Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd be done with that private school now.

Students at privates will complain about collective punishments! The kids will hang on to that feeling of unfairness for a long time even if the school is amazing in every other way.

Anonymous wrote:I can guarantee that the lunch monitor did not care who ate who's food that day. The silent lunch was because kids were being loud and goofing off. This really isn't such a big punishment and it likely wasn't because of one kid or one small group of kids. The event was probably just the last straw in a series of events in the lunch room that day and your daughter reported to you that it was because of this one single event because she didn't know.

Anonymous wrote: OP here. Just making it clear, I do think that it was a weird game and that my kid and her friends should be punished for not keeping their hands to themselves. I just don't understand why they are punishing the whole grade. Seems unfair to the other kids. My guess was the grade as a whole was already being loud, the lunch monitor was on edge, and jumped to conclusions. But I don't believe my kid stole food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

You say that as if it’s a small amount of times?!

Five times over the course of her education. She has been attending school since preschool so in a sevenyear period she has only gotten in trouble about five times.

In first a boy stole the bathroom pass from her so she wrote him a note saying "Give me back my bathroom pass!" which got her in trouble for passing notes. There was the time she got accused of stealing ice cream and she's gotten in trouble twice for talking. And then there was this incident so yeah, I do think five times is a small number of times.

Please note that in the next seven years of her k-12 schooling, there are going to be a dozens of incidents where you daughter tells you something that she describes as her being misunderstood or unfairly punished. This is completely normal and part of developing social skills among her peers. When you go on to believe every word she tells you without hearing the other side of the story and then fret and seethe over it for years afterward, you may be harming her social development in the long run.

I don't think my daughter was lying to me. This is not my first-time parenting-she has older siblings and I know when my kids are lying. I don't think believing her will "ruin her social development."

It's not that she's necessarily lying, but that her perception of events is not exactly the entire story. She tells you what happened from her point of view and you have no idea if the class was punished because of this one group, or if there were three other groups of kids who were being equally excitable so the monitor put the hammer down. There does seem to be a pattern of you hanging on every incident as if your daughter is being persecuted. The ice cream thing was five years ago, and yes, the adult probably made a mistake. Why even bring it up now? The bathroom pass incident was again, one side of a story that the teacher probably doesn't even remember. But you now consider it one of the great persecutions of your daughter during her elementary school years. These things happen. You calm your daughter, maybe suggest some behavioral adjustment, and the let it go. You are not letting go and you don't even know the whole story.

I think you are mischaracterizing OP re bringing up prior incidents. At first she said her daughter was in trouble only 5 times before to try to show her daughter is not a troublemaker. Then she was questioned about why she considers 5 previous incidents not a troublemaker and so she explained those incidents. It’s not as if she brought them up as stories of persecution. And remembering something is not the same thing as dwelling on it. This is typical DCUM blame the OP thinking where everything OP says will be challenged and misconstrued.

Don't you see that the very way OP describes these incidents literally sounds like the whining of a child? The child is the one claiming she is persecuted and punished by the teachers because of some misunderstanding or accusation. That is normal. Heck, I did that as a child, too. But my own mother recognized that there was probably more to the story, and she also recognized that this was just a single moment in a single day and life carries on. Nobody tallied these as an instance where someone got in trouble, but for some reason OP does exactly that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP here. Just making it clear, I do think that it was a weird game and that my kid and her friends should be punished for not keeping their hands to themselves. I just don't understand why they are punishing the whole grade. Seems unfair to the other kids. My guess was the grade as a whole was already being loud, the lunch monitor was on edge, and jumped to conclusions. But I don't believe my kid stole food.

No, in your initial post, you said, "I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain." You're not really concerned about the other kids, you want to make sure everything is "fair" for your kid.

In other words, you are one of *those* parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

You say that as if it’s a small amount of times?!

Five times over the course of her education. She has been attending school since preschool so in a sevenyear period she has only gotten in trouble about five times.

In first a boy stole the bathroom pass from her so she wrote him a note saying "Give me back my bathroom pass!" which got her in trouble for passing notes. There was the time she got accused of stealing ice cream and she's gotten in trouble twice for talking. And then there was this incident so yeah, I do think five times is a small number of times.

Please note that in the next seven years of her k-12 schooling, there are going to be a dozens of incidents where you daughter tells you something that she describes as her being misunderstood or unfairly punished. This is completely normal and part of developing social skills among her peers. When you go on to believe every word she tells you without hearing the other side of the story and then fret and seethe over it for years afterward, you may be harming her social development in the long run.

I don't think my daughter was lying to me. This is not my first-time parenting-she has older siblings and I know when my kids are lying. I don't think believing her will "ruin her social development."

It's not that she's necessarily lying, but that her perception of events is not exactly the entire story. She tells you what happened from her point of view and you have no idea if the class was punished because of this one group, or if there were three other groups of kids who were being equally excitable so the monitor put the hammer down. There does seem to be a pattern of you hanging on every incident as if your daughter is being persecuted. The ice cream thing was five years ago, and yes, the adult probably made a mistake. Why even bring it up now? The bathroom pass incident was again, one side of a story that the teacher probably doesn't even remember. But you now consider it one of the great persecutions of your daughter during her elementary school years. These things happen. You calm your daughter, maybe suggest some behavioral adjustment, and the let it go. You are not letting go and you don't even know the whole story.

I think you are mischaracterizing OP re bringing up prior incidents. At first she said her daughter was in trouble only 5 times before to try to show her daughter is not a troublemaker. Then she was questioned about why she considers 5 previous incidents not a troublemaker and so she explained those incidents. It’s not as if she brought them up as stories of persecution. And remembering something is not the same thing as dwelling on it. This is typical DCUM blame the OP thinking where everything OP says will be challenged and misconstrued.

Anonymous wrote: OP here. Just making it clear, I do think that it was a weird game and that my kid and her friends should be punished for not keeping their hands to themselves. I just don't understand why they are punishing the whole grade. Seems unfair to the other kids. My guess was the grade as a whole was already being loud, the lunch monitor was on edge, and jumped to conclusions. But I don't believe my kid stole food.

Anonymous wrote: DD11 is in fifth grade and has had a bad day-she got dress coded for the first time ever and when I picked her up early for a dr appointment the teacher questioned her and didn't seem pleased of her leaving early. To add flame to the fire DD, who has gotten in trouble at school about five times ever, got accused of stealing food at lunch.

Apparently, DD's friend started a game where you pass her empty lunchbox around. My daughter says she is almost positive the friend finished her lunch and that the box was empty but the lunch monitor saw them and told the teacher that DD and four or so of her friends were stealing the first girl's food. None of these girls have a reputation for being troublemakers. Neither the lunch monitor nor the teacher asked for their side of the story. Now the entire grade is having a silent lunch because of what my DD and her lunch group did. DD was very upset. I am not going to talk to the teacher, but it doesn't seem fair that my kid didn't get to explain. Also, why is the whole grade being punished for what five kids did? Thoughts? Was this a fair punishment?

I should add that this isn't the first time something like this has happened. When my DD was in kinder or first at a different school both her and her friend got ice cream. The friend finished her ice cream first and then while the girl was in the bathroom my DD ate her ice cream. The lunch monitor accused my daughter of stealing the girl's ice cream but allowed my DD to explain and didn't tell the teacher.