Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 13:39     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:1st baby: My father and stepmother (mostly stepmother) barged their way into our home right when we got home from the hospital. She was the opposite of helpful.

2nd baby: wised up and didn't tell people when I went into labor except the person watching Baby 1, and my best friend. Best friend came to our house the day we got home, dropped off food, and took the dog and Baby 1 for a walk, then left.

We had a nanny for Baby 1, and DH and I spent two weeks with 2, and didn't tell anyone until after two weeks. "Surprise! We did a thing" kind of announcement. Then we said, "our phones are off, door is locked, we are going to focus on adjusting to being a family of four for a while but after April, if you've had your Tdap we'd love for you to come by if you're in the area to meet the newest member of our family."

We really didn't worry about people being offended or thinking we were obnoxious. We were so miserable with what happened with the first baby that we set strong boundaries for the second.

We hired a night nurse for six weeks for each baby.


Just curious if family came over when you wanted and if they are close to your kids.


NP. This whole thing about people not being close to the baby if they don't get 'access' right away came up when someone else posted wanting to wait to have visitors. It's ridiculous. If someone is so emotionally manipulative that waiting a few weeks to meet the baby justifies some sort of punishment, they probably are a PITA to have around anyways.

I didn't meet my best friend's preemie until she was 6 weeks old. Her second came during COVID and I only met him from the sidewalk in front of their house after dropping off food for a long time (months). I'm still extremely close to her kids and was still happy to support with food delivery.

Personally had my family at the hospital the day after, but I'm just not judging others for how they choose to handle such a vulnerable time. When certain people in your life show you that they cannot respect boundaries, you need to manage them like the PP did.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 13:36     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Baby 1: my mother and sister were with my during the birth (my choice), my dad came to meet the new baby immediately and drove my sister home; my other sister and aunt came to visit when the baby was a week old. It was fine but a bit exhausting. I sent my mom home after two weeks even though she was lovely and helpful just because I have a small place.

Baby 2: Covid days. I went to the hospital by myself while my mom stayed with my older kid. I actually really liked being alone in the hospital. It was relaxing not to be parenting a toddler. My best friend gave me a ride home two days later (and naturally met the baby). Mom stay 6 more weeks because I needed 3 weeks of help this time and then we all got Covid sequentially. Otherwise no one else visited/met the baby until a family event when he was 5 months old.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 13:29     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:Immediately. We stayed with my in-laws for a while and my parents also visited. My mom stayed with us for several weeks at a time on other occasions the first year.

I truly don't get people who don't want visitors. I wanted the help. And my mom annoys me frequently -- we are like oil and water personality-wise. But she is great with babies and was a huge help. She even visited during the thick of COVID (but she is pretty COVID-cautious).

.
My in-laws expected my DH to wait on them and host a cousin at our house when they visited about a week after she was born. My MIL yelled at me because I had, on medical advice, been undressing my sleepy baby to nurse ( she wasn't nice about it and only grudgingly apologized afterwards) and generally talked to me like I was her employee. None of them have ever meaningfully helped with our child.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 13:25     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:In college, I had a roommate yell at me because I wasn't excited enough when she came to visit me at the hospital.

All you people calling PP selfish for not wanting visitors sound like her. Which is to say, unhinged.


Why were you in college with a roommate while having a baby?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 13:11     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Immediately. We stayed with my in-laws for a while and my parents also visited. My mom stayed with us for several weeks at a time on other occasions the first year.

I truly don't get people who don't want visitors. I wanted the help. And my mom annoys me frequently -- we are like oil and water personality-wise. But she is great with babies and was a huge help. She even visited during the thick of COVID (but she is pretty COVID-cautious).
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 10:29     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
I gave birth in the middle of the pandemic, pre-vaccine (hospital visits were not allowed). I let my mom visit the day after we got home from the hospital. Waited for my dad and ILs for about 2 weeks, and that was outside. More extended family was after 2 months. I was kind of glad for the covid precautions as I did not want many visitors early on.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 10:24     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Baby 1 - grandparents visited at 6/7 days. I asked for space.

Baby 2 - both grandparents visited at the hospital when baby was less than 24hrs old. The second time around I was happy for the visitors to help with our toddler.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 10:19     Subject: Re:When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:I feel very lucky that nobody even suggested that they come to the hospital. It was basically “let us know when you want us to come after you bring him home.” We very much enjoyed a few days to ourselves, then my parents came. Friends a few weeks after.


This is reasonable. Two months or more! is not really
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 10:15     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Yeah if you want to visit me for more than 10 minutes at the hospital after giving birth you had better be ready to see my boobs a lot. My newborn's nutrition takes precedence over your comfort.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 08:19     Subject: Re:When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
I feel very lucky that nobody even suggested that they come to the hospital. It was basically “let us know when you want us to come after you bring him home.” We very much enjoyed a few days to ourselves, then my parents came. Friends a few weeks after.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2023 05:05     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:In college, I had a roommate yell at me because I wasn't excited enough when she came to visit me at the hospital.

All you people calling PP selfish for not wanting visitors sound like her. Which is to say, unhinged.


+1. Had visitors with my first and never again! No visits during COVID with my second because COVID. And with my third (due in 12 weeks) my husband will bring my girls, but no one outside my immediate family.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 23:27     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
In college, I had a roommate yell at me because I wasn't excited enough when she came to visit me at the hospital.

All you people calling PP selfish for not wanting visitors sound like her. Which is to say, unhinged.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 18:08     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No one in the hospital. I can't believe people do this. You have just gone through one of the most intense medical experiences you will ever have and need to rest. Also may have very painful boobs out (I could not tolerate anything touching them). The ONLY visitors you should have are ones you would feel like would help and you will not have to host, and who will only say supportive things. Basically, you want the people who you would be ok with holding your hair while you vomit and then cleaning it up (I'mnot saying you will vomit just this is a good heuristic for the comfort level you will want). In the hospital, the nurses will help you, so others are just taking important rest time.


We visited Mt sil in the hospital for about 15 minutes. There was no hosting by her. Just brought flowers and cooed at baby then left.



Sister in law
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 18:07     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:No one in the hospital. I can't believe people do this. You have just gone through one of the most intense medical experiences you will ever have and need to rest. Also may have very painful boobs out (I could not tolerate anything touching them). The ONLY visitors you should have are ones you would feel like would help and you will not have to host, and who will only say supportive things. Basically, you want the people who you would be ok with holding your hair while you vomit and then cleaning it up (I'mnot saying you will vomit just this is a good heuristic for the comfort level you will want). In the hospital, the nurses will help you, so others are just taking important rest time.


We visited Mt sil in the hospital for about 15 minutes. There was no hosting by her. Just brought flowers and cooed at baby then left.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2023 18:05     Subject: When did you let visitors come see you after giving birth?
Anonymous wrote:1st baby: My father and stepmother (mostly stepmother) barged their way into our home right when we got home from the hospital. She was the opposite of helpful.

2nd baby: wised up and didn't tell people when I went into labor except the person watching Baby 1, and my best friend. Best friend came to our house the day we got home, dropped off food, and took the dog and Baby 1 for a walk, then left.

We had a nanny for Baby 1, and DH and I spent two weeks with 2, and didn't tell anyone until after two weeks. "Surprise! We did a thing" kind of announcement. Then we said, "our phones are off, door is locked, we are going to focus on adjusting to being a family of four for a while but after April, if you've had your Tdap we'd love for you to come by if you're in the area to meet the newest member of our family."

We really didn't worry about people being offended or thinking we were obnoxious. We were so miserable with what happened with the first baby that we set strong boundaries for the second.

We hired a night nurse for six weeks for each baby.


Just curious if family came over when you wanted and if they are close to your kids.