Anonymous wrote:OP again. In the interest of being more clear, this thread was prompted by this recent misunderstanding:

My family has been planning a trip to Europe this summer, but after seeing flight prices and assessing some savings goals, we decided to switch our plans and do a domestic trip out west.

I told my friend about the change of plans when we were discussing our summer plans and said, “yes I’m a bit disappointed but we’ll just have to do Europe another year when it makes more sense financially.”

At no point did I say I had money issues, complain about our income, or ask for help with finances.

She took this to mean that we are in dire financial straights. She brings it up every time I see her. She has started suggesting career changes for me to boost my income and will say things like “I know money is tight, maybe we could do a girls night at home instead of going out because it’s cheaper.”

I have told her several times, very clearly, “ Money is good, I’m not having money issues. Just made a change based on priorities.” She does not listen and now thinks I’m trying to put a good spin on it.

That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

She chose the title, which is part of the post. I had nothing to do with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

OP's follow up is clarifying -- the fact that you are refusing to understand her despite her clarification just kind of illustrates her point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Your title says "perpetually." That means constantly, on an ongoing basis, without end.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is not everyone misinterpreting everything I say. Fir instance, my DH rarely misinterprets me. It’s a couple friends and in a past job I had this problem as well (not in my current job).

But this conversation has gone much the way I’m talking about, with some posters making broad assumptions about my motives and experience that you couldn’t possibly get from what I said.

I think my biggest frustration is people making assumptions and then acting on them, when if they’d simply asked a question or two, the misunderstanding could have been avoided. It feels like with some people, you get one chance to express something and if they interpret it incorrectly, too bad, that’s the truth for them now.

I think I see the issue. You exaggerate and then when it’s pointed out, you backtrack.

Your OP should have clearly stated this only happens with a couple of friends instead of stating it happens often.

Where in my OP did I say everyone misunderstands me? I said I feel Ike people misinterpret me. I never said all people, just people. I’m not backtracking, you just misinterpreted me and now want to argue facts to suit you, but I didn’t change the facts. You simply made some stiff up and decided it must be the case.

This is precisely the sort of thing I’m talking about! It’s so aggravating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are describing the imposition of a frame. Your friend assumes changes of travel plans must mean some financial issue, and despite what you say, will keep interpreting everything in this frame. It's a kind of tyranny, really, interpreting based on what you impose on the other person, rather than making a genuine effort to perceive and listen and understand as the interpretive act.

This is such a good way to put it, thank you. Is this coming from some kind of academic concept? Is there somewhere I could read more?

Anonymous wrote:Op, you are describing the imposition of a frame. Your friend assumes changes of travel plans must mean some financial issue, and despite what you say, will keep interpreting everything in this frame. It's a kind of tyranny, really, interpreting based on what you impose on the other person, rather than making a genuine effort to perceive and listen and understand as the interpretive act.

Anonymous wrote:Did you happen to grow up and an alcoholic family?

Anonymous wrote:OP again. In the interest of being more clear, this thread was prompted by this recent misunderstanding:

My family has been planning a trip to Europe this summer, but after seeing flight prices and assessing some savings goals, we decided to switch our plans and do a domestic trip out west.

I told my friend about the change of plans when we were discussing our summer plans and said, “yes I’m a bit disappointed but we’ll just have to do Europe another year when it makes more sense financially.”

At no point did I say I had money issues, complain about our income, or ask for help with finances.

She took this to mean that we are in dire financial straights. She brings it up every time I see her. She has started suggesting career changes for me to boost my income and will say things like “I know money is tight, maybe we could do a girls night at home instead of going out because it’s cheaper.”

I have told her several times, very clearly, “ Money is good, I’m not having money issues. Just made a change based on priorities.” She does not listen and now thinks I’m trying to put a good spin on it.

That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.