Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

You explained your situation, and that you were desperate. And they flat-out said no? With no valid reason?

Op here. They were like “ohhhh that sucks… hope you can figure that out”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Op hers. I mean, this is over the course of YEARS. We are decently well off now, but definitely weren’t when we first had DC. We did alright, but childcare costs were really tough. And that’s fine, that’s on us, we decided to have kids, but none of the 4 of them have been very helpful even just for occasional breaks. Or even just to spend time with DC outside of a “formal” event.

Your kids must be very young if you've never been to a school event before. And is it kid or kids? If it's multiple young kids that's a lot to ask old people to take on all summer. In exchange for an invite to some school event? Not exactly a fair bargain.

Not OP, but I have a 3rd grader and this school year is the first we’ve been to school events since a winter classroom party for kindergarten in 2020. Outdoor sports have been normal for an over a year, but last school year my children’s teachers did not allow any in-classroom volunteers or parties because of Covid. There were no field trips and the school play and concerts were limited only to the 4th and 5th graders participating- 2 adults per child limit. Preschool was the same 2020-2022 - drop off and pick up outside, no in person events. We had to have an “unofficial” preschool graduation at a park near the school.

So the kids are young. They would nothing not have been in school prior to 2020.

^not have been in school

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

What is typeical for our family is that grandparents and uncles and aunts (both sides) are clued in about events. I also share school or EC events through a google calendar. That way if someone wants to come they do. I will also send info in group chats. We usually take "guests" and the kids afterwards to some $ chain restaurants. Think Tor Taco, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, 5 guys...or order take-outs at home. Sometimes we will get something from chicfila or even Taco Bell.

I have never asked any one to help with kids as I had a nanny/housekeeper at home. I used to WFH and DH and I also tried to be there with the kids as much as we could by staggering our work (inspite of having a nanny/housekeeper). IF grandparents wanted to hang out with the grandkids they were always welcome at our home with the nanny around. Also, when my parents wanted to take kids out to the park etc, the nanny went along. It was not a burden for anyone to take care of my kids because the backup of nanny was always there. At the end of the day - my kids are my responsibility and I would never expect grandparents to help out. Yes, they could enjoy the grandkids and my kids got to enjoy the family BUT they are also elderly, I would never want them to get tired.

Humblebrag...go away

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Op hers. I mean, this is over the course of YEARS. We are decently well off now, but definitely weren’t when we first had DC. We did alright, but childcare costs were really tough. And that’s fine, that’s on us, we decided to have kids, but none of the 4 of them have been very helpful even just for occasional breaks. Or even just to spend time with DC outside of a “formal” event.

Your kids must be very young if you've never been to a school event before. And is it kid or kids? If it's multiple young kids that's a lot to ask old people to take on all summer. In exchange for an invite to some school event? Not exactly a fair bargain.

Not OP, but I have a 3rd grader and this school year is the first we’ve been to school events since a winter classroom party for kindergarten in 2020. Outdoor sports have been normal for an over a year, but last school year my children’s teachers did not allow any in-classroom volunteers or parties because of Covid. There were no field trips and the school play and concerts were limited only to the 4th and 5th graders participating- 2 adults per child limit. Preschool was the same 2020-2022 - drop off and pick up outside, no in person events. We had to have an “unofficial” preschool graduation at a park near the school.

So the kids are young. They would nothing not have been in school prior to 2020.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Op hers. I mean, this is over the course of YEARS. We are decently well off now, but definitely weren’t when we first had DC. We did alright, but childcare costs were really tough. And that’s fine, that’s on us, we decided to have kids, but none of the 4 of them have been very helpful even just for occasional breaks. Or even just to spend time with DC outside of a “formal” event.

Your kids must be very young if you've never been to a school event before. And is it kid or kids? If it's multiple young kids that's a lot to ask old people to take on all summer. In exchange for an invite to some school event? Not exactly a fair bargain.

Not OP, but I have a 3rd grader and this school year is the first we’ve been to school events since a winter classroom party for kindergarten in 2020. Outdoor sports have been normal for an over a year, but last school year my children’s teachers did not allow any in-classroom volunteers or parties because of Covid. There were no field trips and the school play and concerts were limited only to the 4th and 5th graders participating- 2 adults per child limit. Preschool was the same 2020-2022 - drop off and pick up outside, no in person events. We had to have an “unofficial” preschool graduation at a park near the school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

What is typeical for our family is that grandparents and uncles and aunts (both sides) are clued in about events. I also share school or EC events through a google calendar. That way if someone wants to come they do. I will also send info in group chats. We usually take "guests" and the kids afterwards to some $ chain restaurants. Think Tor Taco, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, 5 guys...or order take-outs at home. Sometimes we will get something from chicfila or even Taco Bell.

I have never asked any one to help with kids as I had a nanny/housekeeper at home. I used to WFH and DH and I also tried to be there with the kids as much as we could by staggering our work (inspite of having a nanny/housekeeper). IF grandparents wanted to hang out with the grandkids they were always welcome at our home with the nanny around. Also, when my parents wanted to take kids out to the park etc, the nanny went along. It was not a burden for anyone to take care of my kids because the backup of nanny was always there. At the end of the day - my kids are my responsibility and I would never expect grandparents to help out. Yes, they could enjoy the grandkids and my kids got to enjoy the family BUT they are also elderly, I would never want them to get tired.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Op hers. I mean, this is over the course of YEARS. We are decently well off now, but definitely weren’t when we first had DC. We did alright, but childcare costs were really tough. And that’s fine, that’s on us, we decided to have kids, but none of the 4 of them have been very helpful even just for occasional breaks. Or even just to spend time with DC outside of a “formal” event.

Your kids must be very young if you've never been to a school event before. And is it kid or kids? If it's multiple young kids that's a lot to ask old people to take on all summer. In exchange for an invite to some school event? Not exactly a fair bargain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Op hers. I mean, this is over the course of YEARS. We are decently well off now, but definitely weren’t when we first had DC. We did alright, but childcare costs were really tough. And that’s fine, that’s on us, we decided to have kids, but none of the 4 of them have been very helpful even just for occasional breaks. Or even just to spend time with DC outside of a “formal” event.

Your kids must be very young if you've never been to a school event before. And is it kid or kids? If it's multiple young kids that's a lot to ask old people to take on all summer. In exchange for an invite to some school event? Not exactly a fair bargain.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Op hers. I mean, this is over the course of YEARS. We are decently well off now, but definitely weren’t when we first had DC. We did alright, but childcare costs were really tough. And that’s fine, that’s on us, we decided to have kids, but none of the 4 of them have been very helpful even just for occasional breaks. Or even just to spend time with DC outside of a “formal” event.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

If you have $100K to spend on childcare they probably assume you can afford a little more. Not all grandparents want to babysit, some would prefer to just go to a school event. When you are a grandparent you can be whatever kind you want to be.

Anonymous wrote:OP, how is "mad" expressed? Don't accept 2nd hand information, from your husband or anyone else. Did MIL tell you she was mad? Hopefully she just said she was disappointed not to be invited and hopes to be next time. Said to you. (which is still a strong ask on her part but not "mad") You could just say back, "I'll keep those feelings in mind". You don't have to do something because someone is hurt or wants something. But her expressing herself, her hopes/wants, that has got to be considered reasonable. Btw, you doing the same for summer. MIL isn't a mind reader.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

[b]Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. [i]I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

This makes me think you want a quid pro quo relationship.

Oh yeah, it's so unreasonable for OP to question why grandparents want to come to every last event but can't offer to babysit for an hour every couple months to give her some breathing room. Why should the grandparents get a relationship only on their terms?

Op here. Thank you. I’ve spent $100K plus on all forms of childcare. I’m not asking them to take care of my kid for lengths at a time, just maybe offer to help when you hear we have a scheduling issue or offer for a date night. For having 4 able bodied grandparents within 20 min of us, we sure are on an island

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents and ILs want to be invited to everything for DC. Currently MIL is mad at me because we didn’t invite them to a school program. It honestly didn’t occur to me. This was a first school program we as PARENTS had every even been to due to Covid. My grandparents never came to any of my school programs. I doubt my parents invited them. Some times I just want to do things with just our immediate family.

Also, they very rarely offer to help out with DC. I’m in desperate need of help a couple hours 2x a week for the summer that they could easily help with, but nope.

What’s typical for your family? We already see one set of grandparents weekly, another every couple of weeks.

What is typeical for our family is that grandparents and uncles and aunts (both sides) are clued in about events. I also share school or EC events through a google calendar. That way if someone wants to come they do. I will also send info in group chats. We usually take "guests" and the kids afterwards to some $ chain restaurants. Think Tor Taco, Red Lobster, Olive Garden, 5 guys...or order take-outs at home. Sometimes we will get something from chicfila or even Taco Bell.

I have never asked any one to help with kids as I had a nanny/housekeeper at home. I used to WFH and DH and I also tried to be there with the kids as much as we could by staggering our work (inspite of having a nanny/housekeeper). IF grandparents wanted to hang out with the grandkids they were always welcome at our home with the nanny around. Also, when my parents wanted to take kids out to the park etc, the nanny went along. It was not a burden for anyone to take care of my kids because the backup of nanny was always there. At the end of the day - my kids are my responsibility and I would never expect grandparents to help out. Yes, they could enjoy the grandkids and my kids got to enjoy the family BUT they are also elderly, I would never want them to get tired.