Anonymous
04/12/2023 14:05
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.
Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.
+1000
Exactly
So, for those who were adopted in this time period, how do you look at your life now?
I was adopted in the mid 1970s. Very happy with my life and my family, and very close relationship with my parents (one of whom is now deceased). I have not reached out to identify or try to have contact with my birth family. But honestly given what a great childhood and life and family I have (only child in a close knit family, attended private schools and highly ranked college/grad school), I am glad that my birth family placed me for adoption. I know that’s not the answer you’re looking for but it’s my reality.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:54
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
OP clearly has an agenda and is anti adoption. Don’t feed the troll.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:40
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
OP, take up your issues with your therapist, birthparent, adoptive parents and the agency/attorney/courts who placed you.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:39
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Me too movement. Right?
Anyone woman involved in a job situation and was dependent upon that to survive was at the mercy of men.
Is that mental illness?
A teenage pregnancy which resulted in being banned from her fanily home. Was that mental illness?
2 17 year olds have sex and neither can support a baby while in high school, or college. Is that mental illness?
A relationship where the father refuses accountability leaving the mother on her own. Is that mental illness?
Women in the military, overpowered as a subordinate. Is she mentally ill?
You realize that these situations are not the norm anymore. And, very few women were in the military way back when. Often father's were not told about the child or adoption.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:38
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:There are millions of babies literally stolen from families, mothers in other countries and sold to white married middle class parents here. Millions.
It's not just a white issue. Families of all different races adopted. Not all babies were stolen, just some.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:36
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
There are millions of babies literally stolen from families, mothers in other countries and sold to white married middle class parents here. Millions.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:33
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Me too movement. Right?
Anyone woman involved in a job situation and was dependent upon that to survive was at the mercy of men.
Is that mental illness?
A teenage pregnancy which resulted in being banned from her fanily home. Was that mental illness?
2 17 year olds have sex and neither can support a baby while in high school, or college. Is that mental illness?
A relationship where the father refuses accountability leaving the mother on her own. Is that mental illness?
Women in the military, overpowered as a subordinate. Is she mentally ill?
Anyone woman involved in a job situation and was dependent upon that to survive was at the mercy of men.
Is that mental illness?
A teenage pregnancy which resulted in being banned from her fanily home. Was that mental illness?
2 17 year olds have sex and neither can support a baby while in high school, or college. Is that mental illness?
A relationship where the father refuses accountability leaving the mother on her own. Is that mental illness?
Women in the military, overpowered as a subordinate. Is she mentally ill?
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:32
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
I’m an adult adoptee, though an international transracial adoptee. My relationship with my adoptive parents is good. Were my parents perfect? No, of course not. They parented according to the prevailing adoption framework of the time. I have an adopted sibling (we’re best friends) and was close-ish with my cousins growing up. I say close-ish because we lived a 12 hour car ride away from them so distance was a factor for sure.
I have met my birth family and am grateful they opened their arms to me. My birth parents were married and remained married until birth father’s death. It’s sort of an unbelievable story which I don’t want to get into here. While I am truly sorry for the pain it caused my birth family, I don’t regret being adopted as it means I wouldn’t have the life and family I have today. I can’t wish my own family away, you know? And I can see how my adoption benefited my birth family as much as it did me, as well as how it revealed unthinkable and unforgivable betrayal at the same time.
In turn, I adopted a child from the same country. Their adoption story is way more complex than the stereotypical unmarried young mother story.
I have met my birth family and am grateful they opened their arms to me. My birth parents were married and remained married until birth father’s death. It’s sort of an unbelievable story which I don’t want to get into here. While I am truly sorry for the pain it caused my birth family, I don’t regret being adopted as it means I wouldn’t have the life and family I have today. I can’t wish my own family away, you know? And I can see how my adoption benefited my birth family as much as it did me, as well as how it revealed unthinkable and unforgivable betrayal at the same time.
In turn, I adopted a child from the same country. Their adoption story is way more complex than the stereotypical unmarried young mother story.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:28
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
We are talking about the baby scoop era where a lot of women were coerced into putting children up for adoption they might have otherwise aborted if they had access to safe and legal abortion or parented. There was a lot more secrecy and shame around adoption where adoptive parents wouldn't always tell their children that they were adopted or would keep it a big secret.
I recommend reading the book The girl who went away to understand more about this situation
I'm the earlier pp born in the 60s, who went to a private school. In addition to the two friends I knew who were adopted during the baby scoop era, one more found out she was adopted after her parents died and she went through the paperwork.
Oddly enough, in my sample of four baby scoop era adopted friends, she was the happiest, until she found out she was adopted.
Well, her entire life was a lie, so one could understand that.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 13:27
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
We are talking about the baby scoop era where a lot of women were coerced into putting children up for adoption they might have otherwise aborted if they had access to safe and legal abortion or parented. There was a lot more secrecy and shame around adoption where adoptive parents wouldn't always tell their children that they were adopted or would keep it a big secret.
I recommend reading the book The girl who went away to understand more about this situation
That's true,but the population that experienced an out of wedlock in an era when that was highly stigmatized were somewhat more likely to have mental health or substantive abuse challenges, as those make you more likely to engage in promiscuous behavior; less likely to use birth control (which was available then, although not as easily and not as many effective options); and less likely to have supportive family environments that would support them in single parenting (which was rare but not unheard of them) or support them in an early marriage (which was very common for unplanned pregnancy then). Not saying that all parents who gave up children were in that situation, but it is statistically more likely, and therefore statistically more likely that adopted children would suffer from some of these conditions as well. And that does even account for the fact that babies put up for adoption were somewhat more statistically likely to be the product of rape, which itself is correlated with certain mental health conditions and substance abuse problems.
No. These are all common misconceptions that continue to serve as an apologist concept for what was, in fact, baby teafficking. Pregnancies happened because people had sex, we really don't need to continue the stigma of shame surrounding this with women, since none of the males involved certainly wouldn't have been labeled as mentally ill.
What you are saying is that only teenagers and women who would have allowed themselves to get pregnant or havd been in situations conducive to an unplanned pregnancy produced a generation of children who were sold. That's ridiculous.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:59
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
We are talking about the baby scoop era where a lot of women were coerced into putting children up for adoption they might have otherwise aborted if they had access to safe and legal abortion or parented. There was a lot more secrecy and shame around adoption where adoptive parents wouldn't always tell their children that they were adopted or would keep it a big secret.
I recommend reading the book The girl who went away to understand more about this situation
I'm the earlier pp born in the 60s, who went to a private school. In addition to the two friends I knew who were adopted during the baby scoop era, one more found out she was adopted after her parents died and she went through the paperwork.
Oddly enough, in my sample of four baby scoop era adopted friends, she was the happiest, until she found out she was adopted.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:56
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship now with your adopted family, siblings, parents when they were alive or if they are still alive, and extended cousins, etc.?
As you are older now, how have you framed (or reframed, most likely) your life experience?
I was born in the early 80's and adopted. I'm still very close with my family (why wouldn't I be?). I don't understand your second question.
What with the eyeroll? Completely unhelpful. Use your words.
A lot of adult adoptees have trauma. I am surprised you’re not aware of that. High suicide rates, too.
As do kids who were raised in their bio families.
This sounds like a kind of "all lives matter" thing with you. This has nothing to do with all kids. This is one population of kids..
Actually, it is important to discuss.
Some kids who are placed for adoption are from families who have a genetic/family history of mental health issues/substance abuse so it's not surprising that you see it in the kids as well. If everything was perfect, they would probably not be placed.
We are talking about the baby scoop era where a lot of women were coerced into putting children up for adoption they might have otherwise aborted if they had access to safe and legal abortion or parented. There was a lot more secrecy and shame around adoption where adoptive parents wouldn't always tell their children that they were adopted or would keep it a big secret.
I recommend reading the book The girl who went away to understand more about this situation
That's true,but the population that experienced an out of wedlock in an era when that was highly stigmatized were somewhat more likely to have mental health or substantive abuse challenges, as those make you more likely to engage in promiscuous behavior; less likely to use birth control (which was available then, although not as easily and not as many effective options); and less likely to have supportive family environments that would support them in single parenting (which was rare but not unheard of them) or support them in an early marriage (which was very common for unplanned pregnancy then). Not saying that all parents who gave up children were in that situation, but it is statistically more likely, and therefore statistically more likely that adopted children would suffer from some of these conditions as well. And that does even account for the fact that babies put up for adoption were somewhat more statistically likely to be the product of rape, which itself is correlated with certain mental health conditions and substance abuse problems.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:49
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think we've entered a new era where open adoption will prove to have just as many heartbreaking challenges.
So many adoptions now are private and essentially a pay-for-service model. Go out and find a young or poor woman who may/may not want to keep their child, offer them cold hard cash for "living expenses" and promise they will be an integral part of the child's life.
Maybe the adoptive parents will keep that promise maybe they won't. We all know now that open agreements are usually not enforceable.
You may have a child who has grown up WITH their bio parents as part of their life. Then they reach a stage where there may be conflict between the parents. The adoptive parents then decide to limit/cease contact with bio parents.
Even if there is no conflict, what is it like for these children to know their bio parents/families, but also know they were relinquished by them to be raised by others who are not in any way related?
What kind of non-biased psychological studies have looked at how these situations affect children? There are lots of pro-adoption organizations touting how wonderful open adoption is but I've not seen any non-biased studies done.
It depends on the state. If laws haven't changed, in MD you aren't allowed to pay birthmother expenses outside medical and legal. We didn't pay any birthmom expenses. We just paid attorney fees.
You make adoption sound so simple.
Legally you mean. Many many adoptees were purchased in private adoption. Cash and extortion. And let's discuss those atty fees.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:46
Subject: Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Adoption has been sold as this "harmless" alternative to an unwanted pregnancy. Because in theory, the only person harmed was "the sinner" mother who got pregnant in less than ideal circumstances. So advertising it as a saving grace for the baby and new family has deep political undertones because some people don't mind harming women to save babies.
Is it really better to essentially auction off a baby for $10-$50k to a "stable" family than to invest that $10k-$50k into the birth mother's life and help her raise her own child? That's the question society should be asking.
Now it's a choice and there are supports to help her. Lots of government assistance. Some still don't or cannot parent.
There's actually very little assistance, and very difficult to get it.
Anonymous
04/12/2023 12:46
Subject: Re:Adult Adoptees, preferably Baby Scoop babies, but others too...