. They are 95 now and my kids are so sad they can’t travel anymore.

Anyway, I think it just takes a little adjustment of expecatations and then it can really work great!

Prior to any trip planned with family members we share a google document. Everyone puts their top 5 things they want to see or do during the trip. Its a great way to see what the family is interested in doing, where there is overlap and gauge everyone's expectations. As a group we rank the activities and try to ensure that everyone will get to do their top choice. Sometimes it takes a lot of effort to make it happen and sometimes the group is not always thrilled tagging along. But what we have found is that it allows everyone to voice their wants before the trip - once on the trip the family dynamics tend to get in the way of making group decisions. This has been especially helpful with our older and younger family members. From there, people can decide what they want to see/do together. My MIL's requirement is that we have 1 family dinner together and 1 family photo. My FIL likes to have 1 day of not getting in a car to go anywhere (he doesn't like driving or being in cars for long drives), and my nieces and nephews want to go to amusement parks. Folks can sit out as they desire but we always try to find common ground with quiet times for all. There was one entire trip I stayed behind and read by the pool..I was sick of the family melt downs.

I was just thinking back to trips we took with my parents 5-10 years ago when they were late 60's/early 70s. We had a lot of fun and my kids enjoyed traveling with their grandparents. But we were supposed to do another one this spring break and I was dreading it. Thankfully they canceled. Everything is just so much harder for them now that they are mid/late 70s. Every going out to a restaurant requires so much more work - figuring out where they can park, are there stairs, is it to loud etc. I've kind of decided those trips may be done and its kind of sad.

Re:renting a beach house. NP here. ILs want an early dinner. A sit down dinner, all of us. They make fixing dinner a huge production, takes forever and we'd rather grab and go. 4-7+pm is our favorite time on the beach.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why those giant houses in OBX exist.

Those houses have a LOT of stairs. My 82-year-old father declared our last trip there his final one because of it.

Many of them have elevators for exactly this reason.

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed a huge change in my parents post 75. I try and be sympathetic but they are annoying!

That will be you one day.

Shame on you.

I started a thread some time ago about multi-generational traveling because I experienced some of the same things you did. In my case, my father would get angry if we were doing something that not everyone in the group could do. I figured that he would be content to watch the kids participate in certain activities, like I am, but no, he was mad that not everyone in the group was physically able to do that activity. As people suggested, future trips will be renting a house for a few days with beach time or something else very low key. Not really how I like to travel, but oh well.

A good reason. No reason to travel with anyone who's rude, family or not.

My mom is active but she’s the type to make nasty comments about how shabby the hotel is or not nice enough for her super luxury standards—while criticizing how we spent too much money on it at the same time. I don’t travel with her for this reason.

I have noticed a huge change in my parents post 75. I try and be sympathetic but they are annoying!

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the trip was just more than they could handle. Maybe you can plan something that better accomodates their needs for next time. Including hiring an aide so that you don't have to juggle it all.

Yup. Reminds me of when my husband and his mother ran our kids ragged at Disney. Always plan for the lowest common denominator and additionally plan time apart where they can do lower key activities during the time you do higher ones. The best day for the kids at Disney is when we sent my husband and his mother off to ‘scout’ while my Dad and I sat with a cup of coffee and let the kids play in the splash area.

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s unfair my in-laws, who have had a lifetime of traveling, ask to come along

Please just say, "no". It's ok. They have lived a long time. They have been told, "no" about things.

It is my opinion and I don't know your situation. Imo, asking something is ok, it's not being not-nice or rude. But you not being genuine, saying it's ok, when it's not, that's not what you want to do. It's actually not kind.

Yes, as I mentioned, that’s my plan for next time.

I think it’s unfair my in-laws, who have had a lifetime of traveling, ask to come along

Please just say, "no". It's ok. They have lived a long time. They have been told, "no" about things.

It is my opinion and I don't know your situation. Imo, asking something is ok, it's not being not-nice or rude. But you not being genuine, saying it's ok, when it's not, that's not what you want to do. It's actually not kind.

My parents are late 70s and early 80s. They have decided to stop traveling. It bums me out but they have basically said it is too stressful

To this pp, there is the advantage that you know. Usually the traveling stops, you never knew it was the last time. A whole lot of time passes and everyone is sad and confused. Usually it's thought that the change is because something about the relationship has changed.

Now, at least, you can formulate other plans, other ways to see them. If it were me, I guess I would continue to hope that they might travel for a rare, monumental event like a wedding.

Yeah, I'm not old but I have chronic pain issues.

I've travelled with several boyfriends aborad. What we generally do is, only go to one or two cities so you dont have to pack and move around much. I take it easy in the morning while they go out early if they want, then come back and get me around ten or eleven. We do one thing, break for lunch, and then afternoon depends on how I feel. Sometimes I do a lot, sometimes maybe they go do their own thing.

Then they do a couple day trips while I stay at the home base.

The key is, don't make everyone stay together all the time. Having different activity levels is fine.