DW of 26 years w DC 24/20/17

Know your DC’s friends and most importantly, their parents. It absolutely can be done. Avoid the avoidant parents.

Be present as a parent - attend your DC’s games, drive carpool, volunteer at school, chaperone. Be supportive and kind and not the shouty, complaining parent. Don’t allow friends to your house if you are not home, but have an open door policy when you are home.

Model good behavior. DH and I aren’t showing up at games drunk or hosting pre game parties nor establishing a tailgate tradition.

Also highly recommend that DC have a life beyond school, whether that be pursuing sports and/or part time employment/summer job.

Don’t allow too much “free time” that involves free form hanging out with seemingly random group of unknown friends

Anonymous wrote:MS and 9th/10th grade, I called parents ahead of time, and asked if they'd be home, if alcohol would be served, etc. Every parent I called said I was the only parent who called, and they were happy to talk with me. By 11th grade, I stopped that. And, our kids have always known that they can text us "X" at any time, and we will call them and say, "we have to pick you up, there's a family emergency." There will be no questions asked - we don't want them stuck in a bad situation...

+1 this is our plan as our kids get older. Talk to other parents, and at the same time educate your kids and let them know you will be there no questions asked. So much of what happens is because adults aren't communicating.

LOL on the psychos not planning to let their kids out of their sight or even drive a car until 18. Insane.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that drinking and screwing around in their teens was a highlight of their lives, so they don’t care if their kids are doing it.

It’s moreso that kids go to college at 17/18, they’re suddenly out from under their mom’s thumb & go wild.

The kids who are wild in high school are wild in college also

+1 and the kids who aren’t wild in high school don’t become wild in college. At least that was my experience.

That may be your anecdotal experience. But my experience in college was that the kids whose parents thought they had zero interest or who had overbearing parents went hog wild the first chance they got. However, we never allowed underaged drinking in our house but had lots of discussions with our kids as they navigated their teen years and knew where they were and who they were with.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that drinking and screwing around in their teens was a highlight of their lives, so they don’t care if their kids are doing it.

It’s moreso that kids go to college at 17/18, they’re suddenly out from under their mom’s thumb & go wild.

That’s a myth.
Not evidence that kids who drink in HS are less “wild” than those who start in college.

Obviously everyone is an individual with unique outlooks and personalities but I noticed this trend in myself and peers at college in terms of their behavior. Kids sheltered in high school were more reckless with partying and kids who partied in high school had more restraint and took on responsibility for themselves and their peers.

Anonymous wrote:My niece went to a conservative college in the south. Her roommate didn’t know how to handle the new freedom from overbearing parents. She died of alcohol poisoning. It happens. And it isn’t always the “wild kid in hs”.

Please do not assume that this is the norm. Kids whose parents let them drink at home are more likely to binge in college.

Anonymous wrote:I don't even understand why kids even want to. I truly don't understand it. I made it through my teens years without drinking just fine.

If you have kids, I hope you are making an effort to understand so you can more effectively steer your kid away from it and maybe even steer other kids away from it.

I went to these parties for several reasons. I was bored, my mom was sort of absent in my life because of financial issues and mental health struggles and I wanted her attention, the only people at school who would be friends with me were the bad kids who drank, and there was peer pressure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that drinking and screwing around in their teens was a highlight of their lives, so they don’t care if their kids are doing it.

It’s moreso that kids go to college at 17/18, they’re suddenly out from under their mom’s thumb & go wild.

The kids who are wild in high school are wild in college also

+1 and the kids who aren’t wild in high school don’t become wild in college. At least that was my experience.

My niece went to a conservative college in the south. Her roommate didn’t know how to handle the new freedom from overbearing parents. She died of alcohol poisoning. It happens. And it isn’t always the “wild kid in hs”.

Anonymous wrote:We have a full bar at our house and e entertain a lot. My kid have grown up around alcohol being served at all celebratory occasions. However, since we are very much present parents and very clued in to what is going on in their live, they have not been tempted to drink. Other thing - we don't drink at our house casually. No glass of wine in the evening, no beer on Sundays etc. so they do not think that alcohol is a big deal and they do not drink even when they have been offered. They have certainly tasted and they have tested their limits in college or breach week - but that is not their jam mainly because children emulate their parents. Finally, we have many talks about addiction and abuse so they are aware of that aspect.

There is no chance that alcohol would be served to kids or young adults at our house. Ever. I think parents who do that are trash.

We have a full bar at our house and e entertain a lot. My kid have grown up around alcohol being served at all celebratory occasions. However, since we are very much present parents and very clued in to what is going on in their live, they have not been tempted to drink. Other thing - we don't drink at our house casually. No glass of wine in the evening, no beer on Sundays etc. so they do not think that alcohol is a big deal and they do not drink even when they have been offered. They have certainly tasted and they have tested their limits in college or breach week - but that is not their jam mainly because children emulate their parents. Finally, we have many talks about addiction and abuse
so they are aware of that aspect.

I think as your children get older you need to move from a system based on extrinsic to intrinsic motivation. Part of that is about letting go and not controlling their every move.

I am certainly not hosting parties with alcohol. But nor am I policing my 17 year old every minute of the day. I am expecting her to learn to navigate her way through social situations, including alcohol and sex. And yes, I also expect her to have some fun along the way.

MS and 9th/10th grade, I called parents ahead of time, and asked if they'd be home, if alcohol would be served, etc. Every parent I called said I was the only parent who called, and they were happy to talk with me. By 11th grade, I stopped that. And, our kids have always known that they can text us "X" at any time, and we will call them and say, "we have to pick you up, there's a family emergency." There will be no questions asked - we don't want them stuck in a bad situation...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that drinking and screwing around in their teens was a highlight of their lives, so they don’t care if their kids are doing it.

It’s moreso that kids go to college at 17/18, they’re suddenly out from under their mom’s thumb & go wild.

The kids who are wild in high school are wild in college also

Exactly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of people think that drinking and screwing around in their teens was a highlight of their lives, so they don’t care if their kids are doing it.

It’s moreso that kids go to college at 17/18, they’re suddenly out from under their mom’s thumb & go wild.

The kids who are wild in high school are wild in college also