Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

You are confused. First of all, you are not in people's homes so you don't actually know what people are serving.

Second, the people on this thread are not giving their kids chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese every night. Then opposite, they are trying to serve their kids balanced, nutritious meals, and their kids are complaining incessantly about how they don't like and they don't like that and they want this instead. It's exhausting. People are complaining about the exhausting of continuing to serve healthy balanced meals to children who have no concept of how hard that is to get on the table while also taking some preferences into account. The people serving chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese nightly are not on this thread and do not consider their kids picky because their kids eat what is served, it's just that what is served isn't that nutritious. My own child would reject chicken nuggets and Mac and cheese! She would also reject all vegetable.

Third, the people most likely to complain about this are the people whose kids likely have some kind of issue with food. Whether its ARFID or sensory issues or ADHD or OCD or whatever. Maybe severe, maybe not. The people whose kids don't have these issues and just eat what is served don't complain. It's the people who are serving healthy food and having it constantly nit-picked or rejected who wind up on these threads because that's so hard! It might be a minority of parents but their struggle is real.

So your criticism is entirely off base. The people supposedly making no effort to serve their kids healthy food are not on a thread complaining about how hard it is to serve healthy food. The ones on the thread obviously are running into resistance from kids who, for whatever reason, are difficult to feed -- people with the kind of kids who will just eat what is served becasue they are hungry don't need to complain about this.

If it seems like people complain about this more now than they used to, that might be because you are on message board for parents in a thread about challenges with picky eaters. Self-selection bias.

No one needs your "back in my day" scolding. Unhelpful and pointless. Also, I've been told that my husband, born in the 1970s and parented by two peopel who definitely never cooked him special meals or resorted to nightly Mac and cheese, was an unbelievably picky eater who would barely touch his dinner night after night, for years. They are pretty sure he lived off of bread and butter for half of elementary school because he was barely touching proteins or vegetables. And yet he's a fully functional adult with a normal palette now. So maybe you are misremembering.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

+1 also don’t care about it and don’t know why people are aghast that we don’t either. DH has always worked late.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

Serious question, did you grow up poor? In my middle class/umc childhood, there were definitely accommodations for picky kids. I wasn’t picky but my brother survived on cereal and hot dogs. My friend ate only bagels for many meals.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

So you never eat dinner together as a family during the week?

Yes. I don’t really care about it and don’t understand why it’s such a big deal for people.

On top of that, DH gets home at 7:30 pm most/every nights and kids eat at 6-6:30 and in bed by 8. DH and I will eat at 8:30-9

Maybe they’ll eat eventually, but one mine would go to bed hungry then wake in the middle of the night with a stomachache from hunger pangs. They also get hangry and turn over emotional and sad. Maybe you’d starve your kids, but I can’t stand hearing that life is terrible and they’re an awful kid that nobody likes, only to be awoken hours later with someone crying saying their stomach hurts.

Not exaggerating here. PPs that had kids that are what they were served or ate entirely got lucky. Not superior parenting, just luck.

I don’t really understand this issue which is so common among parents. When I was a kid we ate what was put in front of us or we didn’t eat. ‘You get what you get and you don’t get upset.’ Of course we were neuro typical so I certainly understand in some cases kids can’t cope, but neurotypical kids will not starve themselves, they will eat eventually. When I see mothers (it’s almost always mothers) bending over backward and preparing multiple meals to accommodate all preferences I am just mind blown. I don’t know any kids I grew up with who had that kind of . . . coddling. Is it part of what they teach in the parenting classes and books of recent decades? If not, how does this even start? Are young moms really so afraid their child will fail to thrive absent constant efforts to provide them with the food they want? What I’ve seen in practical terms is a lot of American kids growing up eating chicken nuggets most nights or Mac and cheese or whatever their favorite and not actually getting a good balanced diet nor an exposure to various foods that will encourage an inquisitive palate in later life. It’s sad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My nanny feeds the kids (9, 7, 4) Monday through Friday. I could never cook 7 meals per week. They would eat cereal most nights if it was up to me to cook. I hate cooking.

We will keep our nanny as long as possible because of dinner. We pay her 5.5 hours a day to work 3 and it’s so worth it

We also have a nanny, but DH loves cooking. So the nanny has the kids setting the dinner table and preps dinner (the salad, marinating meat, chopping veg, etc.) and then DH finishes work and cooks dinner. But we go out twice a week and I cook one night a week so he's only cooking four dinners each week.

Please go start your own thread about something else! This is for the downtrodden dinner hags only. Mine have cried over beautiful Melissa Clark recipes. They would eat hot dogs out of the trash.

I cannot even imagine not cooking. We cook at least two meals a day. Lunch is usually leftovers. Eating milk and cereal? For my teen it is the dessert after lunch and dinner.

Our kids love our cooking but they want different foods/cusines every day. Family of 4 adults. My oldest makes her own food because she is following a diet. And we also do a lot of take outs.

My problem is that I become the person who is stuffing my face with leftovers usually and I am putting on weight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Solidarity! I get so much freaking "feedback" on the meals I serve, and even the restaurants we go to. Everyone's a critic. Even when I go out of my way to get input and let them request certain meals or restaurants, I still get pushback. So tired of it.

I also blame myself because I do have picky eaters, but I honestly am not sure where I went wrong. DH and I eat a wide variety of foods, we've always eaten meals together, served the kids what we are eating, and offered a variety of things so if there is anything they don't like, they can eat other things. I see other kids eating steak and sushi and curries and salads and just think "where did I go wrong?" I've never been a short order cook and have always been consistent and offered healthy options but also not been insistent that they eat any particular thing.

DH is convinced it's genetic. He was apparently a horribly picky eater as a child, but outgrew it. I hope for their sake this happens for them. Having watched a child tearfully reject a plate of French fries because they are "too squishy," they are in for a very difficult adulthood if they can't find a way to just be happy with perfectly acceptable food when it is served.

Either that or they will become gourmet chefs or food scientists or something. Maybe they are super tasters?

I feel the same way -- DH and I basically eat everything, and have always had diverse food "around." And yet, DCs are so particular about everything--oh and one is an adamant vegetarian so there is that issue as well. So I am a quasi-short order chef - not so much that I make an entirely different meal for everyone, more that every meal has to be de-constructed down to its constituent parts: same veggies and sides for all, but Beyond burger for the vegetarian, add a sauce for myself/DH because everything is otherwise so bland, DS wants double portion of this or that, salads are picked apart and NO salad dressing allowed, etc. etc.

I also don't get why "make them get their own food," is a solution. Kids would happily make & eat sandwiches, noodles and cereal -- not sure how that would diversify their palates or improve their nutrition.

Same. My kid will eat Nutella on bread for every meal.

I went out for sushi with my GFs for my birthday and we got there too early -- the restaurant was full of little angels eating sushi with their families. One little girl, probably 6 years old, started complaining "Next time I want Thai food" and we almost died. Where did we ALL go wrong???
Worst of all, they were all great eaters until around the age of 4. WTF happened?

Anonymous wrote:Solidarity! I get so much freaking "feedback" on the meals I serve, and even the restaurants we go to. Everyone's a critic. Even when I go out of my way to get input and let them request certain meals or restaurants, I still get pushback. So tired of it.

I also blame myself because I do have picky eaters, but I honestly am not sure where I went wrong. DH and I eat a wide variety of foods, we've always eaten meals together, served the kids what we are eating, and offered a variety of things so if there is anything they don't like, they can eat other things. I see other kids eating steak and sushi and curries and salads and just think "where did I go wrong?" I've never been a short order cook and have always been consistent and offered healthy options but also not been insistent that they eat any particular thing.

DH is convinced it's genetic. He was apparently a horribly picky eater as a child, but outgrew it. I hope for their sake this happens for them. Having watched a child tearfully reject a plate of French fries because they are "too squishy," they are in for a very difficult adulthood if they can't find a way to just be happy with perfectly acceptable food when it is served.

Either that or they will become gourmet chefs or food scientists or something. Maybe they are super tasters?

I feel the same way -- DH and I basically eat everything, and have always had diverse food "around." And yet, DCs are so particular about everything--oh and one is an adamant vegetarian so there is that issue as well. So I am a quasi-short order chef - not so much that I make an entirely different meal for everyone, more that every meal has to be de-constructed down to its constituent parts: same veggies and sides for all, but Beyond burger for the vegetarian, add a sauce for myself/DH because everything is otherwise so bland, DS wants double portion of this or that, salads are picked apart and NO salad dressing allowed, etc. etc.

I also don't get why "make them get their own food," is a solution. Kids would happily make & eat sandwiches, noodles and cereal -- not sure how that would diversify their palates or improve their nutrition.

Anonymous wrote:Omg it’s the brazen nonchalance with which they say it too. I literally prepare the food, set every single thing I know they will ask about on the table (salt, “water in the angel bottle”, the special fork, ketchup), finally sit my exhausted a** at the table and just as I am about to take a bite….”can I have a waffle with fried ham instead?”

I definitely say no to this, but brazen nonchalance is exactly the correct description.

Anonymous wrote:I am positive that as I lay dying one of them will lean over my deathbed and ask me if they have eaten enough to get dessert.

OMG. So true.

Solidarity! I get so much freaking "feedback" on the meals I serve, and even the restaurants we go to. Everyone's a critic. Even when I go out of my way to get input and let them request certain meals or restaurants, I still get pushback. So tired of it.

I also blame myself because I do have picky eaters, but I honestly am not sure where I went wrong. DH and I eat a wide variety of foods, we've always eaten meals together, served the kids what we are eating, and offered a variety of things so if there is anything they don't like, they can eat other things. I see other kids eating steak and sushi and curries and salads and just think "where did I go wrong?" I've never been a short order cook and have always been consistent and offered healthy options but also not been insistent that they eat any particular thing.

DH is convinced it's genetic. He was apparently a horribly picky eater as a child, but outgrew it. I hope for their sake this happens for them. Having watched a child tearfully reject a plate of French fries because they are "too squishy," they are in for a very difficult adulthood if they can't find a way to just be happy with perfectly acceptable food when it is served.

Either that or they will become gourmet chefs or food scientists or something. Maybe they are super tasters?

Anonymous wrote:They complain about everything and every meal is a battle. They are old enough to be past this so I'm sure it's my fault but my god I am sick of food and talking about food and hearing about food and fighting about food.

I always put the food on the table and that was all there was. Picky eaters was not something I was ever going to put up with. Maybe we had simple meals--meat,
vegetables including salad, a simple dessert--never had a problem.
They'll eat what you serve when they get hungry enough.