PDA seems like a mentalism trap for escape-maintained behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I am personally really tired of the PDA forums that advocate for taking away all demand and unschooling. I need to understand how to help my PDA kid thrive in a world where demand is reality. I can't have someone who will grow up to sit on the couch all day

+1

I have two DC with ASD and one of them has PDA. Both are in school, take music lessons, have friends (although the PDA DC has lost friends due to arguments/disagreements and inflexibility), do chores (although the PDA DC has fewer chores). Low demand, unschooling, these are not good parenting for any child, IMO, except as a last resort. There have been times when our family and household was in chaos and in crisis but it is much better now and we are doing okay, with occasional bumps.

I do wonder if there are cultural issues at play, differences between UK school and family and US school and family, as PDA is only officially a diagnosis in the UK.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In 25+ years I’ve never met a single child with ASD that didn’t have some level of demand avoidance. However, I’ve only met one kid with demand avoidance that was truly persistent across settings and people and the behavior was near impossible to predict or change that I’d label PDD if it were a diagnosis. It was very interesting and I learned a lot it’s just not that common that I’d call it pathological. This child was in a highly structured placement with 24/7 oversight and we made a lot of progress but at times it was still a struggle. If it’s truly pathological in nature then you need a team of professionals. Try Kennedy Kreiger. If it’s run of the mill ASD demand avoidance then a BCBA would probably be your best bet.

. It’s a nervous system response they can’t control.

Another PP said that as little kids the child “seemed fine.”

PDA is generally discovered when children hit school age. There are more demands and expectations plus the child is older and can exert or communicate more adult recognized responses. It’s also more noticeable in social settings as they hit mid elementary because other kids mature in social nuance and they don’t.

A lot of PDAers are also very smart. They figure out tactics to mask, delay, negotiate better than classic profiles.


https://pdanorthamerica.org/
Kids book: https://youtu.be/3MzoGriE8mI?si=_stw1uA5DaK3Cq5y

That definition will lead to more parents ignoring the issues and blaming it on a diagnosis.

Anonymous wrote:I am personally really tired of the PDA forums that advocate for taking away all demand and unschooling. I need to understand how to help my PDA kid thrive in a world where demand is reality. I can't have someone who will grow up to sit on the couch all day

It’s not just PDA but there’s a pervasive idea that homeschooling and such is the answer to any difficulties in school. It’s some kind of idea that school is oppressive and kids shouldn’t be forced to “mask.”

I’ve seen that have really sad impact on one child I know. When my kid was having a really tough behavioral period, we were consulting with a mental professional who seemed dead set on viewing him as unable to be mainstreamed and proclaiming school was “unsafe” for him. I got a really creepy vibe from it all because prior to her everyone had always been on the same page about keeping him in school and getting him back into the classroom after any sort of incident. Under that influence I did start pulling him from school or asking for him to be kept out of triggering situations, and everything went dramatically downhill. We ended up getting rid of that therapist and the next school year was MUCH better at a school that was unfazed and focused on keeping kids in school (subject to appropriate discipline.)

I am personally really tired of the PDA forums that advocate for taking away all demand and unschooling. I need to understand how to help my PDA kid thrive in a world where demand is reality. I can't have someone who will grow up to sit on the couch all day

Anonymous wrote:In 25+ years I’ve never met a single child with ASD that didn’t have some level of demand avoidance. However, I’ve only met one kid with demand avoidance that was truly persistent across settings and people and the behavior was near impossible to predict or change that I’d label PDD if it were a diagnosis. It was very interesting and I learned a lot it’s just not that common that I’d call it pathological. This child was in a highly structured placement with 24/7 oversight and we made a lot of progress but at times it was still a struggle. If it’s truly pathological in nature then you need a team of professionals. Try Kennedy Kreiger. If it’s run of the mill ASD demand avoidance then a BCBA would probably be your best bet.

. It’s a nervous system response they can’t control.

Another PP said that as little kids the child “seemed fine.”

PDA is generally discovered when children hit school age. There are more demands and expectations plus the child is older and can exert or communicate more adult recognized responses. It’s also more noticeable in social settings as they hit mid elementary because other kids mature in social nuance and they don’t.

A lot of PDAers are also very smart. They figure out tactics to mask, delay, negotiate better than classic profiles.


https://pdanorthamerica.org/
Kids book: https://youtu.be/3MzoGriE8mI?si=_stw1uA5DaK3Cq5y

Have you tried parent training?

In 25+ years I’ve never met a single child with ASD that didn’t have some level of demand avoidance. However, I’ve only met one kid with demand avoidance that was truly persistent across settings and people and the behavior was near impossible to predict or change that I’d label PDD if it were a diagnosis. It was very interesting and I learned a lot it’s just not that common that I’d call it pathological. This child was in a highly structured placement with 24/7 oversight and we made a lot of progress but at times it was still a struggle. If it’s truly pathological in nature then you need a team of professionals. Try Kennedy Kreiger. If it’s run of the mill ASD demand avoidance then a BCBA would probably be your best bet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People keep trying to make pda happen but in its current form it is so weird and honestly toxic. If you join any of the parent groups you’ll see they all use it as an excuse to literally let their kid avoid everything based on this theory - you have kids not going to school ever, not leaving the house etc etc. needs better definition

We know a family who has labeled their child this without ever having properly parented them. They never say no to the child, let them get out of any uncomfortable situation. I’m not even a very strict parent and I see how much damage they’ve done to them. We are close neighbors and have been for years and have known the kid since they were very small. I feel sad for the family. While I do assume that this diagnosis does exist for some, I don’t think it’s the case for them.

Toss off. You have no idea how outrageously hard it is to parent these kids. Nearly killed me.

'toss off'????